General

Ugh I’m probably just annoying this person I’m talking to online, and another I’m talking to online, and my online friend. I seem to have pretty similar views on society as one of them though.
I want to go. I sound like a broken record. Everything is completely pointless. I like mum, I don’t really care about much else. I wish I had never been born.

I don’t like how society is anyway. It doesn’t help that I’m a mess.
More often I see people posting about on various sites things like: “we slave ourselves our whole lives and then we die”
“society tells us to […]

I thought alcohol was a cure to my social anxiety and at first everything was fine. It felt good. It felt really good. I felt like I could finally socialize normally like a normal person and I was. However it got to a point eventually where it started turning me into something that I wasn’t. I began hurting people without even realizing it. I lost myself. It’s like I wasn’t even me anymore. Everything about me eventually changed. I just drank so much and so consistently. I would wake up every morning and go straight to the corner store and purchase alcohol. I would drink […]

I hate being shamed for the last resort, that I could think of. It’s not right. Most people get weird about selfharm. It’s what someone does, when a walk or ten different distractions didn’t help. I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t let yet another day go by, without leaving a trace of it feeling just horrible.

Nothing extraordinary happened to me today. Maybe it never did. But there’s days that are harder to come by and I don’t know why. I wake up and I already get a sense, on how it’ll play out that day. I’m usually right.

“It’s going to be a […]

I’ve had two ECT treatments now.  I don’t feel much different.  Just tired and my memory seems sluggish.  Especially recent things.  Maybe that is the idea, forget who I am.

I been trying really hard to change myself. Maybe to always find that one reason to keep going. Even though i havent responded. I read all the comments people give for feedback. I appreciate it all. Especially the goodness and wisdom ya’ll share. Well 2021 turns to be the year I’m facing legal trouble. I been holding a job the last 3 months. So yay me! I always been a job hopper or dont last long. So, being able to stay at a job is an improvement. I just need way better money management skills and live below my means which make me feel […]

So about four years ago I was In a pretty bad place mentally. I figured out my mom was stealing money from me and I just snapped. As a result I have done some terrible things that I should be punished for but I am living in hell! My rights are being ignored, I have experienced humiliation on a large scale and people are constantly laughing at me and verbally abusing me my every waking hour. I can’t avoid or escape my torment so I have just accepted it. Like I said I have done some bad things but I don’t think anyone deserves this! […]

I wouldn’t mind this…
Knowing that my ex is going after married women is a great birthday present (sarcasm).
Someone told me. I’m better off not knowing about it. I’m not really surprised but idk… I think going after married people is sleazy (unless they somehow all agreed to polyamory).

It would be easy to think that I’ve dodged a bullet. Women going after married men are just as bad.

But yeah. Happy death day more like it. I plead for this suffering to end (not only because of my ex).
If you are somehow a regular reader of my posts (I’m sorry if anyone reads them) […]

I wanna die I wanna die I wanna die I wanna die help help help please please please please anyone anyone nothing hurts anymore I feel kinda free help me

Trigger warning for self-harm.

So. As the title says, it happened again. I did harm to myself. And… somehow I don’t know why. No. I do know why.

I did it out of some stupid reason, not even worth being mentioned, but it’s so weird. I knew I didn’t stop, no matter how often I said I did. I never actually stopped and I don’t think that will be the case in the near future. So it will continue.

It will continue? Is it even a real solution? I mean, it’s not. It’s not a solution to my problems to self-harm as soon as they occure because I […]