Tag:

always

Happy Anniversary My Friend

by BlueEyes 4/1/2016

written by BlueEyes

Dearest, dearest MC,

April 1, a year ago, it all changed.

One year ago you felt the fresh air again after 3 agonizing months. And I was there for you in spirit, as I had been all along. But I soon, sadly, discovered “we” were gone.

But on this anniversary I still send you all my love my friend; I send you best wishes. I wish things were different, but I try to trust this is where we should be right now.

Maybe someday… Maybe someday you’ll remember that feeling we shared and have the courage to want to try again.

I hold onto hope; I hold you in love; […]

4/1/2016 0 comment

Constant change + fear of change = constant fear

by dividebyzero 4/1/2016

written by dividebyzero

Constant change is pretty much inevitable in life. I’ve always been really afraid of change. Therefore, constant fear seems pretty much inevitable in life. That’s one of the reasons I often feel so hopeless.

You’d think I’d have nothing to lose making a change now, given how miserable I’ve been for the past two years. Nope. I have to prepare myself for the worst, so that just in case the worst happens I won’t have some sort of breakdown. I start thinking that maybe my life now isn’t so terrible, which normally would be a good thing, except that I know as soon as the fear […]

4/1/2016 2 comments

Sad and Mad

by MaybeElena 3/31/2016

written by MaybeElena

Those are the only two emotions I feel anymore..

When I’m mad I turn into a monster, and feel like I have zero control over myself. This rage is like a hurricane destroying everything, and everyone in my way.

When I’m sad I cry about every little thing, and I mean EVERYTHING.. Someone looks at me the wrong way, and I start tearing up. Something very minor happens in a T.V show, I start balling my eyes out.

My mother is always saying that I need to get out of this “funk” I’m in. What she doesn’t realize is that I honestly cannot remember a time where I […]

3/31/2016 5 comments

Such a beautiful word and I can’t be part of it

by blank-clutter 3/31/2016

written by blank-clutter

I’ve come to a conclusion about a lifelong question. Where is all this hardship coming from. I wondered why there is always difficulty, frustration and then the inevitable pain in so many aspects of life. I first thought that world was just bull shit and it was or duty to find and fix all the issues. But recently I have found out that I’m the one with the issues.

Discovering this I wanted to change and be like others, to be normal. I realized that me being against the world was the whole chicken and egg thing. I’m not stuck in this mess because I’m against […]

3/31/2016 6 comments

people here irritate me

by rayonhousefly 3/31/2016

written by rayonhousefly

So I can often relate, I have and continue to struggle with multiple mood disorders and suicidal thoughts/tendencies. What really irritates me, even though I understand, is the constant barrage of teeny boppers who always say the same thing: This is just how life is, this is how it will always be, and theres nothing I can do to change it. I understand the feeling of helplessness very well, I just wish they could understand that all they are doing by surrendering unconditionally to their situation is admitting defeat. Once you stop fighting, the battle may as well be lost. As long as you are […]

3/31/2016 8 comments

I’ve Been Trying to Tell Them

by brxken._.lxcks 3/30/2016

written by brxken._.lxcks

My parents don’t know that I’ve become suicidal, no body does. Everybody sings out loud, I know I do, and my family knows that I’m always singing and listening to music. I’m always singing out loud or humming. So maybe they just stopped listening to me because for a while I haven’t been singing songs, I’ve been singing what I want to tell them, but don’t have the guts to actually telling them. I’ve been singing, “late at night your asleep and I’m awake, with a blade digging in my skin.” I sang that loud enough for all of them to hear, but they block […]

3/30/2016 1 comment

Rambling on about naked people and unicycles

by Cordless 3/29/2016

written by Cordless

I killed a spider today, which makes me arachni-cidal.

If I don’t hurry up and get an oil change for my car pretty soon, I will also be automoti-cidal.

Ever have the vague feeling that someone has been fooling you and lying to you about something and manipulating you all this time, and you’re only now starting to realize the magnitude of it all? Yeah. Me too.

My double vision is getting worse, and when I drove home from symphony rehearsal Tuesday night, I could see two of every sign, and two white lines at the side of the road. At my last medical appointment, I explained this, […]

3/29/2016 6 comments

Hanging by a thread…

by Sui the Bunny 3/29/2016

written by Sui the Bunny

So I have been temporarily let out of the hospital… On condition that a nurse is always has to come over and check on me I wanted to surprise you guy’s I was let out maybe 6 hours ago I just didn’t feel like talking… The hospital made me worse currently right now is a box of painkillers with over 750 pills in it and I don’t know what’s stopping me from taking the whole lot…. I’m honestly done with life but if I fuck up now and don’t succeed I won’t be let out of the hospital for a year or 2….

My “Mom” is […]

3/29/2016 6 comments

I backed out

by Resentment 3/27/2016

written by Resentment

I kept telling myself I would do it.
First I smoked some bud. Then I grabbed my backpack, drove to a parking lot along the river.
I crossed the railroad tracks, and tied the backpack straps around my waist as I made my way to the water.
I was still wearing nice shoes, but I figured it wouldn’t make any difference, so I waded in the water.

I had every intention of doing this. I stood there, having blocked any thought of turning around. I took another step forward, feeling my leg sink into the soot deeper than I thought. My heart raced.
I was able […]

3/27/2016 8 comments

tired of everything

by destroyedsoldier 3/27/2016

written by destroyedsoldier

I am tired, ive struggled for many years now, through chronic pain and major depression. I became distant from my partner and now i have lost her, we have been separated for the last year, and while i love her with all my heart i know we can never be together again,

my regret will be leaving my little girls, but i know watching there Daddy slowly decline will be worse for them, i only have one wish, and that is to hope they will know that daddy will love them forever, and i will always be with them, i only have a week or two […]

3/27/2016 5 comments

even more Bloodhound Gang

by Alan Ominous 3/26/2016

written by Alan Ominous

https://youtu.be/c7ktDJtXvFw

Why try? I’m that guy
Holden Caulfield from “Catcher In The Rye”
Put away ’cause he wasn’t all there
Like a jigsaw puzzle you might compare
Me to him not a liver but wurst
Been much better off as a still birth
Big let down unparalleled
Like the last episode of “Seinfeld”
Or Jack Lemmon in “Glengarry Glen Ross”
Pepsi Challenge took it lost
Just fizzed out with my wires crossed
Buttons pushed but never went off
Like Martha I will self-destruct
The name’s Dunnstock it’s not Dumptruck
Just cursed as fuck with no such luck
My future plans include not much

Never gonna be never […]

3/26/2016 17 comments

Seeing the obstacle in every opportunity

by dividebyzero 3/25/2016

written by dividebyzero

I’ve been reading this site for a few weeks but this is my first post. In a lot of ways, I wish I could go back to when I was little, when I spent most of my time alone in my room reading or solving number puzzles or making up stories. Before there was any pressure to socialize or compromise endlessly or impress others in general.

I spent most of my childhood blocking out my emotions. Criticism and rejection have always been very, very painful. It often feels like I’m walking around in a shooting video game except everyone else has armor or shields and I don’t. […]

3/25/2016 4 comments

by GTSuicide_6 3/25/2016

written by GTSuicide_6

For a long time, I’ve thought to myself, “You’re just being lazy”.

That’s what I thought. I’m too tired, too exhausted. I’m just bored with the day. Or maybe I’m sleepy and I am just such a lazy kid that I don’t get things done.

I’ve always known, deep down inside of me, that that’s not the true reason. But I still always doubted that maybe, just maybe, it IS.

But I realize at this moment, and I’m confirming at this moment, that all my beliefs about this being something else was true. And I’m confining that it IS true.

I am not lazy; I am not tired; I […]

3/25/2016 2 comments

For my mother

by bringtherave 3/25/2016

written by bringtherave

so I’ve been thinking, what I said before is true but, I couldn’t end my life for the sake of my mother. I know she hurts and I couldn’t put her through anymore. I want to tell her everything. I want to talk to her and help her. I made a promise to myself last night that I will always be here for her. no matter how much pain I have to go through. I have enough as it is but for my mother I would do anything. she’s the strongest person I’ve seen in my life and my hero. I’ll absolutely do anything for […]

3/25/2016 2 comments

No real intent

by aspie 3/24/2016

written by aspie

I’m so sorry for being a terrible person.

I will never be a doctor.

I would make an awful husband and father.

I regent putting everyone though hell.

Thank you Mom for always being there for me, please forgive me.

I’m sorry Katie for all the harassment I inflicted upon you and your friends.

I’m a coward for doing this.

I deserve nothing more then to be Satin’s *****

God let my condemnation provide justice for all my victims

3/24/2016 3 comments

Sweet tooth.

by beaubri 3/24/2016

written by beaubri

I live for sweets. It’s one joy in my life out of few. I don’t care if it’s bad for my teeth. I’d rather endulge in sweets throughout my life. I’m eating frozen moose tracks yogurt. My breath already smells funny. The yogurt is old, I’m not sure how old, but it has a little freezer burn. But I don’t care.

It’s cold tonight. It’s storming, raining and hailing. I eat ice cream and sich when it’s cold or nights like this. Isn’t that weird I hate ice cream in the summer. It melts so fast.

Besides this, I’m waiting to hear from a friend. He is […]

3/24/2016 14 comments

users

by Alan Ominous 3/23/2016

written by Alan Ominous

I made a poem? I guess it is… maybe, anyways, I tried using usernames, it sort of makes sense, anyways, here it is.

Don’t call me cordless,
Got a rope around my neck,
Strung up between totrees,
Looking sad like a whiskered-fish,

Rocketman blast off into,
An alternate reality of sorts,
Deadman living in a simulation,
Some kind of mindless gamer,
Seeking a performance death,
GT suicide is bliss.

A mysterious visitor alone,
Like a phantom citizens drowning,
Under hazy day sunflowers
Desperately needing money-
Penny is all I found.

Under the dark willow,
Lonely roses will grow,
They’re all dead inside-
59,
Or 3 of 6
In remembrance […]

3/23/2016 55 comments

Night guys!

by Sui the Bunny 3/23/2016

written by Sui the Bunny

Night guys! Thank you all for being supportive of me. I am tired as fuck I’ve had a long day after all the events I’ve done…

Remember always embrace your inner weirdo (the weirdo inside will love you for it)

Be who you are don’t be anyone else you’ll feel much better as a person for it.

All of your support has kept me alive today which I thank you for you guys to me a superheroes to me so go on and save some more peoples lives <— hopefully that all sense

See you guys tomorrow!

-Suicide

3/23/2016 1 comment

I don’t think

by Namelessqueer 3/22/2016

written by Namelessqueer

I’m alone. If this website has taught me anything, it’s that I’m not alone. That pain, guilt, shame, anger and sorrow echo deep inside many of us at every moment of the day. That any moment can be our last or can be our turning point. I will keep struggling today because I know things always change. Often they change back and I’m left desiring the epic release of death but at least for a moment I know I might not feel that way. I’m not sure i’d say that moment is worth it but I have nothing else to look forward to.

I wish you […]

3/22/2016 1 comment

What’s wrong with my brain

by blank-clutter 3/21/2016

written by blank-clutter

There have been so many times when my brain fails me. If I try to function like a normal human being and actually make a connection with someone, my brain won’t let me. If I try to change my environment or take a step in the right direction, there is blockers again.

Idk of its anxiety or just feeling of powerlessness but I feel trapped within myself. Like there is an internal cage that has always been there in my life but it only gets stronger has it takes control over more and more of my life.

People say there is help out there but I doubt […]

3/21/2016 3 comments

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