we guys deserve a much better life .. and we should get it ,, we need to help and to be helped .. we need to rise and will rise .. we need ourlives back and we will take it and pass it to each other .. we will never come down .. we are the uncoming down .. we are the strongest with our hearts .. we are the uncoming down … we are who we are … i pass this for each one of you .. wishing it will help you in time that nothing is helping me .. god bless you […]
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I could say that im stuck between moving back home and stay here and going to a shelter but im not. I don’t want to run back home after you hurt me for the millionth time…again i believed your lies at first. Then i knew they where lies but hoped maybe its not a lie this time. You say we can work it out but you cause me pain.. I dont hurt you.. If we switched roles.. If i lied throughout our whole relationship..maybe you would understand. Being with you adding more things to the list that triggers my ptsd. I hate myself for loving […]
the date has passed
The date I set to die
Reallized I wasn’t ready
Hadn’t gotten my things in order
My room wasn’t cleaned
My suicide notes not perfected
And now I’m sitting here
Wondering if I should do it at all
Should I really give up on life?
Only I can answer that
I don’t want to continue on like this
And I’m too afraid to change
Scared I’ll end up back here like every other time
Scared that they’re right
I can’t do it
I’m too scared to make a move either way
Too scared to change
To scared to end it
I’m lost
I don’t know what to do
I keep waiting for an answer to present itself
But I know the answer […]
Waste of space. How I wish I could end my life but I am too big of a wimp. Vent
by lilsmore
written by lilsmore
Hello.
This may be long or short. I don’t know yet…and I apologize for my grammar ahead of time. I do have two college degrees but they aren’t doing me any good so no reason to try and type correctly, eh?
I have some vague memory of creating an account here at some point and I may have posted something. I was obviously drunk when I did. I have read a lot here and it has been quite awhile since I have visited. I was very serious about suicide last year and even made a few lame attempts…and nothing that got me landed in a psychiatric ward.
I […]
A/N: I’m sugar coating this because some points I refuse to go back too.
I was brought into this world, unwilling, unwanted. I have always been told my birth wasn’t planned. I was born with multiple issues with my lungs and heart, and I go to hospital at least twice a year. Since I was little I have had to look after myself and was punished if I didn’t meet my mothers standards “Perfection” everything must be. I was always left home with my drug afflicted father, mother was always “working” my family sees me as a trophy to show off to people and neglect when […]
Hello all. 🙂
I tried to keep this short – and failed. I just needed to rant. Not about anything in particular. I seriously need some sleep, so please forgive any bad writing.
Today I used my wheelchair for the first time. It’s on loan for six weeks. Who knows, maybe in that time I’ll get outside more and it’ll help me start to feel less depressed. I’ve been so much worse lately, and I think spending more time in the house and with relatively little natural light has caused a lot of that.
This evening I went to a local light-themed festival. People make installations, play music […]
I knew it, you knew it, we all knew it. He got his life back together, so I’m not fucking important anymore. All I get is “I’m busy don’t text me”. No, of course there’s no room for me in his world. I’m not fucking needed anymore and I’m sure as fuck not wanted!!!!
So I’m considering going back into therapy, but am anxious about contacting anyone, and want to make things as clear as possible starting out, before I get caught up in my normal habit of trying to hide how pathetic I really am.
I was thinking something along the lines of:
Hi there,
I’m considering returning to therapy/counselling after several years. I consistently find myself feeling that my life has no value, and waste most of my time and energy in a cycle of questioning these feelings. Although I’m not actively suicidal or impulsive, this cycle causes me considerable distress and greatly inhibits my functioning.
I’m not sure it’s necessarily that I […]
Yesterday I was feeling really depressed. I just get out of bed to take the dog out and I went to a dinner with my classmates. Of course I get drunk. But instead of being happy and a silly drunk this time I started crying. I ruined the my friends’ dinner and I cried all night. They tried to comfort me but I was so embarrassed I just wanted to disappear. They are really good friends but I don’t deserve them. I left the restaurant without mobile phone and no money and went for a walk alone. Meanwhile I get lost in the city, but […]
I haven’t been on this site for two and a half years and yet here I am back again. Folks around me say it’s a testament to my strength that I’ve made it this far, but I say it’s a wonderful combination of cowardice and my old friend Jack. I don’t really know what I wanted to say here but I just needed to say something somewhere to someone. A lot of the time it’s the silence that gets to me, albeit I bring that silence upon myself. Nobody to talk to about this stuff, nobody that really honestly wants to hear what I think. […]
Sometimes it is hard to let go. I was in this dumb relationship once. I loved him so much that i could let go everything for him. We were doing great and people thought we looked cute together (now the idea of us being cute together sucks). This was that kind of relationship where there was no fighting but love was directly proportional to the passing days. But destiny is one big mother fucker! Very soon we weren’t doing great. He stopped talking to me and after a while even i did and very soon under some stupid circumstances we broke up (an initiative taken […]
So I’m 64 now and my whole life has gone by and I’ve got nothing to show. I’m still living in my parents house. I never left. I can’t afford my own apartment because I don’t have a job. I haven’t worked in over 27 years. I still havn’t had a single boyfriend at my age. I just live in my own little bubble. Get up, watch some YouTube. Go back to sleep is my routine. I am a fat slob because I have no motivation to get out of the house.
Okay so I’m not 64 yet but this is practically my life as it […]
Fuck my life….
I know it sounds very cliche. I know everyone says it all the time.
I super hate myself right now.
I can’t believe that depression is ruling over me.
I feel like my conscience is trapped somewhere in my mind.
Illogical feeling rules my body.
I used to think that I can overcome any obstacles. Little did I know, I was super naive. When my freedom has been taken away from me, I broke….
like a fragile glass being smashed to pieces.
My dad passed away in March. He left so many unfinished business and also a huge sum of debts. I was […]
I can’t handle or control my emotions. My emotions fluctuate and change on a dime. Sometimes it’s stays that way for several hours or days, and other times it’s minute by minute.
I’ve been feeling really suicidal lately, and I’ve almost broke down several times at work. And as a guy, the thought of showing my emotions (crying etc) in front of other men is never a good thing. So I constantly have to regain my composure. I go from wanting to just cry, to being angry, to being filled with rage. And when I’m filled with rage, it’s explosive anger. I cussed out a man […]
I hate my relationship I guess. I would not call it that. but being around him makes me hate my life. he wont leave. He lives with me because other wise he would be homeless. I cannot get a piece of mind. When I was homeless I still had to support him even though he was an ungrateful ass. I just want him gone I do not know what to do I feel like an emptied out shell. I want to die. I feel trapped in my own home. I have four jobs just so I do not have to be here with him. I […]
I’m Sorry
I just want to start this off, by saying I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you in the past, and for all the terrible things I’ve done to you. I can understand if you hate me. It’d be a lie for me to say that I’d be okay with that, or able to accept it, but when I say I’d understand I mean it. I’m sorry for having feelings for you this summer, and complicating things between you and C, I’m sorry for kissing you, I’m sorry for being overly dependent on you, I’m sorry for trying to kiss you […]
I went out on a first date tonight. Which means I left my bed for the first time in a week. I’m not wanting a relationship and even though the guy and I are total opposites it was nice to get out of the house and have some fun. That’s a huge step for me. I seriously haven’t put on real clothes in months and rarely leave my house. Thank god for Chinese delivery. I feel weird coming home because while I did have fun all I wanted was to be back home in my bed with the iPad. It’s my safe place and no […]
My whole life I have been used and abandoned by men. After my last heartbreak I pretty much broke. I have been overweight most my life but once lost 100lbs. While I don’t have that much to lose again I think I’m going to use my anger and frustration and put it back into working out.
I am going to concentrate on me and my health for awhile. I want to get fit again and then instead of a relationship I’m thinking of escorting. (Not prostitution). I just need something to shoot for a goal. I can’t “use” people without their knowledge so this is as […]
Well, hello everyone..
I haven’t written on a site like this before but tonight I needed to tell someone, anyone before I explode. Just as an over view I’m an 18 year old in the grey as hell country of England on the south coast somewhere..
I have always been treated for one kind of mental health issue or another. My mom had me put through Dragonflies which is a kind of bereavement councillor when I was in year six so around 10 / 11 years old, I think she was hoping I was just sad when my grandad passed. Don’t get me wrong I was but […]
Hi fellow members,
I’ve been depressed for a couple of years now and never taken any action. Because I always thought I’ll handle it and it will pass over.
Last weekend I had a total breakdown and did things I totally regret. I have decided to seek help locally, I have been given numbers of a couple of counselors. At the moment I’m abroad for work purposes and will be for the next two and a half months. My question is should I find help here and call the counselors or wait till I’m back home and then get myself sorted out?
Thanks,