A lot of people will just abandon you at your worst. Sadly true reality.

my ex was right, I am useless and nobody cares, not even my friend. I’m sure my friend is getting tired of me and is sick of me, and I can’t blame her, she has much better friends, she’ll be ok. I’m sorry that I waste her time (not her words).
Only reason someone would care is out of pity or they want to make themselves look better, like himself.
I just want him to stab me to death and all will be over.
I don’t want anything.
And it will make me happy that failures like me are dead. I know he’d want that, […]

I can’t do this. I can’t let go. I don’t know how other people do it but I can’t. Even before the past was just too much but the recent past is even worse. Years and years being the butt of that joke and knowing it deep in the back of my head no matter how hard I tried to trust. I don’t know what to do. Feels like being a living corpse infested with maggots and vultures ripping away at the rotting meat. Not that anyone gives a crap. People have their own problems they need to deal with and should be caring about […]

I had off today for Memorial Day. It was nice to have a 3 day weekend before having to put my head under the water again this week. That’s what this job feels like. Holding your breath under water. And those little moments when I’m not at work is like coming up for air and gasping only to have my head pushed under again. I just need to make it to August. I keep saying that, but you know. I finally got my medication again. Since I’ve been off these medication for a long time I was […]

I hate that so much.  Every single doctor or therapist I go to has to have an emergency contact person.  I have to either make up someone or explain that I don’t have anyone.  There isn’t a single person to call to help me.

Most of the time I just make up someone and list my own phone number.  No one ever checks these things.  It still makes me feel ashamed for being alone.

One therapist rejected me for listing no one.  Don’t you have a friend or priest or neighbor you could call if there was a crisis?  She said her license wouldn’t allow her to […]

Each and every passing day I get closer and closer to being able to fully commit to killing myself and throughout my life its caused me to take a deeper look at life including my own as a whole.

Life is rife with issues and has begun to feel like its not even worth living for, even with all that I have in this life. Family, friends, acquaintances, and activities are the only things that really keep me in this life living through it all. But even now I find myself giving into these horrid thoughts, even with the kind of blessings I have had. I […]

Nihilism sucks……at least it still helps with my social anxiety but then what’s the point anyway?

“I contribute nothing. I’m useless. I need to stop acting like I’m depressed and start working.” Those are my mother’s words, not mine. If I talk back I get punished, if I try to help I get humiliated and degraded. Why should I be alive anyway? It’s not like I make anyone’s day better. It’s not like I’m helping anyone. Even the times I have helped someone, it must have been something I imagined because no one else remembers me ever helping anyone. Like, what am I even supposed to do? Everything just gets taken away from me. My parents just undermine all my efforts […]

It was a long expected reunion, between myself and death. We’re old compatriots, comrades, but not really friends. If you’re friends with death, that’s another world entirely. It’s like being sexually attracted to death. While I admit that it has an allure, death is rarely sexy, and even more rarely openly attractive. Rather it is an acquired taste. One of many of mine.

I knew it would return. Like a lover with low self esteem, death slinks back, ashamed to admit that it needs to associate. It comes in waves. Death of a family member with death of a pet, or beloved friend. Death of career […]

No one listens. No one listens when I talk. Everyone makes up excuses. Everyone tears me down. NO ONE LISTENS!

I want to scream: I AM ME! I AM ME!!! I AM ME!!!!!! STOP TRYING TO CHANGE ME!!!!! STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME “BETTER” BY YOUR STANDARDS!! I AM ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m not unwell. I am unique. I am not sick. I see the world differently. I do not speak through my illness. I speak in a different voice. I am different. I am me.

I want to scream my truth to power. But I won’t be heard. If I speak, I am shouted down. If I feel, I […]

It’s imminent now. I will use emergency chemical measures to stay another 6 months. After that it’s only a matter of time. I have dual noble gas and ingestion means for a peaceful exit. In the unlikely event that fails, I’m looking at a shotgun slug in a sawed off when (presumably) released from institution and I’ll be making a big mess of myself. All I ever wanted was a family and some love, something even the lowest forms of human life receive. Instead, I received nothing but a life of endless work, loneliness, pain and humiliation in zombieland while I constantly work to better […]

I don’t know when I

Stopped believing I was

A worthwhile human

I hate being alive. I’d kill myself, but my parents would freak out and my siblings/friends would be sad. So I literally only live because other people expect me to…

This lack of meaning in my life has led me to focus excessively on the superficial things such as how I look, what I have, and what other people think of me. The raging philosopher in me condemns this, but I can’t help it.

Whenever something goes wrong or I experience a setback in my life now, I get so upset, as if every good thing in my life has gone. I guess the feeling is kind […]

Omg I’m glad to see this site is still up and running. I made several friends here that are still close to my heart!

That’s all the good news, the bad is, I don’t really have any advice! I came through to the other side using unconventional methods.
(I didn’t let doctors dope me up and essentially calm my personality down. I like my personality just the way it is. I was just tired of the depression brought on by anxiety)

Any who I’d like to drop a poem for all that’s interested in poetry! It’s about a friend I’ve made since I’ve got better. […]

Does anyone else believe that dead people can awaken from the grave or awaken from ashes, as in, their soul can arise from those ashes, and they’ll be walking around?

My dad’s dead but part of me believes that he’s actually still alive… he probably wanders around at night and goes back to where his remains are…

Sorry if stupid post

Hi. I am a very lonely guy with a very scarred mind. I am suicidal and I find that talking to others in similar situations as mine helps me out a lot. Perhaps you will also feel lighter by sharing your story of suffering with me? Anyone interested mail me grassm55@gmail.com

I’m so bored. I’ve done pretty much everything except for drugs. Maybe I should. I just want to feel something that’s not just… really heavy emptiness and boredom. I’ve listened to so many songs, I’ve watched movies, jerked off, I can eat as much junk food as I want to. But I don’t want to do any of those things. They’re all boring now. Yesterday and the day before that I went out, took a walk. Maybe two hours. I didn’t feel anything except pain in my legs. For like a month and a half I’ve been thinking of just, buying a bottle of vodka, […]

while i dont believe anyone should be desensitized to anything, some times one has to be to survive. and some times its best for these people to step down and allow those mentally capable to fight their battle.

rest, take a break.