I am planning on ending it in a couple of weeks or so maybe more or less depends when I get my house in order I am a 20-year-old seeking someone to talk about life and philosophy with and share and enjoy my last few weeks and leave in peace
No, the pain of not getting to go out when you wanted to is not as bad as the pain of losing someone you love. No, you don’t have the right to act as if these small things you call “first world problems” are as bad as it gets. There is a fine line between inconvenience and pain. Between a small glitch in a normal to semi good day and having to refrain from the extreme urge to kill yourself. I’m so young, but I could swear I’ve felt the slits of the blood sea’s razor and have checked into hell too many times to […]
Sometimes I wish I could put the mask away…but it’s become a part of me now…and I can’t take it off…
Have you ever been asked that question?
“Are you okay?”
And always answered…
“I’m fine.”
But what you really want to say is…
“I’m not okay!” “I’m depressed!” “I’m suicidal!” “I’m lonely!” “Im dying!” “Please, help me!”
But you can never get the words out.
Its like somebody’s choking you…forcing you to bottle it up inside…Keeping you from breathing…refusing you salvation from these miserable lies…holding you prisoner…and shutting you down ultimately…… 🙁
There wasn’t a time I ever didn’t feel depressed. Even with the cocktail of drugs I’m always on. Everything hurts. I miss my dad. He killed him self 5 months ago. Today is my turn. I’m just done. A lot of people say it. Because it’s true. I don’t want to draw this out. I just want to say I’ve been hurting nonstop for 17 years and it’s gotten to the point where I just can’t be bothered anymore. I love my pets, and I feel they’re the only ones who will honestly miss me. Well, I know of about two people who will. But […]
I’ve put up with these painful esophageal spasms for some time. Cannot eat or drink without painful spasms, chest pain and aspiration. Been to specialists but no one has any idea what to do.
Secondly, been homeless for a year now, living in hotels, friends and my car. I’m 56 and really a battle with everyday life. Tried intimacy the other day and that didn’t work. Had been abstinate for nearly 4 years and what a let down for both of us.
I have my ‘exit bag’ ready always available in my car. Going to a different hospital today and if no answers will end […]
This one I have been thinking about quite a bit lately… Though certain things that are good happened this year. 2016 was mostly shit as far as me being emotionally, mentally and physically healthy.
It makes me wonder on why god is letting me live like this and being extremely miserable and unhappy with my life. It made think about the 3 times that I tried to take my life in the past.
The first time I was 13.. I was being severally physically and mentally bullied in school for a variety reasons by some of my classmates. It was suppose to be a prescription drug overdose.. […]
I have been struggling with depression for the last 5 years. I think I always had depression tendencies but I started a treatment 5 years ago. I remember since I was a kid I have been thinking of how to suicide. I tried to do so in 2016 and it’s still on my mind and at the moment the only thing that “motivates” me is to know that I have a bunch of pills ready to be taken with alcohol. I have studied how to do it, how pills work and react to have success. Is that crazy?
It’s funny how when people know that you […]
sick and tired. thats what i am. stupid me for breaking down at school and telling the school guidance counsellor about my plans to kill myself. right back to the psych ward is where she took me. i cant believe i cracked, i wish i didnt. now im here against my will for who knows how long. im so angry. so angry and tired of people making my hospitalisation for wanting to kill myself about them. “dont you think about your impact” yes, of course i do. but do i care? i dont. im so numb and sick of people telling me it gets better […]
Hello everyone! I am a father (non-custodial parent) of 2 boys. For the past 8 years I’ve spent fighting I. Family court to advocate for my equal parental rights, as to ensure my bond with my children….Long story short…I lost. The mother proved to be to manipulative. Its funny because the more I fought to be in my children’s life, the more she fought to keep me away. There is really no way I can at this point, classify her as a human being. I’ve had countless, never ending, suicidal/homicidal ideations and the emotional Pain I feel is beyond this world!! To describe my pain […]
I am still here.Same old me,same old sadness that takes away every atom of my energy,same old mind that tells me i am worthless ,same old mirror that shows me all my flaws .Scale still defines me ,every bite tastes like misery cos it screams :”FAT!” . I am still here and i have no f clue whats going on.
I have hit a dead end. I don’t have the strength. I have been crying recently so much, my eyes look like as if I am having an allergic reaction. In a nutshell I have authoritarian racist judgmental parents that abuse me verbally, even at the age of 19; I finally found my soulmate but instead of being happy I have doubts in my head and he can be mean sometimes; I hate myself, I have zero confidence, I believe I am worthless and that no one cares about me. For the first time ever I cut my leg twice within the past months. I […]
Don’t get me wrong had a brill day lots of family time and fab gifts, I feel bad complaining as some of you guys have spent Christmas alone or had no family to spend time with etc, but my health condition has been threatening to put me in hospital again over the last few days and I can’t stand it anymore! It feels like I’m constantly being tortured.
I planned to commit suicide after the Christmas holidays so now I just got to get through the next few days of visiting family without ending up in hospital or try ending it too soon around them just […]
Well, I almost did it. I was crossing the line before the part of me that hates me stopped me. I deleted my previous posts about my intent for suicide because I felt that they were stupid, childish, poorly written and whatever else negative the other me wanted to come up with.
Anyway, I’ve been depressed for going on 5 years now. Long story not-so-short: my parents have had a volatile, explosive, violent marriage full of mistrust, lies, paranoia. My dad is a HUGE guy. Not in the fat sense, in the could crush a train between his fingers sense. So when things got physical between […]
What if death were beautiful?
What if we knew what was on the other side of the wall that blocks us from seeing what reality is like after we die?
Or if there is a reality at all.
I wish I had the courage to part ways with this physical realm, and venture into what comes after this. I have had enough of this place, this hardship and this torture.
And sometimes I think differently. Sometimes I want to see what happens next while I’m still here, rather than what happens after I die. Life can be beautiful as well, but my own mind is the villain in a […]
It’s funny, families and friends of suicide victims always say “I wish I’d known,” or “I wish they’d said something.” But when you reach out there is no one there to take your hand. They are so consumed in their own lives to take notice of overt requests for help. I reached out, without saying specifically why I needed them here but made it obvious something was very wrong, and got back only “I can’t, I’m too busy.” Fortunately for them, I apparently have a high tolerance to Valium, muscle relaxers, narcotics, and a mix of other stuff because I still woke up this morning.
At night I turn into something else. no matter how good my day was I find a way to completely destroy it all in one single night. Im scared. Im so scared. Last night I hit and destroyed someone, again. suicide is all i can think about. I want to leave. I don’t want to live this life anymore. The more things fail the more I just realize I should kill myself. I feel like I’m running from my self but I can never get far enough. I have so many reasons. I’ve tried to kill myself with less reasons so why shouldn’t i be […]
Been very depressed. Few months ago I was called a bottom tier ****** by my fiances father. He doesn’t believe that we should be together because of my skin and social status. He also hit me and I feel so angry and low that I allowed him to get away with it. I’m a professional guy but he still doesn’t like me. I left a good job because I thought I found my dream job. But it’s been total Hell here and my boss is constantly demeaning me and making me feel stupid. I generally get along with people but she contsrantly degrades me. I […]
Sometimes I feel like smashing his face in.
I am thankful, and of course I respect and love my parents. But he has the worst temper and I fucking hate how a bad mood makes him become like a completely different person. I’ve never been close to my dad, and it’s only recently I’d decided to open up a bit more, but his shitty attitude whenever he gets annoyed really does me in.
He just takes every single wrong thing out on you, and it makes you feel worthless, useless, and just all together fucked up. The worst part is he doesn’t even realise what he’s doing, […]
God. I can’t believe I actually fooled myself into believing that I have friends again. I swore to myself that I’d never let myself fall into this pit of nightmares again, but I actually thought that I was cherished and valued by my friends. They only want me for my homework answers. I don’t blame them for using me; I undeniably deserve that much. I am just displeased/filled with an eternal rage for myself for actually thinking that it would be different this time. It’s not going to be different until I either fix myself or off myself. I can’t keep complaining like this.
No […]
The pain never ends. I take the pills I had to fight for, I use all the techniques I’ve been taught over the past 7 years since this began, I surround myself with things I love, and distract myself as best as I can.
Still, it’s there. Eating away at me, at my resolve, my very soul. I want to die because I cannot live. I couldn’t finish school, I can’t work, but I’m “not fucked up enough” to get on disability.
I’m a burden and a poison to everyone around me, no matter how much they deny it. I see the effect I have […]