I’m longing to die. Every part of my cookie cutter life is driving me crazy. I’m on the brink of killing myself, with suicide always on my mind. I wish I had to guts to act on my plans though. I keep making plans and at the last minute I just can’t do it. I hate living here. I don’t understand why I can’t just relieve myself of this pain and have it over with. I just don’t understand why I don’t have the guts to do the one thing I want most -to die
Chronic Pain
One hour till midnight
The surrounding air is cold
Two unmoving eyes peer from beneath
Frozen ripples crash and fold
Late in the frigid night
The sun will never break
My heart beats no longer
Underneath the lake
You were as morning fog
In time you disappeared
When I woke to embrace you
You were nowhere near
Blackened is the night
The sun will never break
I draw no more air
Underneath the lake
I keep calling your name out loud
Running through the snowy wood
I grow evermore fearful
I did not do all that I could
Damned be the fleeting night
The sun will never break
I shed no more tears
Underneath the lake
The end shown its wicked face
A scream was never heard
In a few hopeless […]
22 years
4 years past my personal expected life span
6 years past my second attempt to “end it all”
9 years since my 1st attempt to rid myself of the inner turmoil
22 years too long…
I am so lost and so broken
The weight of self hatred, regret and ever lasting guilt has crushed my ribs down upon my heart and lungs
Every breath feels undeserved, every thought is pushed into the depths of my mind
This is not worth it anymore
I shouldn’t hurt my family any longer with my undesired presence
I should allow them the freedom to be without my incompetence and my problems
I am so scared
Let this be the […]
I wake up with the notion that maybe you still love me. I know it’s not true. It’s been weeks, no, months, actually, I don’t even remember, it’s felt like a lifetime. Everyday without you in my life is an eternity spent in the company of misery. You were the bow to my strings, the stars to my night sky. Without you, I’m nothing. Without anything, what reason is there to stay? I remember your scars, the pattern of your iris, the smell of your hair. I remember holding you under the bright lights, crying, promising nothing could ever drive us apart. I remember the […]
I’m a grown man. I have a wife and children in their mid and late teens. I have a career
and I like what I do. I won’t become a millionaire but quite frankly not looking to either.
Without unmanageable debt, in good health, not religious but spiritually at peace with
my own convictions and family values. In general terms, I’m okay.
But I’m not.
I don’t know why. It just happens and it’s been like this for me for a few
years now. I’ll be driving and suddenly a knot clogs my throat and I can’t help bursting
out crying uncontrollably for about a minute or […]
I wish the angel of death like the one off the American Horror Story tv series existed, just one kiss and your free.
I am so desperate to go now, I can’t fight myself anymore, I can feel the desperation constantly rising in me with the more and more I think about being free. Free from the pain and suffering of my health problems and the feelings of guilt and burden that I am becoming to my family.
I did have a plan in place on how to free myself but money has now become an issue and I’m going to have to make a new […]
I know I’m young
Only 16
But there is so much pain
Can I handle one more day of this?
I’m all alone in this.
One more day of…
Abuse
Depression
Anxiety
Never being able to be heard
Its like I’m in the ocean…
Only an inch beneath the surface
Fighting for a breathe
Only to be pushed down further and further…
By the waves of eternal rest…
Take me into your gentle caress
This is the final step.
I was doing Carbon Monoxide in a sealed tent underground… I was just passing out and I crawled out and realized looking at the sunset… I want to live as much as I want to die… In other words, when life gets fucking hard I want to die as much I want to fucking live!! I fucking screamed and broke down. Every muscle in me was aching was saying what’s the point? Every muscle in my fucking body was telling me to stop. Every in me was telling me to stop and give up. And I said I can fucking do it… I know there is […]
Why do I need to disappoint every single person close to me?
My boyfriend broke up, and I still don’t really know why
My friend is totally angry with me again
I’m not able to comfort the friend most dear to me but instead he’s got trouble with his parents because of whom? Yeah well, of course it’s been me… Just as always I did my move of destruction.
I fuck up in school
I’m extraordinary unfair and mean to my parents who actually probably just want the best for me but are just putting way to much pressure on me and want me to […]
Hello to all,
I don’t pretend to know anyone’s situation or desire to end their life. What I do know is that I have lost many close friends to suicide and that during several low points in my life I have tried to kill myself at least a half a dozen times. These were not cries for help on my end, and I totally went for it with the most purpose driven determination possible. One such attempt put me in a coma for several weeks.
So I can definitely offer advice, empathy, and even sympathy to anyone who may need someone to talk to. I don’t and […]
I have had a yr thus far and fear the future. To start i have been struggling with depression since i was ten with the death of my father. It has been a process to cope this many years. Now more than ever i feel closer to death. Just two months ago i was involved in a near fatal.accident with family members. We all survived but i feel as if apart of me died that day. The worse part was my grandmother died earlier that day and we actually were leaving her house just minutes before crashing. I have been set back not only finically […]
I’ve been pretty close to killing myself more than a few times lately. I set a hard date of Nov 1st, but what usually happens is I get too emotionally and physically exhausted to carry anything out. (I have fibromyalgia, am always in pain, and with the misery I can feel emotionally, really am not able to do shit.) Then when the super moon happened, I felt energized by it and wanted to die under the intense energy of the powerful moon and for real could not find a rope rated strong enough to hold my fat ass to hang myself.
I have everything in the […]
“There’s no way you are depressed, you look so active and talkative.”
“You’ve got a whole life ahead, you have a good life so I can’t find a reason why would you be in so much pain.”
These are the words that have been told by my parents for countless times.
I’m 22 years old girl in the eastern region who’s studying in the medical field. On the outside, I used to be a happy-go-lucky, active and energetic person, but deeply I knew that I worry a lot and have a turbulent mind. I always get easily surprised and overwhelmed and my heart […]
I am coughing up blood. I don’t know why or how, seeing as I haven’t even really attempted suicide in awhile, but here I am coughing and vomiting blood. It’s not that I ate too much; I hardly ate anything. Maybe my body is finally ready to die. I didn’t even have to do anything. If I had known that just giving my body time to really fuck itself over would fuck me up this bad, I would’ve stopped attempting suicide years ago. Hell, maybe there is a God. Well, as much as I’d love to tell my parents that I’m really fucked right now, […]
Slowly but surely… I’m crumbling. Piece by piece, I’m being destroyed. Sometimes I think about the past and it makes me wish I stayed in that place. Now I’m back in my own Hell. One of these days I will have enough. I wonder when that will be?
I’m sorry… I’m not your hero anymore.
i wish harry potter was real , i wish fantastic beasts were real , i wish magic was real , i wish magic really exist , i wish wizards were real really exist
i wish harry potter was real really exist , i wish fantastic beasts were real really exist , i wish magic was real really exist , i wish magic really exist , i wish wizards were real really exist
because reality is boring , mundane , and limiting limited
because real world is boring , mundane , and limited limiting
because real life is boring , mundane , & limited limiting !
reality is all about MONEY !
real-life is all about Money !
real-world is all about Money !
Life is boring , mundane ,
movies is better than reality real life real world !
novels is […]
What Kind of Title Will Accurately Describe This Feeling I Have in the Pit of My Stomach?
There are literally no words to describe this god awful feeling I have in the pit of my stomach right now. It’s the kind of feeling that you don’t really know how to describe. Do I want to punch somebody in the face? Do I want to punch myself in the face? Do I want to cry? Do I want to go out on an “angry run”? Do I honestly just want to sit here for hours and stare at the wall and do nothing? Do I want to do anything productive? Who the hell knows. All I know is, I hate feeling like this.
I […]
I have two people in my life that I love with all my heart. One as a friend and one as a romantic interest.
I cannot put in words how strong my love for them is.
But they barely notice me. I don’t think they even remember my name. Yes, I’m really insignificant in their lives.
But whenever I see my romantic interest with someone that can make them happy in that sense…
I feel happy for them, but it hurts so much.
So much.
I love you both so much, why can’t I tell you? Oh yes, I’m scared you will stop talking to me. Even if we barely talk.
It hurts […]
My story is quite long, posting for the first time here, but been here for some time.
Hi. I am 19 y/o boy, straight, white, from a good house. Everyone in my family have good scientific degrees, my aunt is a scientist, my father is an engineer and mother is very important persona in cultural areas of my city’s culture. Why am I writing this? My whole life is a constant pressure from my parents and family, all of them had or have successful life, all of them completed good schools and have very respected work positions (lawyer, scientist, engineer etc.). My family was constantly repeating […]