I can’t make it anymore. I always come back to the same point. When I’m alone, I see that my life is pointless and worthless. and I want to die again. Why? I try to live. I try to find the reason to live. I try so hard. But those thoughts…They don’t leave me…Why do I always come back to the same point?
Tag:
my life
So this is the first time I’m going to talk about my feelings online. I’ve never done this because I feel people will judge me, but I can’t keep on keeping everything bottled up inside me.
Since I was little, I always knew I wanted to find mr Perfect and give him all the love I could give him. I did things in the past that I’m not proud of. I’m a different person now.
My father left me when I was little. He never had love for me. He wanted a son and then he got me.. He lefte and moved on to get something […]
Two lymph nodes popped up on my neck a week ago. I went to urgent care. They did an assessment on me and couldn’t really tell me what it was from. They asked me questions – like – did I feel sick, etc. No. I don’t feel sick. I don’t know what’s going on with this. I’ve been trying to be levelheaded about this. Yes, I have depression and have thoughts of suicide some times, but… I don’t actually want to die.
They couldn’t do any tests, because it’s just an urgent care clinic and they don’t have ultrasounds and stuff to biopsy it. Ugh.
I know […]
i don’t really come here for help anymore, so please ignore me; i just wanted a place to ramble.
i never in my wildest dreams thought i would make it to eighteen- not once, even at my most optimistic, did i seriously consider the possibility that i’d still be here today… but i am here.
i don’t really know how i feel about that.
it’s almost kind of laughable, you know? like a bad joke or a fucked up riddle, what’s still there but not, what should be gone that isn’t, what do you call a ghost that’s still alive– and it’s me.
it’d be nice to say hey, […]
I’ve been through a lot in the few short years that I have been alive. 26. I’m a father. Prior service. U.S. Army. Bowling champion. Weapons expert. I’ve personally battled childhood obesity. At the age of 17 I weighed over 375. Within the year and a half I lost 175lbs. Enlisted and cultivated my life. Held friends in my arms as they passed away. Saved my family as our house burnt to the ground. Since 2007 I have attempted suicide 5 times. I took over 300 sleeping pills. Loaded shotgun to my chest. CO inhalation. Alcohol poisoning. And short suspension hanging. The pills made me […]
Went back to my high school today for their spring musical. It’s been six years, and I still get emotional about that time in my life. The students did spectacular, indescribably so actually. I was so impressed. And then I had this moment, and it was almost like I could literally feel something shifting, breaking in my brain. It was all I could do to stand up or keep from crying. Good thing I had to leave early to get ready for work tonight. Six years, and so much has happened, and yet, I have made absolutely no progress. I really am so hopeless. Death, […]
So after suffering for over a decade of loneliness, I’ve decided today is the day I will kill myself. No one knows the pain I am in because nobody cares to know me. People only know fragments of who I am, and when I open up, it only scares them away. I am 32 years old I haven’t had a girlfriend since my early 20s and I am a fairly successful individual. I have a master’s degree and make $100,000 year. I don’t tell you this to brag, but to demonstrate that this disease affects everyone. I have served in the military for over 8 […]
well i kinda fucked up my whole life, just turned 18 in April, and i have no hope of living my parents love me to bits but i have given them enough pain to and made them cry so many times that i am a disgrace to this world. my whole family praises my sister and my cousins who are extremely smart and doing well in life though they have smaller problems they have never let down their parents but i just can’t get out of it, i fucked up in school got terrible grades, and now i fucked up in uni by getting terrible […]
Here’s my suicide story
Last year was the most difficult and sad time of my entire life not only for me but for my family and friends. Having struggled for many months with severe depression and for many years with self injury, I decided to try and take my own life and overdosed on my antidepressants. I just wanted a relief from the pain I had to deal with on a day to day basis that consumed every aspect of my life. I had never felt so desperate in my entire life. 2015 would be the start of a series of suicide attempts and hospital admissions […]
Hello again, everyone.
I know, most of you don’t know you, and the ones who do probably don’t remember me, but that’s ok.
I posted a few things some weeks ago, and talking with all of you made me realized I wanted to be better. I even start looking College where I can study psychology, Weird.
Anyway, it doesn’t matter now.
I wanted to apologize for not being around. I had you all in my mind all of this time, I prayed for all of you, but I didn’t feel strong enough to enter this site.
Now, I don’t feel strong enough to do anything, […]
I diagnosed myself to be a schizoid, but due to self-diagnosis, people may laugh it off, but I know myself very well.
I have no desire to live, or to die. I see no real meaning to continue living. Everyone has to die, isn’t it? It also seems to be the quicker way to get rid of the boredom I have had all my life. Though my circumstances are just as bad as any other suicidal person, I have no real emotional attachment to anything in life. I live alone in Japan, though I was not raised here, hence I don’t even speak japanese.
There is no […]
On top of the many reasons for contemplating suicide, there is one that seems odd to even me. A lot of my reasons are about pain and suffering that I dont want to endure anymore. But this one is different.
Sometimes I wish I would commit suicide so when people find out they can have that moment of realization thinking “ohhh so he was that disturbed to the point of suicide”. And I like to think about people from my distant past too. There have been so many moments in my life that my interaction with people can be reduced to conflict and a degrading, judgmental […]
my boyfriend knew something was wrong. bless his beautiful soul. he held me and asked me what was wrong. i went to class and came back and he had written me a letter saying sorry. sorry for what? he is too nice to me.
he is making it harder for me to do it. im a burden on everones life. i take up space and resources. im tired all the time even when all i do is lay in bed. he still calls me beautiful. i really want him to stop caring so i can just fucking die. theres so much unnecessary pain surrounding everyone. for […]
Please, can somebody help, even if it is just to talk? I’m at my wit’s end.
I’m no kid, I’m well old enough to remember the 80s. So, couple of years ago, I was getting on for that age when life begins (you know when I mean?) and thinking about being lonely. I’ve never dated anybody…hell, I’ve never done anything even most 13 year olds have done. Total level 1 noob at my age, ha.
Sure, I’d had offers but I was a robot who couldn’t feel romantic love. I felt nothing for those who had offered, so I turned ’em down (in a nice way, I aint […]
people say its the easy way out but its the hardest choice ive had to make in my life…if i should do it, when i should do it, how i should do it…. ive been like this since 8th grade and now im finishing my freshman year of college.
im not sure why i feel this way. ive tried to make my life better but every time something went terribly wrong and my life got a little worse instead. ill spare you all the details of my life that have led me to this point but ill summarize them just so you can get the gist:
dad left […]
I am so tired of my life and myself, my thoughts makes my throat hurt and the pain shivers down to my chest. Its so tempting to just ram a knife up my throat. If I ever get my own apartment I woulnd’t be surprised if I actually did something like that, I want to cut my guts out, bleed out and destroy myself. As many others on this place my urge grows bigger towards my birthday, I don’t know why that is.. but I suppose to me it feels natural to go out on the same date that you came in.. I also had […]
Hi
I don’t really understand what all this is and what i’m doing here but this is all i have i guess
I’ll start this by saying my life is a quiet mess
I’m a 21 year old trans person (im agender, im not male or female) and I live with my shitty mom
now i’m not saying she’s shitty just because I don’t like her, she really is a cruel person. She’s left me in this weird limbo where i can’t tell what is and isn’t abuse anymore and she’s neglected me, mostly emotionally, that i don’t know what to do. She only knows I can like anyone […]
I don’t want to try and fight this shit anymore. Its funny because this thought never goes away. It lessens. Well today its a little stronger than normal. Its been building. Festering probably going to morph into an alternative better version of me. The sad thing is that I doubt anyone would be able to tell the difference. They would like “her” more. I’m being consumed by my own demons. I gave up on trying to fight them long ago. I’m fucked for however long I live. I’m stuck living, failed at taking my life and a whole bunch of other shit. I can’t even […]
I hope this to be my last post ever on this website. For me, things did not get better. I know now that they will not get better. Anytime something good ever happens to me, it gets taken away from me. It is always a matter of time before something knocks my happiness off course. I hope tomorrow I can end my life. I pray for it. My parents will be working and it my perfect chance to end it all. Maybe sometime this week. Even though things did not get better for me, it may get better for whomever is reading this. Stay strong. […]
If only I could meet her now…
A girl that see’s me for my troubles and doubts.
Someone willing to reach out their hand to me, help me out of this mess.
I’ve created it for myself, this world of hurt I call my life.
So far any sort of opportunity or chance at redemption has never come my way.
I fight alone, and sure I got friends but when I need them the most…they’re never there.
Can’t tell you how many times I dream of a life where I’m happy.
No shit too, I’ll have dreams where I am with her again.
But she’s always out of my reach.
No matter what I […]