It’s wet outside in the desert this morning, the smell of washed rocks heavy in the moist air. The rest of the world still sleeps. The moonlight trying to shine through a thin blanket of dusty clouds.
These moments are the most peaceful, with my coffee in hand as I soak up the silence: Before the worlds machine turns on and destroys every ounce of tranquility there is to have.
I have attempted through various means several times over the past year. All were unsuccessful, obviously. So I fucking suck at living and I’m such a fuck up I can’t even kill myself correctly. SMMFH
Well. Glad I got that out. I feel much better.
Been a while since I’ve been here. Just haven’t felt like I’ve needed this place for a bit. But occasionally I just need to dump out the contents of my head. I’ve just been feeling real numb lately. Not sad or angry, just hollow. I’ve been keeping up with school work and I’ve actually been doing things at a reasonable pace. I’m still busy during the week, but I haven’t been overwhelmed by procrastinating on assignments. I’ve been trying to jog lately, but getting the motivation to do it is a pain. I was also doing full […]
Change my mind lmao
Short of a couple million dollars, I think I’m doomed to be depressed.
“I will xoxo. I hope someday you’ll truly realize how much I love you, how much I care for you & how I’ll never do anything to bring you harm ever again. your body is just so perfect to me, I adore your personality & the way you feel for me & love me makes me wanna break down. please don’t confuse me wanting your body, as the only reason I talk to you.”
oh, trust me, I fucking know that’s not the only reason you talked to me. you spoke to me because you wanted to keep me wrapped around your finger. you spoke to […]
I dont think ill ever feel rested no matter how much i sleep. The constant need to always keep moving has always haunted me. I dont make myself at home because i never know how long we will be in that place. Our clothes always remain in suit cases or garbage bags or a basket. Because if we have to leave real quick atleast our stuff is in our bags already.
This is more of a fun post, not suicide or depression related.
My bucket list is not very long but this is a new thing I just added, and I think you all should too: Eat a sandwich with cutlery.
Definitely something everyone should experience at least once in their life.
“the thought of what I did to you, it tore me up inside. you didn’t deserve that, no one does. thinking of how happy you made me, how miserable I made you feel at times. how could you forgive me? please don’t confuse me as ungrateful, I love you. how could I not? I hate to be an echo chamber of words whispered into your ear a million times over, but you’re worth it. your smile that could melt away the stars, so bright, filling others with pure bliss. your soft spoken words, it’s as if the wind carries your words & dance to the […]
I really want to drink tonight. I am 24, alcoholic. I am a shipwreck. Don’t have alcohol. No means that will allows me a reasonable certainty not to wake up tomorrow. I have bad anxiety and ending up in a hospital which would be worse than everything. I don’t even know what I want. Just not having any of these thoughts I guess. The ones telling me what a worthless crazy piece of shit. Flashbacks hurt so much. Knowing that even how hard I try my mother will continue to grasp any power she has on me to make me feel guilt for being her […]
My dad who sexually assaulted my 6yrold son has taken everything from me n my kids. Hes made us homeless. He sold or trashed all of our belongings that were still in the house. He sold my jeep. His actions destroyed my son and he questions his self worth and thinks hes ugly n says he wants ti commit suicide. So hes in therapy. I heard through the grapevine that my father will not serve prison time for 1st deg sexual assault n incest, and that he will prob only get probation which is not the justice my 6yrold son needs. Also found out this […]
I envy some of the people who post here, in that they can spill out their hearts so easily…I am not that way, I am very reserved and am only capable of writing effectively when things are at their worst, when I am overcome with despair, sadness or great depression. I wonder why that is. Thoughts merge into words when I’m emotional, sad. I write here, and my words are carefully edited, to sound as coherent as possible. I can’t speak the way I write, for the most part. I tend to ramble and repeat things I already said, going off on tangents, censoring myself […]
It’s a strange feeling returning to this website again, after being absent for many months. This website offers me solace, in the darkest times.
It’s interesting, because I thought things finally got better and then I find myself in the darkness again. Upon reading my own old posts, it seems that it’s same position I was in ages ago. Except that it’s worse this time.
Cutting does not work as much anymore and the blade is boring. I thought about heating a blade up and using it, but instead opted for a serrated knife. I’ve been drinking almost every day now as well, some nice cheap wine […]
50mg tramadol x 20 pills=1,000 mg or 1 gram. Goodbye world, I can’t do this anymore.
To those I love, don’t worry, I am not going anywhere. I have apparently made it worth it to go on in life, unfortunately that does not mean I have lived happily. You wonder why I am different, wonder why I am not like my brother or how I came to be this way. You might think I am simply sad or angry, but that is not how it works. I’m lonely, miserable, and depressed. And even if you show me that you love and care for me and the people around me make it seem like I got good company, my mind […]
you lied.
you lied you lied you lied you lied you LIED.
liar liar liar liar liar LIAR
YOU WERE AND CONTINUE TO BE THE SOURCE OF MY PAIN, I FEEL SO ALONE WITHOUT YOU AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT. YOU TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME.
FUCK YOU
I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I […]
why do people make things worse?