General

For general topics related to the site.

0

I feel worthless

July 28th, 2016by openandclosed

I see myself as a noone, a little bitch and as someone who cannot control themself in the most simplest situations. My family has given me everything that I have ever wished from them yet I cannot repay the favor because I am an ungrateful asshat. I complain over everything and I see myself as a pure idiot. I fear everything, I cannot go outside because of a previous experience. I scare everything and even death itself. I cannot, AND CANNOT even try to kill myself because I am not sure how good of a place it is after dead. Will I go to hell? …

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3

I cant get him out of my head…

July 28th, 2016by ZombieGirl

I’ve always had depression, always hid it, except for the time I ran away, but pretended to pretty much be ok afterwards, some days are good, some are, worse. My aspergers never helped, then I met him.

I joined an art course for 2 years, which also sucked but taught me some life lessons, on my 2nd year (this year just finished) their was a new class taking the 1st years place as we took the 2nd, and he was in it, I’d forgotten he was in my high school too, he’s at least a year older than me, of course I got on with everyone, …

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1

When Death Is The Only Way

July 28th, 2016by EmptyPluto

I see emptiness in everything. Every day of my entire life i’ve looked up at a starless sky. I’ve come to a point where I rarely feel sad. I even ocassionally feel, dare I say, happy. Then again I don’t think I even feel anything anymore. It’s all too confusing. Human life is confusing. I don’t wish to live life on Earth in this restricting appearance. This human appearance. We are looked at to grow, to wear clothes and live in buildings. To make the most of this so called ‘life’. I can’t see that anymore. Death is the only inevitable thing in life. And …

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0

It’s been a while

July 28th, 2016by mindlessgamer619

I’ve been lurking a bit here, tbh. Today is different. I just felt like saying what’s been on my mind today.

I’m lonely. Sometimes I think I’m desperately lonely, even with the amount of family I could more than likely attempt to call, or some of the few friends I talk to on a somewhat day to day, today’s been too quiet. I’ve had a burning feeling in the pit of my stomach all day. I’ve taken no calls from anyone, hell I need to take a shower… Been trying to clean a little bit, and I dealt with the dogs today…..

SIgh. I think my biggest …

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1

July 28th, 2016by Jazzmoses

DSC_1077

Picture of my niece. Happy-ish days.

 

 

 

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1

Reflection

July 28th, 2016by whydoiwantto

Hi everyone,

It’s been a couple of months since I’ve posted, which is probably a good sign. I have still been reading and lurking, but things have changed a lot for me, and I am no longer constantly filled with the anger and self hatred and suicidal impulses that drove me to post before.

What’s amazing is that the transcranial magnetic stimulation (or TMS) worked. It really worked! Wow! I still think of suicide now and then, but more of a passing curiosity, not the constant voice in your head that looks at every passing train and skyscraper and says “you should do it.” The TMS really …

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8

Everything is Ruined

July 28th, 2016by ErasedEon

I’ve ruined everything. I wish I didn’t try. I was proud of myself for trying to stand up for myself, but in the end, they ended up destroying my life. I don’t know what to do with myself. This world is cruel. If I only knew then what I know now, I wouldn’t have gotten myself into this horrible mess. Everything is destroyed and it’s all my fault.

I’m sorry… I’m not your hero anymore. 

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0

Stop.

July 28th, 2016by hellblau

Time is mocking me and now I’m fighting gravity. I’m destroying me, colliding worlds will set you free.

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22

A final decision

July 28th, 2016by djarumblack

This weekend

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0

missing you (brown eyes)

July 28th, 2016by dramaqueen90

my eyes are so weary.

my heart weeps.

my body aches.

my mind is dark.

my voice is getting quiter.

my hope lessens every day.

i curl up into a ball.

i rock back and forth.

my tears fall down my cheeks.

my body shakes uncontrollably.

i need you here.

i need your arms around me

i need to hear your breathing.

i need to hear your heart beating.

i need to lay my head on your chest.

i need you to kiss me once more.

i need to hear you speak to me.

i need your love.

i need cry.

i need to see you.

i need peace.

i miss you.

my heart can’t take much more.

my best friend.

one I love.

my brown eyes.

love,

your blue eyes.

 

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1

Somebody to Love

July 28th, 2016by BrokenMirage

Maybe I’m just looking for somebody to love. I’m lonely. And it’s fustrating that my happiness is dependent on something like whether he texts me good morning or if he messages me throughout the day or if I see his name on caller ID. I’m desperate for someone that is mutually addicted to me, as I am to him. I keep myself busy, so I’m not just moping around waiting for him to reply, an hour later. it’s not like I don’t check my phone every few seconds. Then late replies and missed phone calls and I begin to overthink….maybe I was the only one …

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2

I think suicidal people are cool.

July 28th, 2016by PhantomCitizen43

I have been suicidal myself… quiet a few times.   I have even come close to death a few times due to suicide attempts.  That is why I am an member here at the SP forum and come here regularly to vent.  I mean lets face the truth.  Life can be hard.  It can be painful > it can become a big mess of bullshit to deal with and when that happens.  Suicide can become and attractive choice to make.   I fully understand!

Currently I am getting along well.  But the issue of suicide is always at the back of my mind and ultimately I …

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2

which one was it…

July 28th, 2016by sadspectralgiraffe

People are shit,
or I am too messed up?

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1

Rage

July 28th, 2016by Jazzmoses

Rage is what I’ve been feeling since my dad visited two weeks ago. One month without talking to me or trying to reach out. The hardest month yet. The month I started my antidepressants. The month I constantly called him, remembering that he had promised me to be there for me, even if it was 2:00 am. One night, it was 2:00 am and I was holding all of my medication in my hands. It was painful. There was a war inside my head. Trying to die is mentally painful. I called him 10 times. Voicemail every time.

I was crying, of course. I don’t hold …

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3

I’m a scared little boy

July 28th, 2016by hurtmepleaseibegofyou

I’ve been cutting for a long time. It started small. It was no big deal. But it’s gone too far. It went from small cuts to straight up stabbing. Maybe it isn’t as bad as it could be. But I have been brutal to my body. It’s not for the pain. It’s for the blood. It’s like dying a little bit every time. But it has really gone too far. It’s getting hard to hide. I can’t pretend that I fell into a cactus forever. But I am really just scared for my health. I can’t let this much blood out of me constantly. I …

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6

Anyone want to make friends with a fucking loser?

July 28th, 2016by WastingtheUnknown

With a complete screw up that doesn’t know what’s good for him?

Tried to make a friend at group therapy: they slowly stopped responding.

Tried to make a friend two semesters ago and told them about my hospitalization: stopped responding after two texts.

Tried to befriend a group of friends in my latest philosophy class: Never responded when I gave out my number.

Tried to befriend someone from another class and gave my number: They’ve stopped…

Lol, I’m nothing but a fucking loser. A friendless fucking loser that can’t do anything better but complain on the fucking internet and get drunk occasionally, I’m fucking worthless to everyone I ever meet, …

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2

very little hope ( brown eyes )

July 27th, 2016by dramaqueen90

i have very little hope.

if only I could see you again.

if only I could talk to you again.

your home.

to me your silent.

i am surprised I haven’t cut yet.

i am trying to hold it together.

but I’ve been doing that for three years.

i just want to look into your eyes.

hear your focus.

kiss your lips.

i have no peace.

what about you brown eyes.

my best friend.

one I love.

havent we been apart long enough.

havent we suffered long enough.

i need you here.

but I have little hope you will come for me.

i messaged you.

i don’t know why I try.

your distant and silent.

but I see your eyes are as weary.

you look tired.

i wish we …

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2

My suicide story

July 27th, 2016by lau___dufour

TRIGGER WARNING; SUICIDE ATTEMPT, HOSPITAL, INTENSIVE CARE

For those of you who don’t know CAMHS stands for Child/ Adolescent Mental Health services here in the UK

I’ve always thought it was important to share your stories of mental illness with your friends, family, or just people who know you. Just to reduce stigma by addressing the realities of mental illness. For me, telling my story is therapeutic but also i have no reason not to tell it? I have nothing to be embarrassed about, it shouldn’t be a big deal to talk about depression or suicide or any other mental disorder, these are common things to experience …

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3

If you’re as confused as I am…

July 27th, 2016by alaskalevine

If you’re as confused as I am, you don’t know why you’re here. You don’t know what you believe in or where you’re going in life or what’s in your future. You’re confused as to why you don’t want to be here.

If you’re as lost as I am, you don’t know where to turn. You don’t know who to talk to, who will listen, or who can help you. You’re lost in a darkness that bleeds through everything else.

If you’re as depressed as I am, you feel hopeless. You know that no matter what anyone else says, you can’t be happy, you don’t quite know how to …

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1

Dealing with a mentaly unstabled mom

July 27th, 2016by Huston23

Before I start with anything im a 15 year old man and I manly struggle with depression and Social Anxiety.

Im not sure what age my mom is but she’s in the late 30’s. She has anger issue’s and she yells every fucking day. We don’t get alone because it’s her fought. Now you may think im just any typical teenager that is immature and disrespectful to their parents but with me it’s the other way around. My mom is actually disrespectful to me. Im a very respectful kid. I open doors for everyone, I do whats asked and I do things even unasked. I get …

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