A few months ago I moved out to a new city. I thought a change in scenery would be good for me. A new job. A new life. But… it wasn’t my location that was defective. And everything still feels grey, still feels the same. But this city has some very high parking garages. Sometimes I go to them, go to the top floor. 6, 7, maybe 8 stories up. It’s quiet up there. And looking out across the city it’s peaceful. And the ground below… But, I don’t think I’d ever do it. I’m terrified of death. Terrified of lack of sensory input. Terrified […]
by the wayside.
And I can’t get up.
i give up on people and life
struggled how many years alone with no family on disability unseen by this world. can barely leave my apt. some days. i struggle out the side door, live with predators and bullies and the worst of humanity. try and relate to someone all they care about is me giving them a plastic cup back when i didn’t even remember it was in my hand. i forgot humans only care about their stuff not you .
fell for a narcissist and he manipulated, came back to talk for hours then threw me away like trash again, my “best friend” backbited me […]
I had some Tito’s last night, half a mug of the stuff. Fast forward half an hour later and I can barely stand, I’m calling my friends and weeping, and everything’s spinning. I woke up on my bedroom floor at 3 in the morning, laying in my fucking throw up. I took a shower with my clothes on. When I fell on the floor, I hit my nose. 0/10, would not do again. And don’t even get me started on how I feel now, I threw up twice already, and all my friends are asking if I’m okay.
Just having a moan, to try and get some of it out.
I don’t want to live with this reality anymore – where I’m this monstrous, twisted thing. Where I have to hide who I am from everyone because the truth is despicable.
It hurts, and there’s no way to fix it. What’s done is done, the past is in the past. But what’s the point, when you’ve condemned yourself to always being alone? When you can’t ever let anyone in? When you’ve morally isolated yourself from humanity. Where you can never be seen, or known, or feel truly safe with anyone. When you’re that alone, what’s […]
When I left the therapists a few weeks ago I felt so hopeful. I thought it was finally going to be over. And now……if someone handed me a way out. I’d take it without a second thought. Each passing day gets worse and worse and I fear I’m infecting my friends and family.
I want to write this because you will one day read this. Whether it be the three of you together, or each at a different time, you will all read this. When it is called for I suppose. I also want to write this as a reminder for myself.
Boys,
You have no idea how much I love you guys. All of our lives it has been us four. Brothers. The best bond I could have ever hoped for. You guys saved me. In a dark time in my life, when all I could ever dwell on is how much longer I’d have on this earth. When […]
So I was thinking about purchasing 2 bottles of Tylenol and downing all the pills with a small bottle of wine. I just wonder how quick the results will happen. I read it’s a painful way to go but I don’t know how else I would do it. I don’t own a gun and I don’t know where I would hang myself. If anyone knows that most convenient way or if my method is a good one, please let me know. Thanks
https://www.buzzfeed.com/christianzamora/things-people-who-hate-people-know-to-be-true
Im afraid of living
Cause my way already determined
And its not the way i want
Im afraid of living
Cause i hate being in pain and hurt
And keep crying even tho the reason to cry is gone
Im afraid of living
Im a coward
I know
I have dream
But the dream i love is nothing to them
My dream is a trash for them
I dont want to go on
Im afraid what should i do in my next step
Just to make then happy and proud
But i just want to kill myself
I’ve got a bag of Wendy’s, some music playing in the back, I’m just chilling on my bed and yet there’s a little part of me that is unsatisfied. I have nothing missing from my life right now; I should feel 100% happy. It seems like I can never be grateful for what I’ve got. I’ll say I’m grateful but a part of me will always find a way to complain about something.
I truly feel so incrediblely helplessnto the point I don’t know what my purpose is, or if I even have one. I don’t have any motivation to do anything anymore after years of everything I love, being taken away from me. I was given multiple “second” chances to live again, but I don’t even know how to??? Why was I given them only for me to be living in misery? Nothing ever works out in my favor and I don’t know what to do to help myself out of this hole. I’m alone with no one to turn to so here I am.
My husband wants to get a tattoo. Ok not a big deal but…he wants to get a tattoo of MY NAME! Isn’t that like a rule? Don’t get your significant others name tattooed on you because things could end. And then your stuck with this name on your body “umm….yeah…..didn’t think that through” I’ve tried to talk him out of it but he insists on getting it. I really wish he wouldn’t. Anything can go wrong in a normal relationship, lets forget about adding mental problems to it. That just brings in a whole new mess of problems. I just feel like maybe…it isn’t his […]
Good night, persons that i dont know huehue
Just come to share the pain feeling that sometimes i feel. Infortunily it s taking a lot of time to it appear?
And this is bad, bcs i dont feel anything else anymore. And this “pain” make me feel more alive.
I already tried to cut myself… i felt pain,but just for some time. And what i want is feel something
Well, this was what i want to share.?
If anyone already felt this or like it pls say it
And if someone want to talk, just say it
Good night again, guys?
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I’m always feeling dreamy: I just listen to some lofi and zone out for hours, thinking. I want to live in a studio apartment in New York. And there would be a little window overlooking the lights, and I’m just smoking weed w/ a friend or my girl on the bed, just talking about life. Life could be beautiful… I still think it is, I just can’t find it right now.
If they don’t see your worth, leave.
Been told that before but I’m stuck here anyway. Someone just told me that I am being paid less than what I should be. Didn’t think of it before but now I could never agree less. Is it wrong to keep doing this even though my income does not worth all the exhaustion and sacrifices I make?
I’m fucked up, I can only smile at this one. I just want to let all this out. I want to complain but I’m too much of a ***** and my mind’s telling me to just go with it bec they’ll know somehow […]
(Please read till the end) The title was meant to make me laugh. I have randomly been so tired and unmotivated. I haven’t been eating as much lately, which is weird because just last week I had been heavily indulging in Jack in the Box. This random week of depression came out of nowhere and I don’t know why. I am disappointed in myself because for a while, I was really motivated, I was working out twice a day, listening to positive audios, focusing on doing what I have to do to start my career. But all week, all I have done is sleep in. […]
“I can feel myself dissolving, but I’m too tired to care… this music is nice, I’ll just lay here for a bit.”
I dunno. I can’t tell anyone I know about how I feel because they don’t take it seriously. I don’t blame them; imagine being a teenager and a friend tells you that they don’t want to live anymore. It would be stressful. I don’t want my burdens to be on others, and I am going to therapy, but I just wish I had a friend who understood that I just want to talk and chill about feelings and meaningless bullshit. I don’t need the […]