I’m 24 and I’m a larger gentlemen. I’ve have been told “I’m a heartattack waiting to happen”. I’ve had and continue to have depression/anxiety/bipolar disorder/OCD/Aspergers, so I’ve been around the mental illness block and with too many marks on my arm to count. For the longest time, I thought the only thing I really wanted and was missing was a girlfriend. Well recently I had started talking with a girl, things were going very well and a date was set up. I canceled the date and told her I’d been having some problems and wasn’t ready to meet anybody or be in a relationship. She was very understanding and […]
He could have put dagers into my heart, and it would hurt much less. He could have shot me even. Everything would have been easier. His goal, was killing me inside slowly. Wasn’t that everyones wish? It’s now mine. Do you know what it’s like ? To count your breaths? As you regret each and everyone one. Hearing your heart beat so fast? Wishing it was just your last? I wish..hope..now and here to, soon end it. Just as many people do. But this time, it’s NO ONE’s choice, but my own.<3
Everything I had told him about my past was a lie in one way or another. I was afraid he wouldn’t love me if he found out what scum I used to be, and it turns out that I am still scum.
I treated the only person I have left with disrespect and now he doesn’t know why he loves me.
I had second thoughts, I got caught up in lies and hurt him and now that I am being honest with him, it still causes him pain. I promised him I wouldn’t do anything to harm myself and I have stuck to it, but he keeps […]
I’m a 14 year old girl. I cannot blame my depression and other emotional problems on other people. Although, yes, based on others’ actions & words, I slowly morphed into a very gloomy person. But i take full credit because I let it all get to me instead of staying strong like most people suggested after sharing my feelings. After starting elementary school i realized what a cruel world i lived in. Exclusion and judgement had me go home frowning. “Don’t talk to her because she’s ugly,” they’d say. I began growing out my bangs then covering a majority of my face with them. Insecurity […]
It’s been months since the last time I held a knife close to my forearm
I had kept myself distracted and persuaded myself into thinking cutting doesn’t help at all
but personally
i don’t feel as numb once my skin has been detatched
at least, temporarily
and it sucks
uncertain if i should attempt to
Because it brings much more harm
Than it brings good
Questions swirl
Why am I so depressed?
Why am i so angry?
Why am I so ugly?
Is it the weather?
Every little dilemma?
When should I start again?
Dad said i have a “shitty attitude”
My brother says I ruined everything for him
Guys are always criticising my appearence
And I’m not the friend I used to be
At […]
So, I just found out that, um, Owen is 16. And he’s going to be 17 in a few days. Fuck. I mean, yeah, he’s sweet, cute, and stuff, but.. I just don’t like him. I tried to, but I can’t make myself feel something that I don’t. Maybe I should just tell him that my parents found out and said that he was too old for me…
Sometimes I feel like nothing,just a body.Thats on a good day.Because on a bad day it hurtsto be alive,when i do feel…
When i’m numband I’m just a body’going through the motions’not caring if I’m gonna be homeless tomorrow,or have nothing to eat,or if I’m gonna be in physical pain.
But when i’m empty,I’m numb,I’m just useless and take up space,and wish i could give my life to somebody that wants it.Its so unfair,some people have terminal illnesses and would give anything to stay alive,yet here I am,wishing for death..
There I’m starting to feel,Guilt. I dont want to feel,I just want to be numb.
Comfortably numb..
So, I have to take the ACT this morning. Yes, I’m 13, but I was accepted to take it by Duke University (The TIP Program). I’m a little nervous, Â but I think I’ll be just fine. Anyway, I had a dream last night. A dream about Owen. I dreamed that we got married. I hated it. I didn’t love him. I loved Trevor. I know it seems like Trevor is kind of a “bad boy”, but he treats me just as well as Owen does. I don’t know what to do. Of course, I’ve decided to give Owen a chance, but.. I don’t know. Something […]
Honestly, what is the point of hurting someone you loved? There is no point is there? & there never will be, do you understand yet? It wouldn’t suprise me if you did just use me. I’m sure yoy do that to all girls.. You said “i know how it feels! I’ll never do it to you!” that was jusy a bunch of bullshit lies? I’d honestly rather be dead then have to think of you, i fucking hatie it! Why did i have to go through this?! I’m beggjng you to stop but will you ever? Probably not. Will it eber be the same? Doubtful.. […]
I was never a religious person nor am I now but I often think that I am stuck in hell. “Hell on earth” , hell of depression , loss , memories , feeling like I am speaking in a foreign language because people may hear me but they DON’T understand me so I resort to silence then there is the heartbreak , the feeling like your heart is literally being broken into two and the thoughts come and they are anything but organised.. I am left angry and exhausted. I think , this is what he must of felt like and I had no idea. […]
I don’t know how to live my life anymore. Everything is so fake. I had to live almost eleven years hiding the fact that he harasses me, trying to rape me every chance he had. and I got through it for myself.
I try to be a better person but still feel that no one understands. Everyone tells me why I’m not happy? How do they want me to smile if I live with the constant reminder of what he did to me.
She say I’m weird, I should live somewhere else, not at home with my brothers infecting them whit […]
I am full out screaming on the inside as my life feels so out of control.
My life should be more even keeled than it is and I am so fed up with trying to keep my balance and do the right thing all of the time. I know I could just go to bed but it is better to dump this poisonous mood on here and get it out of my physical body. I want to have what I believe is a better place to live, in a better area and the thought behind that is that if I am in a better physical […]
Long story short.
I was so in love with my ex boyfriend. Everyone always asked why I dated him because I model and they all thought he was so “below” my league. But I adored him. And believed him when he said we would get married and go to college together.
He cheated on my behind my back for 7 months. He would never take me on dates or buy me flowers. I did all the work. At christmas he promised to take me on a trip to NYC. I got nada.
His new girlfriend he left me for? Trip to NYC for christmas. That was supposed to […]
Ok so my new psych basically told me that if I continue to take drugs she can’t see any point in us trying to work on things. Jesus the fact im takin so many drugs is because I hate life so much and need help before I do actually succeed in my attempts. If this is the help I get then quite frankly, I can do without being made to feel like a useless junkie.
I feel  alone and unloved. I’m constantly feeling numb and as though I’m a waste of space. I came here to vent . Hopefully it helps. Although I doubt it will. I feel empty all the time and constantly contemplate killing myself.. I’d cut but I have no energy.. I think if i had a gun close by, I’d already be dead….
my story goes back over 20 years ago. I spent all of the time depressed,angry, unable to fit in, with an overal clarity and understanding of how dismal life really is. Enlightened. I finally was designated with PTSD…the VA profided all sorts of false hope and more than enough prescriptions to dull whatever senses I had left. I kept with their regimen..a good soldier with a true wish to be cured. Just to be happy….maybe even joyful. One by one, i lost old freinds, then family. A few hung in there becoming scholars on the issues. studying..proclaiming their understanding…..only to finaly cave in and admit […]
I wonder if the Wellbutrin has finally started to work…
I was fake-happy this morning, and I didn’t think (seriously) about killing myself even once, all day. Â And tonight I was sad but not suicidal-sad. Â Now I’m…okay.
Yet nothing has changed, so. Â Hmm.
Part of me doesn’t want to get better if it means I can’t kill myself. Â That’s kinda fucked up.
I havent been on here in about a month. Mostly because Ive been trying to better myself. But things have gotten bad again. I think I might need help, because I cant control myself sometimes. And it makes me feel bad because I try so hard to. I just recently started punching things again. I want to do that right now actually. It makes me feel better. But I made a promise to someone I love that I wont. For some reason, I just want pure silence and to be left alone.
Umm, I don’t know if I’m posting on here correctly, or if people will even see. I have lived with depression since I was seven years old (yes, really, I was sent to a child psychologist, put that on your CV).
I am now 28 and I have battled all my life. I saw my friend kill himself 10 years ago but unfortunately that has not put me off.
I guess I’d like to find people who think that my feelings are normal, and that the inevitable is not such an evil thing.
SBF