Feeling so lonely
I would like to stop existing
I think, feel l might die soon, this year
So, I posted on here about 10 years ago. When I felt I had no where to turn. I’m there again. 10 years later. I have two beautiful children, a third on the way… a husband who I am sure does love me very much.. but why can’t I just be happy????
If it wasn’t for this child I’m carrying I honestly think I would have put a bullet in my head tonight. I keep thinking, for hours now, that I’ll have him or her – nurse them for a year or so… just long enough to see them develop with the beginnings of their own […]
I started my account here in 2012 I have been through a whirlwind of adventure. From countless suicide attempts I discovered a reason to stay alive. I definitely do struggle, I got severe post partum depression but that actually changed my life. It kicked me in the ass to get a job and I learned being a stay at home mom wasnt my thing and that’s okay. My fiance has abusive tendencies but honestly I do too and were working on them together. I have been the sole provider for nearly a year now my fiance can’t hold a job and money is my biggest […]
why is it that the people i love and care for neglect me and forget me. i give all my love and it’s just ignored, as if i never existed. i know we carry on with our lives and new things happen, but if you really truly loved me and cared for me, you wouldn’t forget me totally. it hurts me when a person who meant so much to me pretends as if we where never friends.
just tell me if you can’t be bothered with me anymore. i know that i will break cause of the pain of them leaving me, but… even if […]
I need you.
You are one of the most active and supportive users I have seen on this site in a long time. Offering encouraging words, silly stories, and being a caring friend. Every time I go on the site, I see you in the comments, talking to people. And it’s never judgmental or rude. It’s sympathizing and light hearted. I’ve wanted to make this post months ago to be honest, and now I’m just even more amazed that you’re still here still actively bringing people up.
I’ve decided that I’m giving myself 8 more years and then I’m going to commit suicide if my life doesn’t get even slightly better. 8 years is such a long time, I swear I don’t deserve even half of it. But still, I’ve decided I’m going to give myself a chance, no matter if I’m worthy of it or not.
God, I forgot how good a knife edge feels….
If anyone can get this last clip of scene and maybe put it on youtube or provide a link, that would be great
my depression fixer
I haven’t been on here in five years. I read some of my old posts on my old account and realized that I’m heading back down that path. When I stopped writing on here, my mind had gone from a dark place to a bright one. A place full of positivity. Five years later, here I am. No one is perfect. No one can stay happy all the time, and I know I’ll figure my shit out eventually but it’s hard, and I feel like I need to write about it. This website crossed my mind, and I figured why not?
I have attempted suicide many […]
I won’t bore you with my list of failures for today. Let’s just say that today has been another shitshow in a long life of shit days. Oh how I wish I would just not wake up any more. I just want to go on a vacation somewhere where there is not any laundry, broken toilets, cracked walls, lawns to mow, housework, beds to make, dogs to feed, dishes to wash, or cooking. But, I will never again have a vacation. I can’t afford one, and I never will be able to afford one again.
I am so sick of failing at everything. Other people my […]
Today for the first time my reasons for suicide outweighed my reasons against. Which doesn’t mean I’m going to do anything hasty. I’m still terrified of the idea. But for the first time it seems like the balanced, rational choice, rather than just an emotional reaction. My resistance to it now seems like the irrational emotional response.
I suppose what this mainly reflects is the further erosion of my optimism. I’ve had more time to dwell on what I value in life, and it’s become clearer how slim my chances of finding a meaningful life are. I’ve also been spending more time out and about, which […]
The meaning of you still here and breathing
Means you are stronger than you think
With all your problems
With all your mental disorder
With all the scar on your wrist or body
But you still breathing
Means you are stronger than you think
We are not weak
Maybe we cry more than people out there
We are not weak
Maybe we try to kill ourself hundred times more than people out there
We are not weak
And when all of this pass
You will believe that you never lose
Its just our way
Our different way
To win
Do you ever wish someone would slip a cyanide pill into your food so you could just die and not even notice It? I’m so fucking sick of being unsure of everything.
It’s 4:30 in the morning and no one will listen to my stupid nonsense. It’s been a little over a year since my last post on here and I’m basically in the exact same boat still. I’m still bald at 20, I haven’t had sex in 4 years, I’m down to just a handful of friends, and now to throw an even bigger wrench in my plot, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m trans which is exactly what I need living in rural New York. I know my friends care about me cause they still won’t let me die no matter how […]
My fate was sealed on Wednesday 28th August when a govt psychopath took away the last bit of autonomy I had.
I deeply regret that day when the cut wasn’t deep enough to die or even for a good stitch. I thought I had reborn the morning next and that I should start rebuilding myself – bit by bit. I hoped that that regret will wipe away. I would have my life within my limits and I’ve grown in all these months to not care for the world. Hoped a lot but sadly, here I am – again shattered, crying my eyes out and pain hammering my heart. I am simply thinking about how this present wouldn’t have existed if I was successful in doing what […]
I was reminiscing today about many things and I decided to take a trip down memory lane and somehow wound up on here again. As I was reading through my old posts, it hit me: all those times when the people I love told me it would get better were times when they knew better than I that it would, in fact, get better.
3 years ago I broke up with the person I thought at the time was the love of my life. It took a while to fully get over the pain, but the struggle revealed ways that I could work on myself that […]
Lost in the dark, with no lights anywhere.
Just walking around getting pulled around by black figures that mix into the darkness, figures that can’t be seen. I have no control over anything, I’m so confused and lost
Out of nowhere it’s like they’re grabbing my ankles, ripping me underwater. I can’t fight. I can’t breath. im drowning
Finally they let go and I swim to the surface thinking I see some light, get fully onto land and back to walking. Just as fast as I thought I saw the light, I get swiped off my feet and dragged into the darkness that disappeared. As […]
That’s a deep subject..I’m at a loss right now..feeling like I have no good reason to be on this planet any longer but I don’t want to bring anymore unnecessary pain to my 4 beautiful children and their families. I hurt so much physically (fibromyalgia) and mentally. I really don’t know how much more I can take..I’ve always been the one to make the sacrifice..