For the one who’s always
had it all together
I’m breaking pretty bad
You think that I’m some
amazing person
but I’m breaking pretty bad
you tell me that
you look up to me
but don’t you ever
dare become me
I’m breaking pretty bad
I’m so tired of always being submissive about any and everything all the time. I dont stand up for myself like I should but does that really give everyone an excuse to walk all over me.
When I was younger I thought that life was something filled with happiness, love, and comassion. I have come to the awakening that all it is, are unsatisfyed expectations, sympathy, and a dream unlike any other.
I bet when everyone was little, they dreamed of being popular and having a shitload of friends, and life goals to be presidents and astronauts. I wonder if they ever came to the […]
I had a hard time getting up this morning… I took the cookies to work…. I acted all bubbly and happy… I am ‘working from home” tomorrow… I actually fooled myself that I was happy… I am home alone… on the edge of tears… thinking about death… asking myself am I right or wrong … am i just creating a downward spiral… will i be better if i hurt myself or keep myself so busy that i cant have these thoughts? i have home project to do but i just dont have the energy to do them.. i just want to go to bed.. .. […]
Years ago, I read a magazine article about a girl who committed suicide, and she went on a website that supported her. Of course, they didn’t name the site. But I have recently discovered it…
Here is the remains of the site:
http://ashspace.org/
Here are websites that I have found in connection with ASH:
http://fringe.davesource.com/Fringe/Information/Suicide_FAQ.html
http://suzyslaw.com/about-suzy/suzanne-gonzales/
http://archive.ashspace.org/ashbusstop.org/lta_calc.html
I dunno what else to do with this stupid thing called life anymore, today was just another terrible day. i woke up feeling terrible, i made my best and tried to calm myself down and got out of bed, i was still feeling terrible, i didn’t manage to make any tasks not even my h-w, i lied to my mum w7hen she asked “are u ok” , i lied again when she said “are u still talking with your friends”, i cut myself cause i can’t deal with my stupid pain anymore which is both mental and physical at the same time [beccause of what i mentioned in my […]
I was sexually abused at a young age for a period of time. I’m now 18 years old and through out my childhood/teenage years I found it hard to trust people, I am also depressed for as long as I can remember. I met my boyfriend at the age of about 12 and after 3 years I trusted him enough to start a relationship. This relationship last 2 years, I was in some parts of my life content because of my relationship. In August 2009 I found out my boyfriend had been sleeping  with another girl for 2-3 months starting in April. I was devasted. I forgave him. […]
what else can i say? its the same nightmare over and over again. all the rage the fighting. the screaming……
recently my boyfriend of 6 months dumped me because i wasn’t talking to him all that much.i tried to explain to hiim why. but he wouldn’t listen, but we talked last night and i told that i was sorry…. being that i’m not very social in the first place. why won’t he listen? i have no idea. i honestly have gone a bit nuts because of this. I don’t know what to do. i miss him so much, we still talk but i still have this […]
i feel that i have ruined my mum life. she had me when she was young and i feel if i wasnt alive she would be much more happy have more going for her life.  she is alcoholic and drinks all the time comes home drunk most the time,  i know i dont make her drink and stuff but i just think  if she didn’t have me she wouldn’t do that or feel like that. and that just makes me feel sad and makes me feel like i deserve to feel like this, i should feel sad and angry miserable all the time. theres all […]
Most people who know me would say I’m a pretty forgiving person. But there’s just one person I will never forgive. The asshole who raped me. He was 16. I was 12. We had been best friends for 8 years. He told me he loved me. He said he cared about me. He said I was the most beautiful girl. And because I was so ignorant, I believed him. He took me into his house, made me get drunk. And then he threw me into his closet. He ripped off my clothes and called me disgusting. He kicked me to the ground, to the point […]
That’s the deepest I’ve ever cut. I just love to sit and lap up the blood with my toungue. God, I’m so deranged. I tried listening to music. It hurt. I tried silence. It hurt. I tried reading a book. It hurt. I called a friend. It hurt. I masturbated. I just cried harder. Now I wish that the pain from the knife were helping the way it used to. It’s like heroin: worse and worse for me as I try harder and harder to feel as good as I did that first time. I don’t have any dreams any more. That’s really the worst […]
i had no idea i carried so much anger and guilt that followed my 3 attempts, but i’m learning that it’s something i need to get rid of now before it takes me down. i think 7 years is enough time to forgive myself after my attempts and consider myself worthy of life again. anger at myself for being a silent victim and not seek help when it was available. now 13 years deep into my depression i’m coming to grips with the fact that i’m depressed, but it’s not as much of a death sentence as i felt it was 7 years ago.
when […]
it’s been non-stop for me. I try to remember why I feel like this, if the real source is from one of my past lives, but I can never get an answer. I don’t know why I’m alone, why everyone I try to get close to always push me away.
Obviously it’s something I did. I just wish I knew what I did.
I’m sick of trying to please everyone. I have only been hurt my entire life. I’m only 15, and I am already sure that I want to kill myself. I was raped at the age of 12 by someone I trusted. My father is an alcoholic and beats me. My parents don’t understand what I’m going through. I’m a bulimic. I burn myself and cut myself. I have no idea what else to do. Trhe pain just won’t go away. I feel like I’m falling and no one is there to catch me. I have no one to help me. No one cares enough. No […]
This my time line and I want there to be no doubt that I decided to die this day March 13th. It was 2 o’clock the darkness started creeping into my mind. I had an epiphany.
I had a horrible motor cycle accident when I was twelve years old. I had a panic attack and though my mom was leaving me to work at the shale pit with my Dad and brought. My Mon, Donna and I where staying home that day and Lynn and my Dad had gone to the Shale pit that day to work . […]
Don’t know what to do where to turn or how to do it. I guess i am in crisis??.. all i want is for this isolation and physcal and mental pain to end or subside. Cannot think or for that matter function….I know I am going crazy (so this is what it feels like). Honestly, truely without a doubt; dying looks and feels to me like relief mercy. They say get help, call someone, go to the ER, call your doctor, crap if it were really that easy, they all give the impression as i am wasting their time […]
You call
I try not to pick up
or I say I’m too busy
but really I’m dying
and the sound
of your loving voice
somehow makes me
feel more lonely
so I’m sorry
I have access to a decent amount of Tramadol Hydrochloride tablets, as well as almost 200 amitriptyline hydrochloride tablets. Could these kill me if taken all together with the addition of alcohol?
I wake up in the morning tossing and turning heart burning. I dont know what to do. I hate everything. I stand here and act as im fine no one knows im struggling im just putting fake smiles on and hoping people believe me. I dont want to live anymore. I see god as a figure I should believe in but I cant. I cant find myself to believe what people say. I listen to christian music but all I hear is sadness and hoplessness. Im going in a circle and its going to kill me. im told I control my attitude but everything […]
Tomorrow’s the big day, and before anyone says anything, I want this. Just saying goodbye
I have thought about my chosen method for a while now. I have treatment resistant depression, and have done for the last 4 years. Recently, I have moved on from the classic, if slightly idle, suicidal ideation and into “how can I come up with a foolproof, no chance of finding/’rescuing’ method?” I have tried hanging twice, and both times I hauled myself up the rope to end the pain, so hanging isn’t really an option for my third and final attempt. My criteria are:
1) No chance of survival if I choose to go through with it,
2) Very little chance of anyone finding […]