Tag:

Flashbacks

internal dialogue

by system 2/26/2021

written by system

I can’t take it
i can’t I can’t i can’t
get out of my head
get out of my head
get OUT OF MY HEAD

I hate him
why did he do this to me?? why did he make me do all those things?? i want to tear my flesh open my skin is fucikgin crawling
I HATE YOU ****** you took EVERYTHING FROM ME

YOU TURNED MY 8 YEARS OF ABUSE INTO 9. THIS BODY IS NO LONGER MINE, YOUR NAME IS ENGRAVED IN IT.

im at my fucking breaking point. i’m VERY close to making an extremely irreversible impulsive decision. would that make you happy, ******???? […]

2/26/2021 4 comments

the sunrise

by plasticflower 6/4/2017

written by plasticflower

i’m about to post things that have been going through my head for more than 10 years, but i’ve never shared with anyone. now, why am i saying it here? because no one can know. and here, everyone knows yet they don’t know; and i just need to get this things out, because i feel like it’ll maybe help somehow. last night i couldn’t sleep, and so i was sitting on the couch, watching the sunrise, when thoughts that haunt me decided to keep me company. this time, however, i wrote everything down. keep in mind i didn’t check what i wrote and don’t plan […]

6/4/2017 4 comments

I am sick of the pain

by wallawalla 8/23/2013

written by wallawalla

And by pain, I mean physical pain.Â I am sick of hurting all the time.Â I am sick of not sleeping at night because I get these long, miserable headaches, and the treatment(s) are typically stimulants.Â I feel nauseous and depressed and I just want to die.

I have PTSD from being ill.Â I get flashbacks of when I was sickest.Â I was lying spread-eagled on the floor, unable to move.Â I could barely breathe.Â I just lay there and stared at the ceiling, I don’t know for how long.Â I remember crawling from my mattress to the kitchen to open a can of beans.Â It […]

8/23/2013 4 comments

They underestimate me…

by Engeltje 8/18/2013

written by Engeltje

I few days ago I had a meeting with my doctor an psychiatrist, and my doctor was like: “Oh, and ofcourse next week thursday is your leaving date.” Just in middle of the conversation, and I was like: “What??!! O.o” because it wasn’t the plan, we would discuss about what next, staying longer in the psychiatric hospital or getting therapy, on next week tuesday, and he already made a discision, which he would not change clearly. They had the plan to send me home with no therapy, while I still need help, and I wrote a poem about it, because I waa really confused […]

8/18/2013 7 comments

More pieces to my story ..

by angeleyez 7/31/2013

written by angeleyez

This is my story from the startÂ http://suicideproject.org/2013/07/my-story-161/Â please reaad that first before continuing down so you will understand the bits that i’ve missed out.

So you have read the beginnings and the main depth of what happened in my child/teen life. Heres some that i have missed out like my eating disorder , suicide attempt and the visions and self harm.

Im going to start off with the visions i get when i have anxiety attacks or panic attacks i haven’t told anyone what i hear, see or feeling during these episodes. Not even my psychiatrist. Well i get flash backs of the that night i got […]

7/31/2013 1 comment

“I’ll Kill You”

by BrooklynBoxx 1/26/2013

written by BrooklynBoxx

The pain hurts so bad, my body feels like someones chrushing it, and i can barley breath. Once again im alone, depressed, and with many sharp objects all i have to choose. But i sit on my bed staring at the clock whispering one more minute as his voice screams in my head “it’s our secret”…..”you better keep it”

“Or i’ll kill you” i wanna scream fun back to my friends, but i’ve gone home for that night and again im alone, the pain is just to much as flashbacks push there way into my head. My heads throbbing and im shaking, it feels like someones […]

1/26/2013 3 comments

I don’t know if I can do this any longer.

by Stefano7 11/16/2012

written by Stefano7

Every day feels like a living nightmare. I am asleep all day with nightmares of my abuse and losing the only things left that I care about. I have no energy all day. I’m awake all night and all I do is write but now I’m losing that too. It physically hurts to move and breathe. I don’t want to be here anymore. I just want to disappear. I’m sick of the flashbacks, and the yelling, and being sick with mental illness. I’m sick of everything and I don’t want to do this anymore.

11/16/2012 3 comments

Haunted by my past..

by marchingkitty 11/6/2012

written by marchingkitty

So as i was taking a shower, i just randomly began to think of how i had no childhood.. how i was a depressed and suicidal child, how i can hardly remember all the fun times i had but can vividly remember the days and nights i spent crying in my room feeling isolated and alone. As if no one could save me. I had flashbacks of getting bullied, of all the shit i had to put up with. And after the flashbacks, i felt nothing. I thought nothing. I could only stare at the wall with wide eyes. My body was cold, i had […]

11/6/2012 5 comments

Life is a lode of BULLSHIT

by Henrietta123 11/5/2012

written by Henrietta123

I don’t get it

I don’t get why were expected to LIVE in a society where it’s so hard TOO live. What has past generations done to us, done to the country, done to the world.

WE ARE ANIMALS, nothing more, nothing less.

Why are there rules to live, laws, what gives us the right to wipe out other species of animal, what gives us the right to burn down natural landscapes. We are animals, we are agressive, we DO have hunting instincts, whats the point in money and destroying the plannet. I’m ashamed to be human.

Why do we have to put up with so much shit in […]

11/5/2012 2 comments

I’m just going to write…

by JustIt 9/5/2012

written by JustIt

I’m just going to write and I’m not going to bother writing well. I know I will die of suicide, I just know it, since i was 12 i had a bet on with myself that i wouldn’t make it past nineteen, so just two years to go and it should be over. I’m not even going to bother going through all the shit I have been through, starting when i was four years old, and yet i tell people it all the time for the joy of seeing their faces. I’ve been raped and abused both sexually and emotionally (suprisingly the emotional abuse is […]

9/5/2012 4 comments

Break down

by Crazypandachick 8/24/2012

written by Crazypandachick

Today I went to school as normal, but instead of going to psychology, I had to go to do a chemistry prac I missed out on earlier in the week (worth 25% of my grade). Everything was fine until the teacher (not my usual one) started screaming at everyone. For the first time (in a school environment) my PSTD started to kick in and I started getting flashbacks of when my ex would scream at me before hitting me. I started having an anxiety attack, and before I knew it, everything was blurry and I was on the floor nearly crying. The teacher and assistant […]

8/24/2012 0 comment

Is there any way to stop/reduce flashbacks?

by Crazypandachick 8/17/2012

written by Crazypandachick

The title really says it all. I’m having a lot of flashbacks from different difficults parts of my life and I just want them to stop or at least reduce. So does anyone have any hints or tricks on how to stop/reduce them?

CPC

8/17/2012 62 comments

Anxious but Tired

by SomeMalaise 8/5/2012

written by SomeMalaise

Did some chores earlier and I’m drained. Windex, Pine Sol, Soap and Pledge all help make cleaning possible. Also make the lungs burn with a mask on to boot. I’m feeling tired and a tad weak. The kind of tired that you’re unable to sleep. Add onto that some anxiety. This brain takes a lot to quiet it down and the solution is to overwork till I can no longer hold a lot of weight. Till my heart pounds like I’ve done a dash. Till my hips feel like water. Thankfully I didn’t do that kind of work. The kind that aggravates the hips. But […]

8/5/2012 0 comment

like it fucking matters.

by jessfuck 8/2/2012

written by jessfuck

Can’t stand it anymore. I’m so socially excluded no work no study no activities no friends no nothing. I sit here all day everyday get excited my mental health people are gonna help me and they cancel..week after week. Spend all day trying to find something i can do but this feeling is pretty debilitating. Cant tell them they’ll shove me back in hospital i still have flashbacks from that place. Nothing feels normal anymore maybe i’m already dead i’m something and i dont think it’s ever going until i do. fuck this.

8/2/2012 0 comment

Facing the dark

by llmorrow75 7/5/2012

written by llmorrow75

It’s been so bad all day today, and now it’s nearly time to face the dark. Alone. My thoughts have been running marathons all day, and I see no sign of the excruciating turmoil inside of me letting up.

Once again, the horrible days where I am so physically sick from this, I can’t move, and so emotionally fucked I start losing track of which thoughts are rational and which are not, are the days when I have no one. The times where I am paralyzed with fear and flashbacks and lonliness… they are the nights that I suffer alone.

I guess I do have one small […]

7/5/2012 4 comments

How do I stop the thoughts?

by jamiewonderer 7/5/2012

written by jamiewonderer

I have batteled depression since I was a teen, I am 31 now.Â I just started really getting treatment and tring to stick with it over the past year or two.Â I have a wonderful truley caring psychiatrist and am on a number of meds as she tries to find something that works.Â Â In the mean time suciadal thoughts and idealations are a part of everyday life, I just want to be shut out and isolated from everyone so far that my mind keeps putting thoughts into my heads as to ways to kill myself.Â And I have tried, twice as a teen and twice […]

7/5/2012 4 comments

The girl…. Help..

by SaaJane 6/16/2012

written by SaaJane

Everyone says I am not crazy. I don’t think I am but I do. Something isnt right with me. I have been through alot. No one will ever understand the pain I have been through. I got through depression, and suicide. Now I feel like it’s happening again. Like everything is going wrong. Like life isnt real and that I am not a real person. I think I am crazy. I keep having these flashbacks from when I was little. About this girl.. Everynight I saw her in the corner above my door. Not a normal girl. A weird girl. She had black hair and […]

6/16/2012 1 comment

At a Crossroads: Relationships

by Zeddex 6/11/2012

written by Zeddex

“My name is unimportant. I am neither male, nor female. My age has no relevance to my grief.Â Consider me a faceless representation of depression. An anonymous death seeker. A hopeless nobody.”

I’ve met someone. At this point in time I can’t decide whether it’s a blessing or a curse, a cure to my life-long battle with depression, or a catalyst. This someone is special. The way I feel when I’m with them is astonishing. I feel happy, and content with myself. I feel at ease. At peace. And when I am with them it feels like my troubles have slipped through my […]

6/11/2012 1 comment

Confused and scared…

by TearDropFantasy 5/19/2012

written by TearDropFantasy

I broke the promise I made to them, the promise not to cut. I told them and they got mad. I said I had been depressed, I tried explaining the reason…I don’t think they meant to be mad but then I did break the promise.

I told my friend and she then told the guy that I really love what I had done. I had trusted her and she went behind my back. I got a message from him..it said

“—– told me what you done wtf you were happy today i am so disappointed in you.”

Did he really believe I was happy? Did he not see […]

5/19/2012 3 comments

digging the tunnel

by Zuckerguss 5/15/2012

written by Zuckerguss

My usage of psychedelics, especially mushrooms is letting me slowly exit my chemical lobotomy and into a state of awareness and ability to have common sense, energy, endurance, drive, determination, willpower, intuition and able to reason, be assertive. Now that my level of consciousness is higher than it has been in the past several years flashbacks are getting more intense and distressing. I’m starting to realize how braindead and blind I really was in the past and I can’t describe what it’s like to be aware of this other than downright disturbing.

5/15/2012 0 comment

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