Hello. It has been sometime. I’ve been busy. I’ve actually felt not terrible. Not good, but not terrible. Yesterday I went to a beach clean up. A lot of people were there. Made me realize how difficult it is for me to be around other people. I hardly spoke, and could never look anyone in the eye. It’s pretty difficult. Lots of girls there. It was the beach so they wore skimpy tops and short shorts. Didn’t know what to do. Tried to stay as far as possible. When I was alone, it actually felt nice. Alone with my thoughts. It is actually starting to […]
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Hello SP: I am having a really difficult day and need help/encouragement. My body hurts so much today. Just can hardly move. I am so tired of being tired all the time. I’m tired of not getting restful sleep no matter how long i stay in bed. I am tired of not being able to type because my hands hurt so much (I am dictating this.)
I am so tired of it hurting to cook and clean and do laundry and even work in my garden.
I have so much to do this weekend and I am so overwhelmed and so tired.
I really need help tonight. Thank […]
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First of all, I wanted to thank you for the awesome and kind advice I got from you, especially my gratitude goes to Suicidal Angel, because the advice I got from this person truly helped me. Thanks to her I was able to stay clean for 2 months and 2 days! It was a really huge achievement for me, and I couldn’t have done it without her advice I guess, so if you’re reading this (even though I doubt it) a huge thanks to you again! I’m not really able to express my gratitude to you and the other nice pieces of advice from some […]
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Despite already having a post typed out for today, I’ve decided to change it and write this instead. Because I just realised several minutes ago just how little my mum cares.
I’ve been an emotional mess all day for no apparent reason, so I refused to step foot outside my room until 3 in the afternoon. Before that, no one bothered to come into my room to check on me. But we’re ignoring all that as I’m fast forwarding to not too long ago.
Recently, there has been a girl coming in my room at night. Her name is Bree, and she’s around my age. Every night […]
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I have an offical place to live, I should be moving in soon. I’m staying the night here tonight to help clean for easter tomorrow. My best friend of 22 years bought a house with her boyfriend and they are letting me move in.
I just got done with a sinkful of dishes. There’s laundry on the bathroom floor. There’s laundry in the dryer waiting for me. There’s some clutter in every room. My problem is I’m so easily distracted it takes me forever to get anything done…gotta pick out music, find just the right song, oh, it’s raining outside? Gotta find a different song. That counters a little dirty, hmm what’s going on at SP. Yeah. So this is just me getting all the noise out of my head.
I’m making TACOS for dinner. Over here we like to use this fajita steak in place of ground beef. It’s […]
I never thought I’d feel sick to my stomach with anger and dread, not wanting to go in to work. This has been the first full year that I’ve worked through a job, so I’ve never experienced anything like this before. And it’s the same thing I’ve heard my mom complain about why she absolutely loathes working. It’s because there’s always got to be some insufferable ***** there who makes everyone miserable!
So here’s what happened. The boss has been gone over a month now because she’s moving to another state. She’s supposed to be back at some point to tie up loose ends before she’s […]
hi, my name is Julianna and this is my story.
I’ve been bullied like crazy since I’ve moved to Alaska. I’ve made some bad decisions and I regret them very much. Boys here like to take advantage of me. I always saw the good in them. They ask me to be their girlfriend. After a few days in the middle of the night they ask me to send them nude pictures of myself. They tell me they love me and that this is what people that trust and love each other do. I sent them. Recently a boy I’ve like for many months did this to […]
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I don’t want to build a spaceship that travels at the speed of light or create replacement organs. I don’t want to figure out a clean abundant power source or a better way to grow produce either. I don’t want to do any of that nor do I want to participate in this stupid Capitalist system. I really don’t want to explain how socialism is not the same thing as communism and why a socialist president would benefit a semi-Capitalist America.
I don’t even care about the fact I was a guinea pig for now-commonly-used prenatal devices in Cali or the fact I helped preserve my […]
First off, I refer to counselors and “Rent-A-Friends”. Someone you pay to pretend to give a shit about you for an hour a week.
The first time I went I was 17, they flat out told me on the 1st visit I was too fucked up for their credentials. This was followed by various suicide attempts. All of which, I feel I sabotaged myself by making reach outs, or just poor planning, or pure coincidence such as a time I OD’d.
Most of my teens and adult life were plagued with severe drug and alcohol abuse.
At the time of meeting my wife, I […]
Its been awhile probably because I’ve been happy and getting good help. But now some bad decisions on my part has triggered my depression bad. I’m trying not to think suicidal but i am going to cut so I won’t. I was 2 months clean. I hate my life.
It’s just passed noon here and I’m already drunk. I need to write because I’m struggling alone here. I quit all my psych meds and I’m going through some bad shit. I have to stay strong though. Being on meds made me fat and stupid and lazy. I’m tired of living in a fog. I recently read Anatomy of an Epidemic and it’s about how mental illness has gone out of control since the advent of modern psychotropic medication. Big pharmacy companies are full of shit and for most people these drugs do much more harm than good. I recommend anyone suffering on meds read […]
i have so much to be grateful for, but i’m extremely depressed.
i have a great good okay life, i have food to eat, clean water, a roof over my head, clothes to wear, and money to spend.
i am just incredibly lonely.
every time i try to reach out, i get rejected, bitten, cast aside. in private and in public.
no one ever contacts me, unless they want/need something from me. i haven’t spoken a single word to a single person since i left work on thursday night.
according to the world, i have no feelings, no emotions, and deserve not one ounce of care from anyone other than myself.
if […]
So, im new here. Ive had manic depression since i was a child. But in the last few months ive been on a terrible low. I was thrown out of my house, due to an argument with a roomate that escalated to blows, they had a kid, they got to stay. So now im living in my parents basment, i lost my job when i lost my place. Realy the only thing keeping me sane at the moment are the chemicle kisses (drugs) and my childhood friend… But now he is trying to get clean… And i support his decision, drugs are bad…. Mkay? But […]
My escape has always been, and always will be, reading. I’d spend days reading book after book in series before moving onto the next series that caught my interest. Harry Potter, 13 to Life, Shiver, Hush Hush, Fallen, etc. I’d lose myself into the fantasy, just for a little while, and it would ease my pain. It’d make me forget I was sad, if only for a little while.
Now that I’m in college, I don’t have much time for escaping. Not with the work loaded down on me. 5 hours of homework from Accounting 1100 (per day,) at least 4 hours for English, Psychology, and […]
Yes. Today will go down as one of the shittiest days I’ve ever had to go through. Never has my depression been so crippling. I feel physically ill. Like I want to throw up. I have one hell of a headache. I can barely get out of bed. My muscles are weak. I am shaking.
Maybe it’s partly because I haven’t been sleeping lately. But, I’m terrified of sleeping. I’m tired of the nightmares.
I am so passively suicidal today, it’s a good thing I have no strength to do anything… But type, I guess. Letting it out this way helps.
I just cut. After a month or […]
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