The guy I was seeing a couple weeks ago, Aaron, turned out to be a bust. He was a really nice and sweet guy, but his interest ran out. But that’s not my main problem. It’s Presley. I am madly in love with Presley, we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, we were in love with each other, and then all the crap happened with Holly and Amy, he chose both of them over me, and yet we still love each other. I want to yell at him, I want to pound on his chest and beat all of my pain away as […]
Tag:
pain
I do not know what to do, what to think. I truly do believe that my husband does not want me around anymore even though he tries to make fighting arguments that he loves me and that he wants me to be here. I am having by far the worst time in my life and he can’t even be there how he used to be. He used to be so patient. Do entirely blame him for it though. He has gone through a lot with me in the last almost 4 years of being together, a year and a half of being married and 11 […]
Since I was about three years old I was told my life would be become better for the events that played out later.
My parents split when I was three (no I am not heartbroken about it, I have not talked it him in almost 15 years). I was told that my life would take a step in a better direction now that a toxin was gone.
I was sexually and physically assaulted when I was five. No one in my life found out until I was 12/13 because hell at the time I didn’t even know what that was. It was my mom’s boyfriend at the […]
Not everyone understands what its like to not matter. To have never fitted in. Even amongst the mentally ill. To be ugly. Not to feel ugly but to actually be so repulsive that the best you can hope for is for another arrogant thot who doesn’t care about you at all except to pity to boost their own ego all to try to convince you that someone else will as a consellation. Otherwise you have rejection because of your ugliness and anxiety. Not everyone gets what its like to to be in complete mental misery for 3 decades going back to childhood so you have […]
Sure, I sit and think about death and how I would go about offing myself quite a bit. But the actual concept of death is somewhat terrifying. I think what I ultimately want is for my pain to be gone, but not to be dead. I do not believe in an afterlife. I believe that death is nothingness. There would be no me anymore. There would be no me to even experience nothingness. I would not be sitting in eternal darkness, wish-washing in and out through consciousness and nothingness, I would just be gone. Erased. No more. The idea of that is somewhat satisfying. It’s […]
been in the darkness so long so the darkness is what I became
my world is dark only one way to release the pain
i befriened the steel in the darkness she knows how to ease my pain
alone in the dark no one can hear you scream you can open your mouth but no sound comes out
physical pain is my only release
alone in the dark with the demons and me
The river runs red but it all in my head
Been reading that the problem with the suicide is that the person feels more pain than they can cope with. But I don’t feel pain anymore. I’m just tired. EXHAUSTED. Everything in my life is loss and debts and failures and panic attacks and I’m tired of this. I used to feel a lot of pain. Now I don’t. Not anymore. I just want to stop existing.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
come to think about it my lifes been a mess from the start from around 8 all iv knew is pain and suffering and reality it hard to bare I now understand why I used to drink and smoke weed everyday been sober for 3 years reality is hard mentally there a lot going on that I cant cope with it all my whole lifes been a dream I could see my self from a distance but can’t stop my self
This is Ylem the Masochist speaking. And no… Not in a sexual way…
I want to strangle myself until I’m blue. Deprive myself of oxygen. That is just the beginning.
I need a whip. Scourge myself to the brink of dead. See flesh peeling off and blood pouring. Beat myself up like a fucking animal that I am.
I want to cut open my veins and watch the blood pour out. Feel dizzy and drained from all the blood loss.
I’m not done.
Bang myself against the wall until I have a concussion and collapse.
To top it all of. Plunge a knife in my gut and hold my intestines in […]
Oh my gosh, I have been trying to remember the name of this site for the life of me! I’ve looked every where for it for the past two years and then *BAM* I finally found it! No, I just went back through some of what I wrote and I feel bad for my past self; I was not a positive person, but I know it wasn’t my fault that I was depressed. No, here’s what’s happened the past couple years – p.s. sorry for the long story.
My best friend moved to Arizona in December of 2014; I missed her like crazy. I went out […]
I kept telling myself I would do it.
First I smoked some bud. Then I grabbed my backpack, drove to a parking lot along the river.
I crossed the railroad tracks, and tied the backpack straps around my waist as I made my way to the water.
I was still wearing nice shoes, but I figured it wouldn’t make any difference, so I waded in the water.
I had every intention of doing this. I stood there, having blocked any thought of turning around. I took another step forward, feeling my leg sink into the soot deeper than I thought. My heart raced.
I was able […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Today I burned my arm over the boiling kettles steam it hurt and still stings but I like it now its something to occupy my mind and its not like a normal pastime or anything and now I feel like I wanna start harming again to feel the pain and take my mind somewhere else for a while this may be good or bad not too sure yet.
I continuously wonder what I did wrong to deserve all of this pain. I’m so sorry for whatever it is, I pray to god (not literally, I’m not religious) that one day I’ll have been through all of the pain I can and will finally be happy, something I’ve never gotten, if this emotional, mental and somewhat physical suffering doesn’t kill me first.
When uv been depressed and suicidal for a long time you start to embrace the darkness finding ways to stay alive in the dark fog by self harming changing one pain for another only thing that helps emotional pain and thinking of death can calm ones active mind thinkin of a method iv got 3 methods to choose from OD not to keen on hanging might need to think more about needs planning and drinking poison need to do research or try the wrist
i don’t do highs and trains think it’s brutal shotgun to the face is the dream I feel so calm talking about […]
I’m tired of wishing I had ended it. I’m tired regretting the past with no future to look forward to. No one will ever care for me. I’ve led a life of such remarkable insignificance the bitterness and anger are becoming harder to control. One shot could have solved my problems. But I’m as weak now as i was then. I don’t belong in any conceivable way. I welcome death if ever it mercifully delivers me from this pain. I get it I’m inept socially. I’m incompetent to anxious/depressed/tired to work on things that I need to. I’m ugly and fat and poor and […]
Many old timers here will be more familiar with the back story of Dawg … newer folks, feel free to peruse my past posts that date back to 2011.
The cliff notes:
I suffer from chronic back pain … make life difficult and saps my strength and will … often to the brink. And in years passed I was faced with homelessness through foreclosure … at which point I was confident I could implement my “Exit Strategy” and wash my hands of the whole mess. During this whole time … about the only reason I did not end my pain and cut short the inevitable march […]
I’m standing on the edge I stumble I fall in
I’m falling into nothing I’m screaming im calling
it feels like I’m drowning man I can’t breath
can someone save me from myself please
it could be sunny outside but it’s raining over me
downward spiral walking corpse virus Im slowly dying in silence
And I’m it’s host to entertain wile it flourishes from my pain
and stuck in this hole
i remain
she’s all wrapped up tight
unwrapped she shines in the light
i hesitate at first for moment everything goes quiet
Iv found a new friend she’s so shiny and light
she knows my pain without me saying a word
she knows how to change mental pain into physical
without any words
she knows how to release tension all built up inside
She makes me bleed but she makes me feel alive at the same time
i don’t feel so numb this is kind of fun watching the blood run
but she dose leave scars that much is true
but in dark nights she really dose looks like the moon
– Ray