Tag:

April

April 24th 2016

by hdd7474 5/30/2016

written by hdd7474

April 24th 2016.

The gut wrenching day that I lost my Mom. My never doubtful amazing support system. My rock. My role model growing up.

She’s gone.

I wonder how long I’m going to continue to wake up everyday hoping it was a nightmare, and didn’t really happen? Everyday that I wake up and realize that this is my new reality… I feel like I’m being told for the first time again that she’s gone. I’ve gone through a rollercoaster of intense motions the last month or so. I’ve gone from shocked, to being extremely upset, to being angry to being extremely confused.

I have a billion unanswered […]

5/30/2016 6 comments

…fuck

by hallowy 5/20/2016

written by hallowy

What the fuck is it with being like paralysed, blocked, unwilling, against doing anything that would be considered normal living thing. I don’t understand myself. I was bloody 5 months in the hospital, most of it convinced that I was gonna kill myself anyway, but now I have new hopes like continuing my studies in university and stuff. But somehow it just has to be that I can’t get myself together to do the most fucking essential things like brushing teeth. I just don’t get myself anymore. Is it really some mental illness fucking my mind up or what the hell is going on with […]

5/20/2016 5 comments

Update

by Dusty96 4/5/2016

written by Dusty96

My first post on here was in April of 2015. It is now April of 2016 and I am back on checking this website for the first time in months. I wish I could say that time healed me, but I cannot. I am doing better some days but I know that is because I rarely leave my house or my room. I turned 20 at the end of March. I needed that birthday. It was a good day. I still want to die. I still think about it regularly. I’ve been getting out of the house a little bit more now. I actually have […]

4/5/2016 0 comment

FUCK!! APRIL IS FUCKING HERE!!!

by Ylem 3/31/2016

written by Ylem

I hate April.

Someone please, beat me till I’m numb. Strangle me… Fucking shatter every bone in my body…

I can feel the pain. The memories flooding my head all at once. I overthink things but this is too much. My thoughts are racing. It feels like last year… Last year’s events are slowly playing out in my head…

I still remember what happened on each day of April. From the first till the 30th. I fucking hate this.

Someone please save me from myself!!!

3/31/2016 15 comments

It’s SOON.

by GTSuicide_6 3/28/2016

written by GTSuicide_6

I promised on killing myself on April 6th.

But now I realize I have no time.

I need to get everything organized. But I don’t wanna change the date.

ARGHHHHH.

Lord. lord lord lord.

You know what I hate? Today I am in a good mood. You know that scares me.

Because now I just think, “Wow….What if on April 6th I am in a good mood?”

I don’t have the rope ready!

Dear god its so close I don’t have time!!!!

I DON’T WANNA CHANGE THE DATE SOMEONE HELP.

3/28/2016 9 comments

36 Days

by filmg1rl 3/25/2016

written by filmg1rl

That’s what I’ve decided to give myself. I’ve got until the end of April to turn things around or I’m calling it quits.

I haven’t had any significant work in 8 months now and while I’m still waiting to hear back about a couple longer term contracts, I’m completely out of money so if I don’t get these, I can’t go on living. I can’t even just go get a regular Joe job either because of my physical disability.

So that’s it. End of this month I’m giving notice for my place and all of April is basically going to be an Everything Must Go Fire sale. […]

3/25/2016 2 comments

April 2..

by nonexistingsoul 2/10/2016

written by nonexistingsoul

Last week I thought I was starting to get better. I started to let go of my depression, trying to live normally and forgetting about everything that cause my depression. I thought I was doing well. But right now, everything… everything is starting to come back. Everything is starting to fall apart again. Everything is breaking. I’m now being consumed by my depression again and I can’t control it anymore. Maybe I can’t ever be saved from my mental illness. Maybe this is my fate. Maybe life isn’t really for me. And I’ve decided, I’m going to end this fucked up life.

2/10/2016 3 comments

My life has crashed again.

by Ed 4/18/2015

written by Ed

After a suffering childhood with to much suicide attempts and other violence in my family i at age 5 landed in shock. Child protection came in after my sisters suicide attempt but my parents kept there dirty laundry for them self they did not explain what was happening just blamed the kids. Child protection did not see i was in shock thought i was stupid and hard to handle. At age 6 they dumped me by trick in closed house of correction for the aggressive retarded children. 5 Years there with all the torture really fucked me up for life. It was not the beatings it was […]

4/18/2015 15 comments

When will it end? Withdrawing from Effexor/Venlafaxine

by MarilynM 9/8/2014

written by MarilynM

I took Venlafaxine for years and at a high daily dosage — 300 mg. I began slow withdrawal in February and quit abruptly in April. It’s 5 months later. I’m still struggling with rages and crying jags and terrible impulsiveness and paranoia and … blah, blah, blah. Also withdrawing from klonapin. I am committed to doing this. I will not continue to take these drugs which never relieved my depression nor my anxiety. Has anyone made it out the other end, clean? How long did it take? I don’t trust the medical profession any longer and don’t believe members have the answers to these questions.

9/8/2014 4 comments

Trapped.

by Shimmer 5/25/2014

written by Shimmer

This is my depression story. The following is a shortened version of my journals. I was 13 years old when I wrote them.

Journal 2013
On march 2, 2013 I decided to “get better” I don’t know hep else to put it xD
on March 3rd, 2013 I told my mum about the (kinda) cutting but not the suicidal thoughts
4th of March: “I am not happy nor sad right now, I feel almost detached from everything” “I am happy for Nicole (she was my best friend in 7-8th grade) but it feels like everyone is moving on while I’m left behind…I feel invisible, a […]

5/25/2014 1 comment

2 unrelated questions…

by whitneyirene 4/17/2014

written by whitneyirene

1. I cut, but I cut on my stomach so there is barely any chance anyone will find out. I was wondering why some people cut their arms/wrists?

2. I’ve read on here that many people have been going through depression for a long time, if not most of their lives. HOW IN THE WORLD DO YOU TAKE IT?? I lost my faith in April of last year and became depressed in July, so it’s really only been about 9 months I think? And I severely want to die. I just want to know how you’ve managed to […]

4/17/2014 7 comments

I shall not CARE

by xylem 1/29/2014

written by xylem

just a short poem I found. I can’t imagine how heart broken and sad the author must have been.

WHEN I am dead and over me bright April
Shakes out her rain-drenched hair,
Though you should lean above me broken-hearted,
I shall not care.

I shall have peace, as leafy trees are peaceful
When rain bends down the bough;
And I shall be more silent and cold-hearted
Than you are now.

1/29/2014 1 comment

What Have I Become?

by Soroxen 8/15/2013

written by Soroxen

Strength. Courage. Love. Happiness.

I thought I was strong, but these past few days have shown me otherwise.Â I’ve slowly been changing each and every day…and not for the better.

A few years ago, I used to be suicidal. I would only wake up in the mornings to think about death, cutting, and hatred. I hated the world around me and it hated me back. I had accepted that. I got no support from friends or family surrounding me so I had learned to depend on only myself. It took a few years, but I was able to get past all this. I had finally believed that I […]

8/15/2013 25 comments

Sent Spiraling

by AdrienSol 4/8/2013

written by AdrienSol

It all started on March 23, my girlfriend of 3 2/3 months broke up with me. This sent me spiraling into depression, as if to make me hurt she started dating a friend of mine two days later. My friends tried to help me but couldn’t, my mother noticed it and said nothing. A couple weeks later on April 3 my best friends broke up with each other, this sent both of them spiraling into minor depression except the boy, John, saw his ex hanging all over another guy. I confronted her and got screamed at. Accusing me of being a backstabbing a****** she declared […]

4/8/2013 2 comments

Tonight’s The Night – My Story

by Onmywayout777 2/7/2013

written by Onmywayout777

Hey everybody, I’ve been here off and on for a month or two. First off, I’ve met a lot of really good people on here. I think most of us SP users are really soft hearted and it’s easy to click with other people here. I don’t know why I’m writing this because I’ve made up my mind and I’m not looking for support or crying out for help. Hopefully someone out there that also feels like shit will read it and maybe get something out of it.

I’ve lost 3 people this year and my cat that I had for 7 years (I count that […]

2/7/2013 6 comments

Last words

by BrooklynBoxx 12/19/2012

written by BrooklynBoxx

He called my name

I walked away

Now im wishing i would have stayed

We walk around

Both looking at the ground

Scared to catch the other staring

But we both move on with out a sound

Remember the first night we kissed

I hope im not the only one who misses it..

I’m stupid for still loving you

My hopes are childish like i am

1 year younger, worlds apart

Here i sit with a broken heart

You said you wanted to ask me somthing..

Now im wondering what

But i lost my chance to hear it

By my own stubborness

Forgive me

For loving you

More then you could ever love me

Sorry […]

12/19/2012 4 comments

I told my parents to go kill themselves.

by jjgirl13 11/9/2012

written by jjgirl13

I am the world to my parents. Everything they do, they claim to do it for me. Maybe it’s an Asian thing. Maybe it’s just a devoted parents thing. I don’t know. I’ve been wanting them to come to terms with the fact that I want to kill myself since I first decided to tell them in April. I hoped that with enough communication, they would understand the amount of suffering I’ve been enduring. Of course, no, they think I need a change of scenery, a change in lifestyle, pretty much a change in everything. Think that that would solve my problems. No. They even […]

11/9/2012 25 comments

Haven’t posted on here since April.Daniel Bryan Impersonator.Teenqirl18.

by lifeishorrible 9/15/2012

written by lifeishorrible

No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No!

If you were to ask me would I want to live If I knew I would fulfill my dream do you know what I would say?I quess you can quess,NO!!!

SP sucks without my SP buddy Distantroad!So It’s almost been a year since I’ve been on this site.I made a really qood friend on here.That person Is Teenqirl18.(Teenqirl I’m sorry for puttinq our stuff out there).We started talkinq In March.We […]

9/15/2012 5 comments

since i’m awake and thinking about it

by sabrina_96 7/26/2012

written by sabrina_96

My big brother is one of my “newest friends” we never really got along but last fall it all changed. My mom knew i would always cut, then one day she told my brother about the marks on my arms(there pretty big, i like to burn the skin and cut it out) when my mom told me i didnt know what to think, i wrote a long note of how i would stay up at night to see him and make sure he got home safely, he always got in trouble with […]

7/26/2012 4 comments

She told me I’m strong, for never letting go of my smile.

by mysmilecoversalot :) 4/6/2012

written by mysmilecoversalot :)

I really feel like I don’t belong here. For awhile, I thought I was holding on for a purpose, but now I just feel like it is my time to go. I can’t hurt everyone who loves me. I promised myself I wouldn’t do that to them, they don’t deserve it. I was getting counseling, but I hated every second of it… I thought it would be hard to convince my therapist I was okay again, but it wasn’t… at all. The lies came so quickly, I know the perfect things to say. She believed me, every expression she gave was of utter joy. She […]

4/6/2012 6 comments

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