what my math teacher wrote on my math test, which I got back today with about a 70%. a couple days ago I got a 52% on an english quiz I didn’t know we were having for the reading I forgot was assigned. he’s right, of course, because I usually pay attention pretty well no matter how wrecked my mental state is. he is right because I can do so much better. I have had straight A’s all year, but this term I’m just hoping against hope to pass. it’s not even that I am doing that much worse than I have been, it’s just that […]
Tag:
damage
I need help to shut off every emotion In my body so I can be manipulated and feel nothing so I can go on with life with brain damage and not care I hope I die some one kill .
I want to bleed I want to becomw a pcyco path .
It’s by one of my favourite internet writers, he always has a good way of knowing the underlying meaning in things:
http://www.cracked.com/blog/7-ways-you-can-accidentally-become-social-outcast/
For those who don’t want to read it, it’s about how today’s social dynamics abuse and imprison the arbitrarily selected bottom few. It’s mainly about the time of adolescents but I think it explains all stages of life. Because of the way the world works, it needs an amount of people in the bottom for it to function and it doesn’t care how much mental damage this causes those unfortunate enough to be caught in the “shit pit”. It’s one of those harsh reality articles […]
Wow. I realize I only have a week before ya know, but I can’t stop feeling like I have things to do beforehand. I just don’t know if I can go another 6 years looking for someone who can just listen without flipping out and trying too hard to help. But I feel I’ve done too much damage to good people’s lives to stall. Like, for the love of bacon, why me? I used to be innocent and happy, and now I ain’t worth the dirt under my shoe. I guess not all dreams come true.
Theres so much I feel like saying today, but then I try and there’s nothing. I go blank. Been feeling like this most of the day, my vision has been all jumpy and strange, & there is no cohesion to my thoughts.
Kinda feel like staying on this train forever ( Im on my way home from work), and dissapearing and starting all over again. Or just dissapearing. I feel like ive past my used by date sometimes. Like I somehow missed my date with the grim reaper. Probably slept thru it, knowing myself. Hiding under the doona and he couldnt find me.
To do list:
Write a book.
Buy a new package of blades.
Consider seeing a therapist.
Buy vitiams
Go insane.
The blade is finally too dull to do damage. No matter how much you press it does little damage. And I don’t want to get stitches, so best not to press full force. I can’t wait to be re-united with a fresh blade.
(“The kit”
Open Pandoras box
I dare you
Tripple dog dare
I’m laughing
Clueles
Even you
Maybe I’ll turn blue
Screaming thank you
Pathetic
That’s what they are
Trying to save you
When they have […]
Do I deserve this terror-ible life?
Not just terrible, terror-ible.
I feel like I deserve more than what I am today.
Here are a few key factors to me, my personality, my life.
1. I took many online tests, all of them says I am a good person.
2. I almost never lie, and I’m also not lying when I say this.
3. I only cheated in school tests 2 times. And I regret.
4. I am 9.
5. I think I am gifted: I can do the rotate leg clockwise and write 6 with index finger in the air thing and not change direction, I’m one of the few people who can […]
I really like these two songs right now I can relate to them so much in my dark hours
bring me to the horizon – drown
Who will fix me now? Dive in when I’m down?
Save me from myself, don’t let me drown.
Who will make me fight? Drag me out alive?
Save me from myself, don’t let me drown
linkin park – faint
I can’t feel the way I did before
Don’t turn your back on me
I won’t be ignored
Time won’t heal this damage anymore
Don’t turn your back on me
I won’t be ignored
I’ve been finally realizing how old they are becoming. Their health and minds are slowly depleating. I remember growing up with them. Spending time with them. Helping them so much. Today everyone was in a hurry to see a movie and rushing them. They both dont walk fast anymore. And Grandpa has nerve damage in his right arm. So he is unable to move it. No one asked if they needed help, just rushing them. They get so confused easily on top of that. Me on the other hand I waited for them. I stood by them as they got ready to get up and […]
The past so many regrets so many mistakes not even from me but from her so what my soul mate came back for me so much damage has been done and she has put herself in a complicated situation she can’t back out of her future will be complicated for so long even though she wants to share it with me now sge cant it was suppose to be our future the perfect future not this soon I’ll speak to a recruiter I still can’t have the perfect dream life might as well have the perfect dream death
I know someone on here had a post similar to this but after you’ve had trauma attempted suicide are depressed anxious self harm have suicidal thoughts etc can you really come back from all that ? being the happy out going person u once was ? Or are u pass the point of no return the damage is already done kind of thing game over
how many people have actually won the battle to live a so called normal life?
and how many people have commit suicide what’s the odds I say suicide wins by far what’s everyone view on the subject ?
I haven’t really planned much I’d like to do in my final days or weeks. I see others like to treat themselves to an expensive meal, or visit somewhere special before they go. Me, I just don’t want to give my children’s father the chance to continue poisoning their minds against me for the rest of time. So maybe writing something for both of them to read when they’re older…. I don’t know. It all seems like so much effort. I’m beyond exhausted, every day is damage control. What about you? Have you thought of some things you’d like to do before it’s your time […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Today it is very windy.
Strong winds give me panic attacks, and here’s why:
About 15 years ago a windstorm destroyed my home in the middle of the night. It ripped off the roof while I was in bed sleeping. I heard this horrible loud ripping sound, and I rolled over in bed, still in sleepy confusion.
Instead of my ceiling above me, I saw stars.
The wind had this constant ROAR, and it just wasn’t stopping.
I couldn’t turn on the lights, because the windstorm had knocked out the power earlier that evening.
So there I was, in total darkness, trapped in a windstorm, in a home with no roof.
I […]
everday i wish i was dead. my self image or self perception has gotten worse. everytime i look in the mirror, I realize why no one likes me. I try to avoid looking in mirrors or my reflections or pictures..etc just so i can get through the day specially on school days. this past month the feeling has gotten worse, and it feels like every day is a challenge, and idk what to do anymore i just want to give up so bad. my uncle just died, my mother struggles to pay for the funeral, and she’s been so depressed lately, 2 funerals would damage […]
I am theloser102. The one and only loser in my sovereign city.
On November 21st, 2015 at 11:00 PM at night, I decided it would the perfect time for me to finally find peace. I went to the area with lots of trees near my house and used a rope I bought. For the sake of following the rules, I’ll leave it at that. The aftermath however……
My suicide did not work, even after three tries. The only damage that was done was a few rope burns on my neck and a little bleeding, I couldn’t believe it. I ensured everything was well tight and was highly […]
I’ve made a post a few days ago about my problem. I don’t know if it’s possible to view someone’s posts, but you are free to see my previous post if it’s possible if you want to know what my problem is. It’s loneliness, in a nutshell. A lot of the replies were indeed encouraging, especially those from people who could relate. My problem is that I’ve never even had a chance to be with a girl. I’m extremely shy and it took me 21 years to be able to just talk to girls, and now I lack the experience necessary to find a girlfriend, that’s […]
Sitting at work and having it hit me, how can I be so disgusting, so gross, so untouchable? Just thinking of things I can’t really get in to here, but of course it concerns the guy I love. Why’d he ask me long ago if I could be friends with benefits if the thought of the slightest touch of me is so gross and disgusting? And why in the hell do I have to be the ugliest person in the world? Why couldn’t it be someone else?!! What the fuck did I do to deserve being so fucking gross and ugly?!?
But also, I think I […]
My father keeps a revolver in his top dresser drawer along with bullets for it. It’s a .357 magnum and I don’t if this is a high enough caliber to kill me if I shoot myself with it. I know sometimes with lower caliber guns they don’t kill you, or they take some time to kill you. I don’t want to fuck it up and end up with brain damage or be paralyzed forever or something like that. So I was wondering if this is a high enough caliber gun to kill me?
I’m about 13 hours too late when i read a farewell post by Wndozh8r. Very upsetting to see him go but i understand both sides.
SP, i just wish you would rethink this rule. People contemplating suicide will either do it or not. It’s just a matter of time for me. If it weren’t for Wndozh8r there would’ve been good chance that i would suffer a very painful attempt and survive. My family, friends and colleagues would find out my dark secret. I could even be locked up in a pysch ward. My survival would be a bigger nightmare than this current one I’m living.
Even though […]
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