One of these days I’m going to eat the slug. I was always a miserable self-destructive pos. Tried to get my life together and got fucked up badly with injuries and illness. Now im in chronic pain. Fortunately i got about what i deserve so im not crying about that. Just dont want to go through life being useless anymore. My body is wrecked. My mind is rotted. No point in living if you cant contribute or bring value to others. People around me say im one of the most negative people they know; and admittedly i dont like anybody. I Dont like my family. […]
I feel like dying. I wonder if it’s more serious this time.
Where have I been the last couple of days, you (do not) ask?
This is not a threat, this is a statement. I have been successfully pushed over the brink/the edge.
At the same time, I’m fucking insane. My suicide is an attempt to make others feel pain. I have been wronged, but I could have read the room and set realistic expectations for myself/I could have never developed the expectations I had in the first place/I could have done my level best to adapt to my environment.
My suicide is essentially me telling life it doesn’t deserve me. I said something similar a while ago, that “this […]
I think the biggest struggle for me is getting myself to do anything beyond the bare minimum. All the tiny little things that might make my life a bit less shitty. I do so few of them. Because why push myself to improve things a small amount, if they’re still going to suck?
Ever since I broke my sense of meaning by deviating so far from morality, I’ve been in this perpetual state of lethargy. 16 years now. Pretty much my entire adulthood. I wake up, and try to force myself out of bed. Remind myself of all the things I should be doing, why I’m […]
hate, hate, hate…hate, hate, hate…
double hate
loathe entirely!
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Fs5hZIQ6RQc
~10s
I was in the store in pursuance of wood varnish spray. Unfortunately I couldn’t find it so I engaged the female clerk who looked foreign, ” Hi, Im looking for the wood varnish spray” I said. ” What spray?” Said the foreign clerk. One has to stick to his own kind, ppl outside of the Anglosphere tend to be different, when English is not the first language communication problems tend to ensue. ” the wood varnish spray” I said. ” I don’t know wood varnish spray” she said. A girl in her 20’s a fellow shopper got involved, “What was that? The wood varnish spray? […]
I may have found another path that I can do without the danger of relocating, but I have to wonder if I’m being brave or stupid.
The whole finding the job in my dream location has gotten me back on the social work path. There frankly aren’t a lot of options for someone with a psychology degree who doesn’t want to live in the city. Not that the city is working so well either, but cities in general are getting expensive. It’s why this move is the smart financial decision, that is the move out of state and outside of major metro areas. The social work […]
Why “life is so wonderful”?
Wonderful for WHO?
Just bc YOU have a great life doesn’t mean life is great or wonderful for someone else.
People just can’t see anything beyond themselves.
Selfish idiots.
(btw, this is post is about OTHER ppl constantly telling me how “life is so wonderful” whenever I tell them how depressed I am or how hard my life is. they always exclaim how wonderful life is, and I’m like, yeah, for who, YOU?)
It’s all fucked up.
I had the strength to look at a job listing today. It’s hard for a lot of people to understand, but this is more optimism than I’ve felt in a long time. I haven’t worked for a year. The thing about it is that even though I’m qualified, it is a reach, most jobs that would interest me are. I’m sick of building up my career with low level jobs. For perspective my field is public health, mental health, especially involving children. I’m looking at going back to social work, A; because I think I’m good at it, B; because it’s one of the few […]
Forbidden toy, I guess :/
Where are the people with love in their hearts, empathy, understanding for others?
Where are the people who jump into action when others are in need?
Hi well I thought I’d come back and say hi, I’m afraid I’m in a world of hurt, I’ve been bed ridden for the last six months.
Not exactually sure what’s wrong with me but I have a good idea, it’s my spine, I did something to it that left me in agonizing pain, not joking the pain is so bad I wish I were dead. Nobody can live with pain like this! I can’t move I lay flat on my back day after day, wanting to go to the ER wanting to die, never knew what pain was till this happened. The doctors won’t give […]
I fucking HATE my shit ass family. It’s xmas eve. NO ONE invited me to Thanksgiving or Xmas.
I have an infection on my arms and legs and can’t walk and NO ONE is fucking helping me. I can barely get dressed let alone walk. Not to grocery store, not anything. I am fucking suffering and NO ONE even bothers to ask how I’m doing, let alone help me in any way or shape. FUCK EVERYONE. I am DONE with them ALL.
Is there any wonder WHY I am angry as shit at life? I’m TIRED of […]
I’ve written variations of this many times before, but I’m still trying to figure it out.
The majority of my suffering is self-generated. Meaning it emerges as a result of who I am as a person. I obviously have my fair share of physical aches and pains, which are less directly down to problems with who I am. But the mental stuff feels far worse, and it’s generally completely unnecessary. No purpose is served by my being swallowed by feelings of isolation, loss and despair.
I wouldn’t expect to ever have complete control over my emotions. But it seems like it is possible to alter over time […]
Getting my head shaved on Christmas and keeping it that way going forward. I’ll never look in the mirror again except for shaving once in while, maybe not even then. I figured part of my self hatred might dissipate if I don’t see my face ever again, except when unavoidable.
:'(
It sucks, the connection was trivial (I think) but I remember I saw some dude nearly get ran over by a driver at a grocery store parking lot. I remember saying something just audible enough so that the dude was able to hear me. I think I said something like: “man, that guy drives like a douchebag”. Apparently he appreciated my comment or something. Can’t remember all the details because I was drunk but I remember we both had nothing going on that day and we connected. We seemed to have the same sense of humor and interests. It almost felt like I was talking […]
I can feel the depression creeping back in and quite frankly, I am scared. I’m scared of myself, I’m scared of what I’m capable of doing. When I get depressed, my intrusive thoughts win. I don’t have the energy to fight them off when I’m depressed. After my 6th hospitalization in October, I told myself that it would be my last one, but I’m not so sure anymore. It’s been a battle, an uphill one at that.
I’m sad that this is the way things are. I have everything going for me – an engineering degree in progress, a nice car, a beautiful home… I […]