I can’t sleep. Thoughts are swarming round my head. I keep swatting them away, but they keep coming back. It’s been like this for months now. The thoughts come at night. When all I want to do is sleep. But I’m always afraid. Every fucking hour of every damn day.
I just want to die. Finally drop dead and let the thoughts and anxieties drop dead with me. It doesn’t matter what anyone says. Life is not worth the pain I constantly feel.
If I can’t die, I at least want to sleep.
It’s been two years since I’ve looked at this website. But today, and lately, for a while.. I’ve been thinking about how it’d be if I wasn’t here. It’s not like anybody would notice I’m gone. I lost custody of my daughter for having an eating disorder. I lost my family for failing at treatment. I lost myself trying to recover and pretending that I’m okay. And now I’m left with nothing and nobody and I’m just done. I want to die. I want to be alone forever and not have to eat or drink water or move or think or cry. I wish I […]
Alright. Time to get this off my chest. Since I’ve been a kid, my parents haven’t been the nicest. They both struggled with alcohol before they had me and many would say my dad acts like a dry drunk. He has anger issues, and its scary sometimes. I’m 16 now, and I’m still scared of my dad. Just today he punched my brother in the face because my brother had a smart alec tone. All I can do is just let it happen. I don’t see my dad often because he works in New Jersey and I live in Georgia, so I guess that’s a […]
and the best thing is you probably wouldnt even know that i died you’d just probably try to contact me and figure im an asshole who moved on
I hate this, I hate being alone and waking up and knowing this person doesn’t want me and that I’m such a fuckup and I can’t talk to anyone about how much I just want to be dead without them calling 911 on me, no one to watch over me it’s just taking so much for me right now just to not end it all because nobody fucking cares they all just want to ruin my future and put me in a hospital, they don’t make you better they just make you numb. I have to suppress all my fucking feelings so I don’t fucking […]
hey there. Guess I’m just another newbie. I just want to explain myself and have someone understand. Usually, I distract myself with youtube, video games, and occasionally people. But there are always those times when everything is boring, and things people said hurt. I’m pathetic. My family loves me so much but I do nothing absolutely nothing to deserve their love. I’m terribly selfish, I’m so lazy, all I do is mope all day like an ungrateful pig. I deserve to feel terrible. I only make things harder for them. Every day, I can’t help but think. So many opportunities to die. Knife, car, bridge, […]
hello. I am new to this website, so I apologize if I screw something up in writing this..
I’m 23ish, and still living with one of my parents. I’ve had depression and anxiety for around 9 years now, and I still haven’t managed to find solid footing. not much has helped manage the symptoms. I’ve tried different medication, different therapies, and even some illegal/legal drugs to try to mitigate it. the three things that have helped me the most thus far, has been my dog, pot and coffee. I’m not thrilled about being in a cycle of coffee and pot everyday, but it gets me up […]
I just prayed for my death tonight.
I did this a few times before. I won’t say I’m extremely religious, but I do believe someone is out there. It’s comforting sometimes. However, it wouldn’t bother me too much if I crossed to the other side and was just met with a blank emptiness. Honestly, the eternal quiet would be a good change of pace. So whether I’m proven wrong or right, as long as I get to rest in peace, that’s fine with me.
As for the reason I prayed for my death, let’s just say I’m terrified. I’ve been low key terrified for months now about […]
I want to go mute. I want to stop talking. It would make my life so much easier to just shut up, stop talking, and never say a thing again.
Well, in retrospect it wouldn’t. I wouldn’t be able to speak my mind, say my emotions, or show my feelings without learning another language made of hands.
I dunno what this is for. Maybe to ask for people to help me go mute. Maybe to get it off my mind. I just don’t know.
I’d like some advice on how to just… Never speak again.
And before you go off about how it’s such a bad idea; […]
Look at me from the outside and tell me, “she has nothing to be sad about, her life is great!” and I say, “step inside my mind for a day and tell me the same thing tomorrow” You cant.. because living in the turmoil, anxiety, depression, bi-polar, obsessive brain that is mine will make you be happy you live in your own head. I cant even remember the last time I felt genuine happiness, and its getting pretty frustrating to wake up and hurt all the time. I want nothing more than to feel okay, to not feel anguish or suicidal. Just for one stinking […]
I’ve recently noticed an increase of people attempting to talk to me and get to know me. Sometimes it’s a stranger walking my way while I’m headed to class. Sometimes it’s a person only known through my parents who suddenly gets the desire to talk to me. And even more jarring, I’ve recently made two friends in a short span of time, after not having anyone show interest in me several years prior. The whole thing became extremely jarring to me, and on more than one occasion I began to assume where their intentions lied. I hate to say it, but while I should feel […]
I’m 12 a year old girl. Four years ago my parents split and a year later, my mom died. I was left with my father, who’s addicted to smoking and drinking and has a girlfriend who’s half his age. I get migraines and mental breakdowns a lot, and everyone thinks I’m fine at school because I get good grades and I’m pretty nice and funny. I will not tell anybody about this without being anonymous, especially a therapist, because when my parents were divorcing, the court ordered that I had to go to therapy or something. I’d been through 4 therapists before my dad decided […]
Edit: I’m not sure if this was officially posted, it’s. Very confusing on how to submit.
Hello.I’m new here & I feel like I have no one to open up to which is why I’m here. Long read so if you can’t read my whole essay, just skip to the LAST PARAGRAPH below.
I’m 32 yrs old & have suffered from depression since I was a teenager. I find that living with depression is bearable when I have great things going on in my life.
As of these past couple of years, I have experienced a moderate amount of hardships. My mom became very sick, as a result, […]
So, if you didn’t already know, you are now the third person that knows about this, I don’t like to tell people unless they are really close or I end up upsetting them therefore id tell them. Well last summer in 2018 I had the worst months of my life, there were 2 weeks where I decided not to eat at all and got taken to the hospital. I was in a state of mind where dying was the most important accomplishment for me. I’d lost the one person who made me stronger and who made me, me. I spent months on end crying and […]
What is it that I’m feeling right now?
Seems like a weird mix of jealousness, resentment, sadness, hate… anger? A clash between “I don’t deserve this” and “I’m worthless as it is.” Nothing has changed. I just feel… powerless. Like anything I try will be futile.
I just came to the realization that all our problems derive from ourselves and end with ourselves. However, doing something about it (and actually accomplishing something) is a totally different story.
The need to belong somewhere or with someone, the longing to be missed or loved, to feel like you matter, to feel the approval of others, to want what […]
i wish i can just die. like just die and go off. everything is too much to handle not because things are that hard it’s because i’m a coward. i’m just lazy. i eat, i panic then i eat. i want to fucking starve to fucking death but no i’m too lazy for that. i want to cut but i’m too lazy to clean after so i just end up sleeping. just sleeping and sleeping until my life goes away and my parents scream at me for not doing anything useful or helpful. i’m even lazy that i don’t finish my purge. how dumb is […]
next year I’m supposed to go to college
but when somebody asks me what do I want to study I don’t know what to say to them.
I never thought that I would make it pass this age.
Don’t be confused, this isn’t a survivor story, I’m not happy to be here.
I feel so lost and they expect me to think of something to study next year but I don’t want to do anything with my life
I’ve never planned to turn 18 so my future is really foggy, to be honest
I have two brothers who despise my father as well. He had always demeaned us since we were children(the oldest[aka kuya] is at least 37 and my other brother who lives with us is 24, I am 17 turning 18 in august). This is my last year of highschool and my father continued to tell me I would never graduate and amount to anything(to this day). He left beginning of Sophomore year and left my mom with no money when we were getting kicked out. I had talks with my mother while we were adjusting to our new life, and she admits that shes okay […]
i keep thinking that no matter how long i’ll live ill still be giving my life away and work only to support shitty companies that will eventually ruin earth. Even lets say i became something as noble as an author, i’d still be carried away with making books ruining tree for example. And even how people in fashion are trying to sell us things back, things that were on trend then died from trend but now since they ran out of ideas they sell the same things again, and we still buy it’s dumb. more of life not meaning anything. We cannot fix this messed […]
I am a suicidal survivor. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be, though. You think that once you have finally made it past being suicidal and depressed that you’ll always feel better; there are no simple fixes to being mentally broken. It’s not a broken bone that will one day heal. Even though I do not actively want to die, i’ll hear a song, or watch a show that I watched or listened to when I was hurting and depressed and I will spiral down the rabbit hole once more. The emptiness still lingers, and I still have thoughts. When a person becomes that […]
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