For those who have survived suicide.
I’m not sure if anyone remembers me, because I only posted two times. But here I am again.
To catch up on my life currently, last August (august 1st 2016) I tried to kill myself, on July 29th I posted my goodbyes to the world on this site. Thankyou so much for the kind words that night. And well I took the pills I had (all but like 5 of them, because I ran out of water). And I lied down on the floor to die.
And yes, I did take enough to kill myself, and I would of died if I didn’t call 911. I don’t really want to go into much detail, but my thoughts exactly was “I’ll call 911, and I’ll die in the ambulance, I don’t want my sister to find me dead” At that point I was not thinking straight, and was stumbling around. So it was about an hour or so after I took the pills, and I called. I wasn’t able to walk downstairs and open the door so I woke my sister up to do it. When the EMT’s got to my house, I lied. I lied so hard to their faces. I told them I only took 10-12 pills oh god little did they know. Eventually I was getting transported to the hospital, and as soon as I lied down in the ambulance I fell asleep. Apparently half way through the ride they realized something wasn’t right, and I guess they turned on the lights. Something was wrong with my heartbeat (no shit rly?! I wonder why)
I woke up around the time they wheeled me in (just a little bit tho) and they had me change and stuff (I could barely stand up) time passed and I was asleep, they forced me to drink activated charcoal (long story about how they got me to)
then I went to In-Patient and RTC treatment for three months. I did have a weekend where I got out, and posted something, but that’s another story.
I got out and I wasn’t doing so hot, but I pushed through, even when I didn’t want to. I caught up with my school work ( I even got ahead) and I have a job (I’m 16) my boyfriend, ended up breaking up with me ( I don’t really blame him) and then we got back together about two months ago. Personally, I think I’m gonna breakup with him for other reasons (no hard feelings, it’s long distance)
And now it’s summer again, and hopefully this summer will be so much better. I plan on it. I’m going to camp in a few weeks, and my new best friends birthday is on Saturday. Things do get better. And key advice I would give anyone who is going through stuff, is that You are the one who changes, it is your choice to stay suicidal and sad, and it’s not always easy to not go down that path but it is definitely worth it.
I’m glad I can sit here and say “I know I won’t kill myself, and I know I won’t die till I’m old”
thankyou to everyone who ever tried to help me, it means a lot.