For the past week, I am not feeling myself lately and this is not relatively a new feeling, but this past week has been more aggressive than its ever been and culminating today was the disaster i dont wanna think it is , but dismissing so , would not just be denial but also forthright i donno what, i am at a loss for flowery words, right now the only thought pulsing through my mind, is that i have to end this the quickest way possible i want to jump off a cliff,possibly a tavern, hack my heart with an axe, bleed till i die, […]
Category:
My Suicide Note
I’ve been considering ending it all. The first girl I ever opened myself to has left me. She helped me through abuse and sexual assault. I’m a male and never talked about it to anyone. To keep her I broke my family and my relationship with them. I had three mentors, all in February took their lives one after another. My girl left me on Christmas eve, right after I came home from MEPS to join the army. I passed but now I wished I didn’t. It’s difficult when shaving to not just slice my neck. I shave with a straight razor. I may stop […]
So, I have always had problems finding myself in life. I just don’t know what to do anymore… I am running out of options.
I have literally tried everything and I realize how badly I suck at something and just leave and give up. I can never commit to something because I’m so self-conscious and I just want to find my footing.
Right now, I’m stuck at my job, constantly being berated by my boss that may end. I don’t feel like I have enough confidence to try and find another job. I feel like I’m trapped. I just turned 26. I could have been married and […]
I have depression since I can remember. As a kid went through all sorts of family violence and abuse (being sexual the only exception I think). an alcoholic father, 2 much bigger siblings that used to bull me and beat me real bad sometimes… (It’s ok, I Don’t blame them anymore. I feel like they had their own issues as well…) No one to talk to or ask me what was wrong… Alone at home. Alone at school… Running to uncles and neighbors whenever my dad freaked out and tried to kill my mom, sleeping on couches. Never having a place… feeling like total stranger […]
Today is the promise day..
Merry Christmas and Better New Year everyone !!!
I dont know will today be the day or not
But let me say this
Lets meet again next year !!!
You also must be ‘smart’ especially in terms of knowing how to make money. And often times, that also means you also have to be opportunistic, follow the system & rules (just like everybody else), even be cunning, sly, ruthless, brash, full of tricks, greedy, selfish, ready to step on other people who are ‘weaker’ (eg: poorer, etc).
Money is everything in our modern society today, unfortunately. It’s all about money nowadays. And if you can’t beat the system, then you have to join them. Everyday you are forced to survive, or for survival. And if you’re not strong enough to follow the system/rules, then too […]
I’ve managed to screw up everything good I had going and turn it all into a bunch of fucked up shit, like always. I’m shit at my job, and I accidentally fucked some shit up because I’m too fucking stupid and cowardly to ask for help. I’m too much of a coward to speak to my college advisor and schedule my classes for next semester. I’m going to fuck up my French final because I am too fucking stupid to understand which verb tense to use and I’m apparently fucking too incompetent to even understand the review. I’m too much for a close friend of […]
I think my life had an expiry date. It was long ago. I’ve gone off, become sour; nothing is as it’s supposed to be. I’m the forgotten milk in the fridge, the leftovers left to mould in the oven, the forgotten tin in the back of the cupboard. I’m existing because I haven’t died yet.
I cannot see a future. Sometimes I imagine it, make it up in my head but it feels like a story. It has an edge to it, like it’s CGI in a fairytale film.
People would miss me if I die. If I was able to disappear, it would ruin people’s lives. […]
For some weeks now I have begun the steps to ask for my assisted suicide. It’s something permitted in my country for psychological reason. I guess that some of you will then guess what country it is. I don’t want any comments on my posts if possible.
I’m sorry my posts won’t certainly be very well written and it won’t be very… how can I say that… liquid in the way that ideas will come as they arrive in my head. So be nice please.
I just want to leave my trace. I don’t need any comments or anything alike. I don’t seek for empowerment […]
I hope the higher power who sent me here can hear me. If not, then the universe will. I gladly told them to fuck off. Yes, and it felt good. I just don’t want to be here man. Already thwarted on my first suicide attempt and now I’m in my head is just torture. The depression is getting worse. It happens little by little then one day you just cant feel anymore. I’m going to hurt people if I cannot make my way out of this shit hole without inter-fucking-ference. Please kill me…
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
It follows that as Death stands at my door — or rather as I stand before Death’s door knocking madly — that Existential Dread creeps into every thought like so much metaphysical graffiti.
These last few dark days the Serenity Prayer has been drifting in and out of my head. I always read those words as an uplifting call to soldier on in Life. Now I see a different meaning: Free Will. Only the Self can truly possess the […]
I know that when I kill myself at last, I will regret it when it’s too late. I’ve heard that many suicide survivors feel that way and I can feel that I would be one of them. I would die in regret. But if, on the other hand, I do not kill myself, I will most likely still want to die for the rest of my life. Suffering a whole (“natural”) lifetime through. I’m pretty sure, but I’m not entirely certain. Is keeping on living worth the (most likely) suffering? I would probably experience some positive moments too if I continue with life but it […]
I’m sorry. But you guys make living so tough. ~8 year old me.
Goodbye.~12 year old me
I always play the “am I going to die today or tomorrow” game. Tomorrow used to always win.
If I’m not alive in the morning,today finally won.~27 days ago,16 year old me.
The coin expressed that the time for waiting is over. I have not decided whether I will die today, but regardless a sign of the end finally arrived; I find that to be slightly more comforting than the thought alone of bleeding out. At least Hell won’t await me on the other side: I will finally be leaving it. I just hope a worse Hell doesn’t await me beyond this one. As for the rest of you, I hate all of you honestly; I really don’t want anybody to reply to this, and I hope it is deleted alongside this worthless throwaway account: This website itself is […]
I have written a variety of notes; I wrote personal ones to my close friends, but I decided to also write one for the general public, which I’ll post on my Instagram probably. Feeling really euphoric right now.
Hi, I am writing this out for all my friends to see. If I didn’t take the time to write something to you personally, I’m sorry, but also I was just too overwhelmed by the idea of sending something to everyone..please understand ?
I have decided to end my life today. I wish I had the words to properly convey WHY I am doing this. If you know me […]
Speaking from the heart comes with the utmost difficulty for me, there are things I want to say but not enough comes out or at least what I believe needs to come out. Some things are morbid to the point of the law getting involved but it’s the truth about me. Everywhere I go whether it be home work or school, everyone around me is so oblivious to the darkness, absorbed by their own happiness, you can truly see it in their eyes just how unscathed people are, and I mean the majority of people. They believe that things are meant to get better or compared […]
Between the line of fear and blame you begin to wonder why you came…
A lyrics from The Fray, How to save a life.
I’ve been bullied when i was in grade school and it was the scariest thing a little girl have to go through.
Highschool was a lot of fun, except things from family starts to jump out.
I started to appreciate the songs Perfect and Welcome to my life by Simple Plan… Its really the lyrics that made me close to the music. It embrace me to bed.
Boulevard of broken dreams by Green day came in my playlist, That’s when i realize my friends don’t understand […]
I’m a NEET for 3 years, I was a programmer, but for some reason, I lost any desire to do programming after I slipped and hit my head. I had depression for a long time, and I’m too poor to visit psychiatrist so I don’t know how to fix it until today. Today is my birthday, so all my relatives “celebrates” it while I locked myself in my room. I felt sick that despite I’m being worthless, my parent still buy lots of food and invites their friends. I’m planning to kill myself by hanging tomorrow, since it’s quite a nice date (10/10). I might […]
Its 8:22 PM on a Wednesday night. October 2 2018
I thought Id make it to my 16th birthday. Nov 3.
but im about to share my biggest bully. and really the one person who loves me no matter what. myself
im 15 , slender and toned, 5’10, and bleached damaged hair. im obsessed with the 80s-90s. and I want to become a journalist/ clothing designer. I wanted to be anything that I wanted. I truly believe that anyone can be anything. or at least myself.
im a sophmore in high school , im well known I guess you could say. everyone wans my life. or want to be […]
Hey
Its be a while I guess
There was so many thing I would have wanted to say to to but I couldn’t
I won’t
I cant bear to loose you I guess
I was afraid
But now im not here
I guess its only fair and right for you to know these
I loved you
I always have
I know there were never a us
So I try my best to treat you well
Hiding my dark side from you
Try to be a good friend
Have you as a part of my own little family
But good thing can only last this long
Im getting tired
And […]