You know what’s really fantastic is lying awake at 2:30 in the morning, trying to figure out why I feel like a piece of shit. I mean, I feel like shit, obviously, with the dizziness and the nausea that comes from not sleeping for a couple of days. But why do I feel like a piece of shit? I fed my cats. I went to work, didn’t screw up or underperform. I didn’t get into any arguments, I didn’t say or do anything rude or unethical. So why, god, do I still have this leaden guilty-and-wanting-to-die feeling without any outside circumstances to justify it?
Tag:
Insomnia
I have never had insomnia before, this is the first time in my life. It is hell and making my depression even worse.
Does anyone else have it? Or has anyone else had it? How did you deal with it?
I’m just going to put this here for me to re-read when I’m at a low point. Kind of as a public time-capsule. Bear with me as it’s going to be a lot about I-Me-My.
I was born to a single mom with a lot of personal issues. She was a pretty promiscuous party girl during my early childhood. She dated, and we lived with a few
different drug dealers before I was even 3, not that I minded at that age. I temporarily lived with my grandma for a year from 3 to 4. I don’t have any memory of
this but apparently, according to […]
It’s hard for me to sleep. It’s 1:04 AM here and I am still awake. My sleep patterns are getting weird. And I am sure I won’t sleep until 5:00 Am. I just lay awake at night, losing myself in thought and contemplating my doom and misfortune. I think I need to get myself on sleeping pills. Any suggestions?!!??
I have it real bad. The medication is not doing a thing.
Everyone is sleeping. The ward is dead quiet, with the occasional snoring and farting from the old ladies.
I’m still up. I doubt I’ll sleep. I guess this will have be a night spent on SP and pretending to study on the side.
I was deployed to Afghanistan in 2010 as a Lance Corporal in the U.S. Marines. L0ng story short I came back with PTSD and Depression. For me that meant nightmares, fear of public spaces, panic attacks, insomnia, hyper vigilance, anger and flashbacks along with everything that comes with depression. 2011 is when I started to get suicidal and went into the VA ( Veterans Affairs) the first time in September for a week and again in October for about a week. They didn’t fix anything they just gave me a nice cocktail of meds to keep in a zombie like state. Living like that sucks. […]
I’m here because I don’t know what to do now…
The easiest way to put his is to say that I am lost, tired and hopeless. Suicide has been on my mind for months now and the more I try to push it away the more it grows stronger.
When the depression started a year ago, I made myself promise that I would never ever, ever hurt myself.I love my parents, my family, my friends and the random people I meet that are full of life, kindness and appreciation. I also told myself that I am a fortunate human being. I was born in a poor country […]
For fucks sake! Can somebody please shut that fucking dog up?!
Its the middle of the night, 02:15 am to be more exactly and I cant sleep because this fucking dog wont shut up.
I swear, if it doesn’t shut up, my rage will reach boiling point and I wont be responsible for my own actions.
It keeps barking and howling, and it wont let me sleep. The images in my head wont go away. Im sick of it. I fucking hate it.
Now Im crying…
I can’t get no sleep
Ok, so that’s an exaggeration. Even on the worst nights, I usually manage 1-2 hours. What I mean to say is that I can’t get enough sleep to function properly. During my work week, I spend most of the time wandering around in a haze, zombified, narrowly avoiding bumping into people, longing for the day to end. But then the night finally comes, and I just can’t get to sleep at a reasonable hour, no matter how tired I am.
I feel like I’ve tried all the standard advice. Sticking to routines, exercise, limiting technology use, changing my diet, meditation, yoga, warm […]
This is my first time posting anything here, so I feel like I should introduce myself a bit. My name is Rae. I’m transgender, my preferred pronouns are his/him. I’m asexual and aromantic. I write sometimes, draw even less. I read a lot, though. I was going to go to college for psychology and philosophy, but I probably won’t make it that far. My favorite colors are white, gold, red, and black, in that order. I really love flowers and reptiles and am constantly torn between the two. Alright, this is just turning into me babbling about myself, but whatever.
Anyway, I found this site and […]
I really don’t like this whole not being able to sleep thing…it screws everything up even more and leaves me so exhausted.
My brain won’t stop dancing amongst the putrid errors my fucked up self has made in the past. Like ever, seriously.
Slept for 9 hours last night but I wake up feeling less happier than yesterday. I don’t know how many times I woke up in the middle but should be plenty. I feel less happier, less motivated than yesterday. How I can be happy one day and suicidal the next I don’t understand.
Well insomnia is not the cause for my state but only a symptom. The actual reason I suspect is some kind of digestive illness. I’ve lost a bit of weight. I have had horrible reflux since 3 years. Celiac/Crohn’s/GERD I don’t know what it is but I’m tired of stressing over finding out […]
(I know that some of you won’t, but please keep your rude, degrading comments to youself. Like a diabetic doesn’t ask for diabetes, people with mental illness don’t ask for it either.)
I inherited bipolar depression from both my mother and father. I’ve had a lot of emotional problems since I was a child. I was always extremely depressed and angry, somtimes suicidal. I had a compulsive cutting addiction as well, not just surface stratches..the kind like “Oh my God hold her down, put pressure on the bleeding. Call an ambulance” I was hospitalized twice which I am immensely grateful for. They gave my bipolar depression […]
The first time I attempted suicide I was eleven, it involved a shoddily tied hangmans knot, a bag, and a closet it looked like some kind of scene out of an erotic asphyxiation porn than a suicide. It left a circle of bruise around my neck for a week. My mother had been screaming at me for days , constantly yelling, constantly questioning my loyalty, constantly belittling me, keeping me in the house for days unable to go to school like all the other little girls do. I had no other option, no one would believe me, my mother told them I was crazy, I […]
I want to die, and not because I’m going through some ‘rough times’ or whatever, I’ve felt this way since I was at school.
I’m in my 20’s and I have mental health problems, manic depression, insomnia, amongst other things, I never have any energy nor feel happiness.
I feel like life isn’t for me, it’s all too hard when I think of it all, it’s so daunting and I just don’t have the energy for it. I can’t hold down a job because of my insomnia, so what’s the point of living? I’m not wired properly to ever be happy and I’ll always have problems doing normal […]
Abandoned by my mother
Raped by my grandpa
When i told abandoned by my grandmother
Raped by my brother
Abandoned by everyone in my family but my dad
Went to court
Diagnosed with Pseudo seizures
Struggling with depression, anxiety, ptsd, insomnia, cutting and other mental illness’s
You would thing my life wouldn’t get any worse.
About 3 month ago, I noticed a lump in my upper left abdomen, it hurt but i ignored it.
1 month ago the pain moved to my lower right abdomen.
In my right abdomen I had an ovarian cyst. Nothing bad right?
I told them about pain on my left side. They did a CT scan. And found a mass.
For the last […]
i usually make myself a drink or smoke before i go to sleep but tonight im out of everything.
i can’t get high and i can’t get drunk and i can’t fall asleep.
all i want to do is feel like im drifting but i can’t and i don’t like that i can’t.
i hate being sober sometimes.
i get the best sleep when i’m not.
im not an addict. i keep my shit together. i have a good job and i go to school.
i just don’t want to feel like me at night.
is that so much to ask? 🙁
The nature of my job requires me to be somewhat social. Â This is quite a contradiction in the sense that when my anxiety and depression are at their highest, my desire — and ability — to be social is at the lowest. Â I spent most of the day today at a family reunion. Â It was totally exhausting being social for so long. Â Today it’s back to work after too short of a summer, facing what already suggests will be a long, long school year. Â This week will be hard because I will be forced to be social with my co-workers, repeatedly, over and over, through […]
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