the days are going by so quickly.Soon my sister will be going away and all i can do is try to leave her before she leaves me.Honestly its not fair.My sister doesnt even say she loves me sometimes she treats me terribly and yet i cant live without her cause ill be alone.I have other family but theyll leave to.they always say they will.i dont want to be alone.
Theres more two days ago i realized i was evil.The voices told me when i was fourteen i was now i realize that to be true.if i dont die someone will be hurt.I dont want to […]
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Mylife was happy b4 i came with him, all he ever do is beat and calls me stink names, and hes family wishes i was dead. It looks like he never wants to be with me. I feel aline and abondon, like i dont belong in this world. I took sleeping pills so i wouldnt feel the pain. 25 pills and it didnt work. My child does see me crying and tells me not to cry that i will be happy one day, and shes only 3.
April 4th, 2008 I met the boy who i knew would be the one i want to marry.
It was the Spring Fling dance at Live Oak Park in Temple City, CA. It was filled with 6th, 7th and 8th graders. I was in 7th grade and one of my good friends and I wanted to see who could dance with the most guys that night. So i went around and started shaking my butt for 3 seconds on random boys. At the end of the night, i was talking to a boy who i thought was cute till i found out he was in 6th […]
Its been a while since ive been on here. I was feeling more positive for a while then it all went to shit. There is something really wrong with me. I subatage my life on purpose. Maybe im looking for rock bottom. Since the last time i posted i took a little trip back to jail. My dad likes to call it summer camp in polite conversation. Lol. I was fighting a serious charge for class x home invasion in illinois which gives you 6-30 years in jail. Last time i couldn’t tell the truth. Not when what i wanted to say could have been […]
Today I tried taking my life, i left home after greeting my wife and kids, having them believe that i was off to work. Instead i had planned to go to the river pop as many pills as possible and pass out. I threw up everything. Not deterred, i pulled out a knife and started cutting at myself, the blade was too dull, now imagine the feeling of being cut without actually bleeding, hurts like a ************. Still undeterred, i went home, locked myself away in a room and proceeded to beat the living hell out of myself…(picture fight club). I passed out, and when […]
My life and mindset changed irrevocably 29 months ago. i don’t really remember how!
i don’t write diary so idk, and don’t really remember anything before these two and half years.
i just remember that i was okay, maybe “happy”, just another one. anyways.
jan 2014, i decided that i can’t enter my high school finals exams cause i was afraid of not doing good and can’t go to the college that i always wanted. somehow my i drifted apart from my best “friends” and locked myself in my room for the rest of the year, about 6 months in my room alone.
my parents work all the time, […]
Ah, i never thought i would post on a site like this one. Still, i would like some advice.. I’m sorry if this is too long, i don’t really know what i’m going to say so thank you to all of you who actually read through all this nonsense..
I don’t know what’s happening to me, i never would have imagined i would slip this far away. At first i thought i was just being a little over dramatic. That’s normal for teenagers y’know? But these thoughts, these “what ifs”, these plans, I can see how much they are taking over and i don’t know what […]
i have no words now … i was thinking about that alot latlyyy but i had a little hope just alittle one to fight for … but now !!!!
i made my decision ill stop thinking about it and ill do it soon ill fix some things before i leave …. i have nothing to do here actually never had !!!!
can someone help me? if you come across this post, please read the whole thing. i feel really stuck.
theres a lot of reasons why i finally accepted I’m suicidal. I’ve tried to kill myself before but i was too weak to do it. i was scared and i couldn’t stop thinking about my mom finding me. i feel like it would be the easiest way to deal with life, i honestly feel like if i was dead everything would be so much better and specially i wouldn’t have to worry about anything. if i died i don’t care what happens i just hope that i […]
Wrote it back in 2012, about depression, finally found it hidden in the recesses of my computer.
That little bastard never sleep, always does he creep,
Here now it seeps through me,
Everywhere I am he never agrees,
Righteous ************ just please,
Ease the fuck up you squeeze too tight.
Inside my head you infest,
Silent screams making me depressed.
How the fuck did you get so loud,
Over the others you reign supreme in your own shroud,
Please ************ shut up cause here’s the crowd,
Every voice you ground out now we back ***** shouting loud.
No more will I listen to you,
Every moment dragging me down […]
Im in angry state right now with all little things in my life that has happend. In first place I angry for me for not solving my social anxiety. In second place im a feel myself as failutre for not accomplishing much in life an in failing in many times in different areas of life. I angry at people because i think they take advantage of me or are not reliable. I SEE A LOT OF POSTS HERE WITH THESE COMPLAINTS. But at the same time i feel its all my fault for not going for it.Being a lazy ass and not trying. […]
i’m new. to the site, at least, not to being suicidal. but i like writing and i was told once i should get more people to read it, so thought maybe this would be a good place to put this?
I breathe with the beating of my heart and lose it all so easily,
something of some significance slipping through my fingers.
Farewell, goodbye, good riddance, freedom and fear follow suit;
I’m gone, I’m gone, I’m gone.
it’s short but it’s here.
Of waiting. I tried hanging myself countless times to no avail last year. I may try again next week. We move and ill have my own room again. I’ll have the space to do it. My mom is talking about moving and the things we have to do. Im to old to care how it will affect her or any family. Before my breakdown last year we had barely talked for 5 years. I dont care a anymore. There wasnt a me before this pain. This is who i am. I am depressed and suicidal. I am also tired and old. Ive had countless attempts, […]
You’ve come back again, and here i am again.. i thought last time was the last time that’d id post because i was officially out of the shit hole i was in.. i have a feeling there are going to be more of those situations to come in the future, maybe this will be the last time.. Hopefully the light will shine sometime soon.. For those of you still hanging on, i fucking envy you, you guys are the strongest people i probably know in my life right now.. I mean I’m still hanging on, but running on fumes, i don’t know how you guys […]
Well it all started when i was about 7 my mom went to jail for lust and i started getting into pot at 12 but aroung that time i got caught shoplifting which put me through hell then a bne (breaking an entering) then it keeps getting worse. I have a scare on my back from when i was abused at the age of 5 but that bothers me no more last year i got knocked out from a choke hold by my dad then a couple days after that i got caught smoking pot on school grounds then i moved in with my sisters […]
Things have gotten better. They really have. Ive got a new job now, helping out an old friend, my depression has subsided and im ready to get off the meds now, and i barely hallucinate anymore. It used to be much worse. I wouldnt eat. I wouldnt sleep. Or i would sleep for days on end without water even. My heavy self medication with marajuana and alcohol has turned into lighter recreational use, and i feel like that previously impregnable barrier between myself and others has subsided substantially. I feel like a human being again. I feel successful even. But really, thats the problem. It […]
Have you guys ever gone on benders? like you want to get so fucked up so much so all you have to worry about tomorrow is that hangover?
well i did that on saturday, and i dragged along my 2 bestfriends. we had a crazy fun night. we watched movies, ate pizza, had beers and had alprazolam. basically, i was happy i was fucked up with these people.
but on sunday i was still so high that i autopiloted my whole sunday. like i woke up and did shit. even had family lunch. they said that i looked sleep af, they didnt know about my bender the […]
I’m tired of wishing I had ended it. I’m tired regretting the past with no future to look forward to. No one will ever care for me. I’ve led a life of such remarkable insignificance the bitterness and anger are becoming harder to control. One shot could have solved my problems. But I’m as weak now as i was then. I don’t belong in any conceivable way. I welcome death if ever it mercifully delivers me from this pain. I get it I’m inept socially. I’m incompetent to anxious/depressed/tired to work on things that I need to. I’m ugly and fat and poor and […]
Sorry about posting non Suicidal content. If you want to know something depressing i was guilted into attending a slightly cultish Christian event earlier so there is that.
I haven’t seen the movie yet but I’m worried, really worried. I’ll see it tomorrow but my expectations are lowered. You see I’m a comic book fan in general. Not a marvel fan or dc (or image or any other indie for that matter) but i love the medium. So since these movies have become the dominant blockbuster I have been prettty happy. Also Batman is my favorite fictional character. So i want this movie to be […]
Updat how fucked up is florida I went down the street to buy cigerrets and some random peson comes up to wanting to be “freinds and talk” when i kindly told him no im good .he tells my i was driveing i and i saw you walking and stop to say hi do you need a lift I can droo you off i said no now leave while waiting to a red light to cross the street he pulled up and opened his window and told him to fo fuck him slef and leave me alone .
Today I cried […]
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