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I’m so done. I literally cannot take it anymore.
In the years prior to 2020, I had been in a really good mental headspace. I’m generally extroverted, into sports, etc. I’ve always been a coastal girl, and I’ve always aspired to become a surfer (hence the username, I made it on the fly).
I’d like to say that things began to go downhill for me around 2017. Just behind the scenes.
My dad had been in the military for about 20 years, however, was able to immediately flock once he reached that 20 year mark. He got a new job which required that we move.
The beach was my […]
literally everyone i know has now fucked up their relationship with food?? wtf happened? i fucking hate how i can never go all the way in something ive been struggling for 4 years now and nothing happened even when i reached 14 bmi,, whenever i do lose im very good at hiding so no one thought of anything serious. i still would go out and eat and laugh, then run to a dirty public bathroom throw up my guts in the fastest time i could then go back to laughing and enjoying. and now at least 4 people i know keep telling me oh they […]
im unable to talk to anyone or care about anything.. im not even sad at this point it’s more so i feel at peace. and in this peace i want to die. i dont want to worry people because i know they care but i just dont want to live. i dont want to be. i keep saying things will change but who am i kidding? like for fucks sake who am i kidding? i literally feel a hole in my chest. and i dont think it’ll ever go away its been here since forever. i know i must die but its just too much […]
I am an awful person. From every standpoint. No matter your philosophy, your personality, your politics, pretty much everyone can agree that I am scum – the lowest of the low. I am one of those quiet figures that drift through life in the background, keeping their evil intent hidden until it’s finally exposed. You may know that something’s off when you look in my eyes, but it only clicks into place when the truth is revealed.
Unfortunately (for me), I’m not a psychopath. I feel the shame of what I am. The isolation of it. Living with myself is hard. I don’t sleep well at […]
For the most part lately I’ve been having weird dreams but the one I just had was horrible.
We were turning down what I can only guess is a dirt road, it was winter and snow packed. A fourwheeler pulled in just before us. He didn’t even get 10ft in before loosing control and going over the bars into a telephone pole. We came to a stop cms before the bike. In the nightmare I had thought we hit him and killed him it wasn’t until after waking up did I realized we didn’t touch him. However 2 more bikes came up behind us and […]
I want to kill myself, I want to kill myself, I want to kill myself, I want to kill myself, I want to kill myself, I want to kill myself, I want to kill myself, I want to kill myself, I want to kill myself, I want to kill myself, I want to kill myself, I want to kill myself.
Okay I’ll try to make this as straightforward as possible. Would any of you guys like to join a groupchat in discord– I obviously don’t have anything against the other members here it’s just you guys stick out to me and okay it’s very hard for me to speak my thoughts without getting discouraged and frustrated and I’d very much appreciate it if any of you would talk to me because I cannot write in this format. I have autism and that prefrontal lobe disorder I mentioned and it makes it overwhelming because of the anxiety and I think I’m going to commit soon and […]
I have a little under two weeks before classes start again. This break has been longer than a month, so time has felt like it’s gone by real slowly. When I’m left with nothing to do I start thinking of how about all the things I screwed up. All my failures and odd quirks. I can’t help but think of all the times I ran away from responsibility and the like. All the time I spent worrying about pointless things and how there’s no use changing them. Do you ever get into the habit of doing something that eventually […]
No matter how many times I replay the situation over in my head I come to the same conclusion, I fucked up, I should of completed suicide not attempted suicide, its just not worth it. All I had to do was put the pillow or a bag over my head whilst intoxicated, instead my conscience got the better of me not fear and I alerted my family. I would of avoided years of hell, Suicide has been called the ultimate act of avoidance and this is very true. I can say with hand on heart it would of been better for everyone if I had […]
it’s been so long since I posted here
Im 19 now, I dropped out- listen, university ISNT for everyone. Especially if you’re rushing things.
my dad is back in Honduras again, I mean I’m happy about that at least. I’m afraid he’ll come back.. I know he will.
to hurt us.
im doing.. okay? I guess, I don’t know how to put it, i role play as ponies, My Little Pony OCS, they’re fun actually. I used to role play before, but I drifted away after I turned 15… then im back in it again. Oh how the world goes in a circle.
i get paid with unemployment […]
It’s been four and a half years since I visited this site. My last post was a suicide note. I lived through what followed, and I won’t go into details.
Whiskered-Fish, you still around? Your comments are what tipped me over the edge enough to not finish myself off. Your username ironically helped with that- I couldn’t let my pet catfish live life without me, after so long with me (sitting at 25 years with that fish now).
Or Cordless? You were another amazing positive influence. I hope I can see you in the comments some time soon..
Looking back at my profile, there are so many of […]
hello Im Andrianna and im 13. Im severely depressed and suicidal. its like no one can see me no one matters if im dead…so why not just die? life doesn’t matter anymore.. nothing does if someone is out there who can help me pls help this is my email andriannamueller@gmail.com
Hey.
Hey, you.
Yes, you.
You’re the one reading this, aren’t you?
Well, let me tell you something.
You need to know.
DON’T SCROLL, please..
I know, I know I’m a stranger here on the internet.
But, I guarantee you, you need to hear this.
Are you in a dark place?
You aren’t alone.
We all were there, y’know.
Feeling Suicidal?
Please don’t.
I think you matter.
Even if I don’t know you, I still think you matter.
You are the best stranger I’ve met.
So, do something for me real quick.
It’s quick, I promise.
Drink some water.
WAIT! DON’T WIPE THE WATER OFF YOUR LIPS YET!
Look, see how they shine?
See how they twinkle and glimmer?
it’s like you.
Even in the tiniest bit of light, […]
Today is my birthday 4 more years until I’m an adult, they say every year gets easier but they couldn’t be more wrong. Getting older doesn’t do anything besides take us one year closer to death. At all cost just keep your head down and fake a smile. I’ve been doing that for almost 6 years and I’ve seemed to get passed the world and there standers. Everyone is wish me a happy birthday and all I can say is thank you if even that. Life gets harder every year you are alive and everything just sucks. I’ve been losing sleep, yesterday was my first […]
Somehow we always find our way back here. These ideation are getting out of hand. I know there’s someone else for you to talk but I guess I foolishly thought I could be the number 1. You’re all I’ve ever wanted and even This I fucked up. I could say sorry a million times for wasting your time and it wouldn’t be enough… I am sorry I swear I’ll fix it
I want to go back in time. No not for some stupid purpose like to win an old flame or shit like that. I want to go back to the day I met the ***** known as my ex wife and tell her to fuck off. That way I never would have made the 17 year old pissant that has to hide behind mommy instead of manning up. God damn id like to lay him out..find out just how much of a man he is. Pfft he’s a god-damned fucking *****. He’s a 17 year old arrogant pissant that believes he has the […]
People suck. Everyone in my life except my wife and daughter needs to go take a long fucking walk off a short fucking cliff. People that can’t fight their own battles need to fuck off. People that go running to their mother(my ex wife) when I have a problem with them need to fuck off and fight their own fucking battles for a fucking change instead of fucking running to the goon squad so they can blow me up about the half fucking truths from the fucking pissant otherwise known as my son. One of these days I’m gonna get to lay him […]
This feels like a joke… My whole life has been a joke… My mother was to go away on a trip and it was cancelled over and over thanks to Corona. She was going in a few days and I had already planned my death.. Even if it wouldn’t have worked, I was at least going to try to end this misery. My mind is deadly, it’s making everything seem like it’s out to get me.
I had backed up our family photos on a cloud, which took me hours. Only so that my family won’t forget to do it after I’m gone. I take any […]
What are the weak-points that they all have and that are unique to each one of them. Yes, this distinction, now gives the toy so much more, depths. This notion was made very distinct at first while uncovering, the Mankey, and their tail, in which compare to the rest of their body was held there, delicately. Then, one finds out that, in one way or the other, that they all share that same attribute, whether, a foot, or a tail. So, then it’s like, who’s the best! And, Pikachu, was.
And, by the way, Oddish’s suddenly one flaky leaf isn’t too far off from, […]