General

I cant keep my shit together, and I need to be the Jesus Christ of having my shit together right now. My life is falling apart. I’m working a shit job, and I get treated with zero fucking respect by my coworkers and customers (yeah yeah, I know, welcome to capitalism). I have no chance at getting the help I need for my mind or body. I’m addicted to self harm and my body is destroyed. I’m going to college, and I’m falling behind because I’m never doing enough. I have only one friend and he’s sick of me, but he won’t tell me to […]

hahaha so i have noooo idea what to do with him. we can go back to my other post for a minute about him having a gf and how im not the happiest about it but ill accept it. ok that mentioned lets go into a few other things.

first about the gf but a different problem. like i said ill accept him having a gf but this problem is a bit harder to accept especially since hes already showing signs of it and he doesnt even have one yet. i have abandonment issues. he knows this. he also knows i lost my last bff […]

I’m so many different people at once.

It’s so hard to describe, especially when you’re suffering from what seems to be a mental illness. It’s not that I have any actual personality disorder or anything, but switching characters is exhausting, switching who I am is exhausting, and my opinions and the way of expression shifts so much it’s not unnecessary, but

but what, but I can’t find a word to get the idea across

i talk, a lot, it’s my character. But I just can’t get what I actually want to say out. My thoughts are almost abstract, when they’re clear they shifts all the time as I […]

Even when I’m with people, I’m alone. Morally, psychologically. I’ve cut myself off from humanity. So now I have to act, with everyone. I have to pretend I’m not this sick twisted thing. Because who I really am is too repulsive. I shouldn’t be allowed to exist in society.

It’s hard to say whether this was always in me, looking for a way out. Maybe in different circumstances I would’ve turned out better.

But I did this to myself, and now I have to live with it. Or not.

Why go on living, when every interaction you have with others is deceitful, and robbed of meaning? When genuine […]

They say: It gets better,
but they fail to acknowledge that it goes both ways.

Just like tossing a coin, there’s not one but two outcomes.
Heads,
Tails,
Both actually don’t matter.

It’s whether you take a look at the coin after the toss or not.

Just like life:
It gets better,
It gets worse.

You think your current situation is the lowest? It isn’t.

So really, it’s either you go further and see whether it’ll get better or worse,

or you don’t.

You took away my one source of pain relief and took away my back up. I can barely come up with ideas around it so you don’t fucking know. I can’t cut because you’ll see it. I can’t drink because then I can’t drive to see you. I sat in the shower trying to boil myself alive and it barely worked. I am falling apart inside and I can’t do anything to distract myself from the internal pain. My only hope is this goddamn lighter but that pain doesn’t leave much of a scar. And the visual reminder helps me too. You left me but […]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o47pIiXCVlg

here is another demo, Im extremely ocd ive but like 4 songs up here and taken them down to rework them, sorry for using this site as an outlet for creative feedback, but I feel like the energy in my songs could also help yall out. Thanks for listening.

so i have this cute urn picked out but i want something engraved on it. i found something i kinda like but im not religious. maybe someone knows how to reword it because im stumped.

God saw you getting tired, when a cure was not to be. So he wrapped his arms around you and he whispered “come to me”. you didnt deserve what you went through, so he gave you needed rest. gods garden must be beautiful, he only takes the best.

also theres the added problem of i get 3 lines
26 characters
26 characters
15 characters

so if you could maybe help out that would […]

My head is completely fucked up, as in my cranium. It is oblong and my face is flat, I basically look like an alien. I haven’t really come across anyone who looks like me so I’m assuming my deformity is based on a complication during my birth, and not genetics. Either way, I look like a mutant.

I have felt separated from normal people for most of my life but I occasionally have moments where I can relate with them. I used to go to psychiatrists and they would tell me that I have “body dysmorphic disorder” but I know what I really am. Of course, […]

I’ve been so despondent lately, yet simultaneously filled to the brim with frothing, boiling hate. I hate so bitterly, so inexpressibly deep. I am repulsed by life, by the complacent, perverse disregard of logic in every day procedure. I hate my roommate, though it was me that so barbarically and mercilessly bullied her… I am so awful, and I recognize it. Yet I am so apathetic. I am such a hideous person of spirit, mind and body. I am cognizant… I hate myself too. Yet I love myself more than anything. I am just so angry. I’m angry that life disagrees with me, that it […]

Anyone remember me?
I havent been on here in years!

So it’s been a while since I last posted on here I’ve had so much going on lately its unreal I’ve been dealing a lot with depression and it hasn’t been easy all I’ve been thinking a lot about self harm lately and it’s been effecting me so much with my work and life my family doesn’t understand anything I’m going through and to top it off they make things worse at times saying it’s my fault for so much and it sucks because I try so hard to this person they want me to be instead of the person I really am I […]

Is just not my day. This weekend was REALLY hard. I don’t know how I’m alive but here I am. I’m kind of amazed that I made it through this sadness and madness. Push forward. Make it through today. That is my only goal. Mercury is in retrograde. I am feeling shitty and communication is all messed up which really helps. I pray god to have pity on me but here I am still. I think if one more thing goes wrong, I may actually lose it. I’m a bit worried but I just gotta try my best. That’s all that I have.

GI JOE. Yeah it’s a pun. I don’t know why I felt like starting it that way. I’m still talking to her. At least I’m trying to. I know I said I have to accept that she doesn’t want to hear from me last post, but I’m really stubborn. I can’t really get that concept through my head. She was just in a bad place. Actually when I don’t hear from her from long periods of time she’s in a bad place. I know she’s trying her best. She has her problems. I don’t […]

I had a vision of shadow skies,
Swaying reeds and soft goodbyes.

Perhaps a silver stranger to say,
I wish you well along your way.

Sadly it isn’t what I thought,
Alone, as a ghost,
Nothing taken, nothing brought.

As my death,
Lets me move on.
Life’s hopes and dreams,
Have long since gone.

My long companions of depression and sadness,
Are still quite here.
So the quiet rest,
I do not fear.

I died, I died,
Long, long ago.
So now it’s time,
For the ghost to go.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCbLQOheVT0

Hey guys, this is a new demo I made, hope you like it. I’m a huge fan of christianity obviously, but its no worries if you are not, just tell me if you like the music. Thanks.