Eat. thats all what i really want to do right now. I dont care if its leftovers and i dont care if its cold. I will fucking eat it. I have a serious problem. I thought i was doing so well, but i guess im not. v- v I thought staying in my room will help, but i guess it didnt work for awhile. i barely ate anything today, so thats a good start i guess. Im trying to lose weight. and even if i do i would never be happy about my weight, NEVER. I been thinking about killing myself by drowning. It […]

I love you..

I miss you..

I want you..

… Is it just me?

Am I just losing my mind or

Is it something else?

Everyone just tells me

“You have a life to live”

“You just need to fulfill your potential”

“You’re not working hard enough”

Even my older brother, in his own strange way, is pushing me.

They’re pushing alright…

Pushing me closer and closer to the edge.

I have one step towards the psych ward and the other towards the cemetary.

I hold on for others, but I’m so tired…

Just give me some time to sleep

Help me

Save me

From my downward spiral

Into a neverending pit

I’m scared to live

Scared to die

Scared to fail

But I can’t seem to succeed…

My smile is warm

But my body is […]

Everything i do i get depress. I dont know why and i dont know how. Right now im just sad. I dont feel very good. Ugh i think im going to throw up. Im at my auntie’s and i guess im babysitting. Ain’t life the greatest. Having fake happiness and smiles on your face. Thinking everything is fine when its not. Always looking down and just walking away annoying the people who call out my name. I dont mean to do that but i guess im not in the mood to talk or anything. Ugh i feel like im going insane. Getting mad over the […]

I’ve just rent a helium cylinder, made my hood kit, the only thing left is to go to a motel and die peacefully… BUT now i dont know if this is really what i want to do. I’m sick of living, dont want to work, study, date, ANYTHING. The only thing holding me right now is my mom, who loves me, but i’m sick of living for the others… 🙁

i’m actually going out for the first time in like 2 months. like a proper night out in birmingham, lol. so i guess thats something good. i wasn’t going to, but thought i’d just get up, so i’ll get ready in a bit, actually made a cd for the car too, who knows, maybe it will make me feel better. but just thought i’d share that something positive had come from this site for me, so hopfully it can for all of you too.

I keep telling myself that not everything is so damn complicated, not everyone is going to hurt me.

“They don’t think the same way as you.”
“Just fucking grow up and trust.”
“Why the fuck can’t you just be normal?”

I try, I do try to convince myself that not everything has to be so… This. Complicated, hard, stressful, mind-numbingly stressful. But no, still I make it more than it has to be.

“He obviously knew I’d be asleep when he called me on Skype at 3am. He just wants to hurt you and make you feel guilty.”

“They’re ignoring you, just face it and move on. […]

hi frnd i am not happy to my life so i want to die ,i m grl who never keep happy to any bdy (nor father ,mother and no my husband)……………i wnt to just die

Thank you… Thank you for telling me what i did wrong. Now i know what i can kill myself about over the next two days while thinking of a way of making it up to you. I’ll keep your word when you said Good Bye. And sorry to argue, but no, it wasn’t a lie, every word i said was true. And you can trust me. Yes, I am still dieing of your exact words “bye daniel.” I love you and I always will, but now its my turn to say, you know where to find me. Even if you forgive me, I can never […]

Trust…

Do we have that?
Do you trust me?
Do you BELIEVE me?

I cry and soon after realize that well.. It’s my fault.  My ex’s were right.  I am a screw up.  I deserve to be put in my place.  Every time they put their hands on me and left a mark to remember each time… I deserved it.  Every cut of mine is a memory.  Every scar of mine is another fucking memory.  I understand I’m not pretty.  I understand that my body is just… Horrific.  My mouth should be kept shut… My hands kept to myself.  I shouldn’t speak when you speak.  I shouldn’t […]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUkHkyy4uqw&feature=player_detailpage

I was suicidal years ago..and thought it was gone for good.  I’m 3oish  now and it has returned.  I have found that I can not be Independent.  When faced with making friends,  I must be  too self infatuated to make any.  Isolation has destroyed me.  It has beaten me, I put in such a good fight and sustained my body and mind for so long…or have I.  I smoked so much weed during the time I felt I wasn’t depressed…just vegged out and played video games.  These addictions only covered it.  I must have been depressed this whole time.  I just found a way to […]

My depression is turning to anger pretty fucking quick.  My parents weren’t home last Friday night, so I spent my time screaming and lashing my arms with my belt.  School is almost out for the summer, and I’ve just been hoping someone would fuck with with me so I could just beat the shit out of them.  I just want to punch them, strangle them, and beat them within an inch of their life.  Depression is getting boring, so this is some sort of relief.

I’m a piece of shit freak and nothing but that, so why get depressed and cry like a pathetic little bastard. […]

Its hard to endure anymore disappointment, just want to sleep and never wake up but there are people who will suffer. Pain will be had by too many. Can not cope but how can I leave her. How selfish must I be to consider the end. The end for me is the answer but how can I make her suffer. She has a life to live hopes and dreams and keeping a brave face is too hard. Hard to pretend your happy when you don’t want to wake up. Its too difficult to stay but harder to ruin someone else.

Remember the movie Forest Gump? I used to watch it all the time when I was little.

I remember the part when Jenny was going through her drug stage and she climbed on top of the ledge of the skyscraper and thought about jumping off.

I remember climbing on top of the tv when that scene came on and jumping off of it into the bed.

I didn’t know back then that Jenny was contemplating suicide, I thought she wanted to go skydiving or something. But it felt good jumping off of the tv onto the bed when I did it. It made me crave for higher ledges […]

As i sat outside after hearin her tell me she loves me it all felt right… then i come back in to hear her on the phone wit another guy and all she does is laugh and giggle and said she cant w8 to go to the park with him and that she loves him :/ she says he is just a friend… but thats wat the last two said and not even a week later they up and left me for them >< and idk if i cant take that pain again.. im thinkin i should just end my life before it happens and […]

why do movies always have perfect endings? Why must they always give false hope that the person watching will have that fairy tale moment? Why must they make someone think that mabye this or that will happen if I do this or dont do this?

Just let me die.

Don’t ask why.

Just let me die.