Suicidal Survivors

For those who have survived suicide.


I’m always being compared to my sister/ being left out

August 24th, 2016by GerbzBaby

In my family I’m the oldest of my two sisters (we are going to call them:) C and A. C being the first at 17 and A being the second youngest at 15. Me being of the age of 18 you’d think I wouldn’t be compared to my little sister (in this case my sister C)… But I am… A lot! I’m never just “Amanda” I’m just “C’s sister”.

“Oh! You are very shy compared to C.” “Your nothing like C is!” “You don’t look like C or A at all!” “You and C have nothing in comman.” These are just the few I can think …

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It will never get better

August 20th, 2016by Goneandforgotten

Two years ago I tried to kill myself. I had been in therapy for over a year before that and it did not help. After a hellish week in the hospital, a 10 day outpatient program and 3 months of twice weekly outpatient and continued therapy (still going) things were “better”.

But they weren’t. I have put on a facade for so long that I don’t even know who I am anymore. After my attempt I promised my kitty I would stay here for him. He died July 6th. I was in a newish relationship with someone who I really liked, and he could not handle my …

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August 20th, 2016by anothernoone

First time posting here.

I’ve been, I guess you could say “actively suicidal” in the past.  Perhaps not currently.  But, on some level, I’m always thinking about it.

I feel tired.  old.  most of all, worthless.

I’m not who I set out to be.  I was reading someone else’s post on here about how it could take just one big thing to fuck up your life forever.  and yeah.  but, breaking it down, it’s probably not one thing or one event, but a whole series of things over a whole series of years.  or you hit so many setbacks, fallen off the proverbial horse so many times, you …

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Scared to Live, Not to Die

August 19th, 2016by FlaminJoy

Ever since I was a little girl, living was an issue. I’ve wanted to die since I was 8 yrs old. My mother was/is evil and doesn’t have feelings like most people do. Common traits of a Sociopath; she would have a lot of sex with a lot of people just so she could feel something… Or at least I tell myself that’s the reason why. She married my dad while she was still married and had 2 sons with someone else. My dad didn’t know, but her first husband soon found out and divorced her. My dad in turn raised my two older brothers …

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Why Do I Do This

August 13th, 2016by justonemorecut

Why? Why do I do this to myself? Why do I keep making myself suffer? Why don’t I have the courage to do it?

This is my life and I can do it if I want to, I’m tired of people saying don’t, I’m sick of them telling me to stop being so damn selfish and to think of others. Like I’m a person too damnit why cant they think of what I’m going through, Why cant they see the pain I see why do they have the strength I don’t have. Where the hell am I supposed to go a damn hospital doesn’t help I …

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There is nothing more for me, need the end to set me free. Trapped in myself, body my holding cell.

August 10th, 2016by fadetoblack

I met you in my junior year of high school. its been almost 7 years since then, and exactly one month now since I last saw you. From the moment we met I knew there was something special in you, it didn’t take me more than a week to confess my love to you. From the very start I knew you were the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, you were just different than everyone else. Even after you moved away for school, I was always there when you needed me. I was in a dark place when you moved …

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My Soul Flies (And Fly It Will)

August 6th, 2016by Counting The Days Until I'm gone

Trapped inside this ominous receptacle,

Eighteen years, eight months, six days, ten hours, fifty minutes and forty seven seconds beyond my best before date,

I stand hollow and cavernous-as the wind cascades itself amidsts my masts, creating sweet tunes and great form;

My eyes have been spectators to such mesmerising beauty, humbling devastation and horror;

My ears have beared witness to great orchestrated melodies, profound speeches and bone wrenching pleas for intervention;

My skin has felt the sweet caress of a caring hand, the firm- corrective thump of life, the allure of a sexual pulse and the sterility and inamimacy of iron.

My heart has endured the thrills of young love, …

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This is where my life ends, Tonight

July 29th, 2016by Sach77

I’ve been on this site for a awhile now, but I just created an account and I guess this is where I’ll send my goodbyes to the world…

The past three days I was supposed to commit suicide. It ended up not happening, it almost did last night but my boyfriend ended up just talking to me like usual and I felt guilty for going to leave and have our last conversation be so boring. the two days before that I had set every detail in place, I’ve cleaned my room to the T and printed out all my suicide letters. I finished a lot of …

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You are loved

July 25th, 2016by honoringtrent

This is my first post, though I’ve perused many over the past few months. I have found a lot of comfort here, but have also felt so much despair seeing so much pain put into words.

You see, I was shocked and blindsided by the loss of my husband, the father of my children, my life partner for 11 years, my best friend, to suicide on June 13, 2015.

I plan to post more at a later time, but felt incredibly compelled to post this now…. You are loved.

I don’t know you and you don’t know me, but I hope you read this (yes, I’m talking to …

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Life after Hell is possible

July 18th, 2016by pinkcoconut

Hi all.
Just remembered about this place in a melancholy moment.
I’m doing ok. Was very suicidal for a few hellish months a year and a half ago.
I’m not suicidal now. I think about self harm occasionally, but I manage it – I don’t act on it – I do something else, like arrange to see a friend. That used to sound stupid or unthinkably difficult, but I’ve done lots of training of myself to get to a place where I’ve got habits.
My life is not perfect and I did have a shitty start in some ways, but in others, my world is amazing and I’m incredibly …

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I think I’m going under…

July 15th, 2016by xashlerzx

I need help… I need to feel something again other than pain and sadness and heavy hearted. I’m falling apart and no one notices anymore because apparently I’ve been become too good at hiding. Ironic really that the only thing I’m good at anymore is hiding how I really feel. 22 years of doing it though, I better be fucking good at SOMETHING.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me… Why can’t I ever enter into a relationship where I’m not used, betrayed, or abused? Why can’t I feel happiness again, but REALLY feel it? I smile at my loved ones, I

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July 14th, 2016by CARLOSPEJUAN

I feel tired. And it’s no loner a lethargic exhaustion. It is no longer a physical over exhertion due to the lack of calories. I just am tired of everything. I am tired of being the wierdo in my family, friends, at work, and everywhere I go. I am tired of trying to make everyone laugh and happy, and then being called annoying and a fag. I am tired of doing things for people that have and will never be retured. I am tired of people hating me, for being slower than them. I am tired of not being able to unlock my full potential …

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I want to to tell people my story, hopefully it helps someone find hope

July 14th, 2016by JamalK02

So, I used to be a lowkey, small time drug dealer in the biggest city on the east coast. I’ve lived in the hood all my life and who I am is simply a product of my environment. One of my first drug deals was to some tall white kid who wanted a dub of weed. I could tell he didn’t do this often, he used as much slang as he could and even tried to sound “black”. The problem was that this kid wanted to meet at a train station and i didn’t have my metrocard. I hopped the turnstile to get to him. …

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I’m lost

July 12th, 2016by poetn.url

Hey, I’m a girl, to be perfectly honest I’ve tried everything on getting better at doing life and all I end up is putting myself into hospital and hurting people around me. Yes I want to die. And yes I wil. One day. I’ve ended up here seeking help, so who knows I wanna find […]


the first time.

July 7th, 2016by catsnap24

15 years old. in the middle of another scorching summer there was a heavy weight over my head. something dark pulling me under. i had soon seemed to notice how i didn’t want to do anything anymore and i didn’t know why. i myself at the time had a girlfriend, a best friend, and a few other friends a sibling and 2 parents. but as some people know its not because of them. i was always quiet when you first met me, it was till along time when i would finally shine for the true energetic person i am.  but that year i had chosen …


I Feel Depression Coming Back

July 1st, 2016by GerbzBaby


( Inspired by the beautiful animated films by Miyazaki. I present a drawing of Totoro and Catbus! Enjoy<3)

I’ve been happy or.. At least carefree for a while even though I barely had any communication with anyone for the past months.. I started to feel strong, like I could do anything and honestly not give a sh*t about what people think.. But all of a sudden i feel my depression creeping back up on me. I’m scared. I don’t want to feel depressed anymore. I WANT TO BE HAPPY. But how can I be happy when I have …


Four years ago today !!!!!

June 29th, 2016by noneedforaname

Hello to old friends and new. As you can see im not dead or in prison which i guess is a good thing. ( depending who you ask ) i haven’t been on in awhile, trying to be strong for eveybody else lmao. Anyways i do pop in to read post now and then but had to post today. Like many people, this is my vent. I get a lot of good advice, kind words, and a whole lotta ” shit ” off my chest. Its been 4 years today that GOD took my oldest son. He was 21 …


Is it my fate? (part 2)

June 27th, 2016by Gypsyguy93

In my last post I talked about my ex-fiancee (gay male) who committed suicide after we broke up four years ago, I think if he knew how much it would hurt those he loved and left behind he never would of done it, but then I also understand that the pain he was going through in his mind was intolerable to him and he just wanted the pain to end…

I didn’t know my ex was suicidal, we had been together for a couple of years, I know he had PTSD and Anxiety, but I never knew about the depression…. before we broke up he cheated …


First time on here..

June 26th, 2016by Tin_Cup


Y’all can call me Tin if you’d like.

My story and why I’m here?

Well, I was a victim of a very violent form of abuse. My father, a drunk sadistic bastard, would beat my brothers and I. Though I was left without an escape my brothers could run to school, as I was only 4 through 8 at the time.

My mother was framed for abusing us when we were young. I was 3, and my brothers were 4 and 7. Our church were the ones who framed her, and lied to DCFS which led to our being taken away from her.

I suffer from a form of PTSD, sort …


rewind for the weekend

June 24th, 2016by forward

weekend, more like a week now, that i have been in the same mood, state and motivational skill as i did last month when i swallowed pills to kill myself.

i dont know whats going on.

ive been a victim of depression, anxiety, PTSD and SAD for 2 years now, and yet i still have times where i dont know how to fight it.

i want to tell you that i will survive but i feel id be lying.

this week, the week after fathers day is the worst relapse ive had in a long time. I’m barely eating, barely drinking, not sleeping, im cutting again, im smoking way …