Would my landlord be mad if I did the equivalent of this, just inside my apartment? Hmm…
I did not made it to the plane. Before of it, I had been accommodated to the psychiatric station which is locked.
Forced to either take the medicine and to stay for longer, to have the medicine injected and to leave after 4 hours on the 4th day, 1 day before the flight or to stay probably forever with no medicine of the neuroleptic kind.
They are tricky, but it feels rather that I am given the riskless, everything is dangerous but won’t kill you kind of reality. I had to take the medicine and right after, I cried. I hate who I saw in the […]
Everyone keeps trying to reassure me. They keep saying it will get better. What they dont know is i feel like i gave up. That feeling of trying to fight something for so long and then just one day you say f*** it whatever i dont care anymore. Why am i still bothering ill probably never know. Whatever makes them happy at this point i guess.
i just had the worst anxiety attack of my life, everything is hurting, i can’t focus, everything feels too bright.
i’m slowly going insane and i can’t do anything about it, i can’t fight it anymore.
it’s not even depression anymore, i want to bring that ***** down with me.
yang shang qing huh?
I feel a void in myself. I feel so numb lately. I’m missing something from my life. Life feels so empty. There’s no excitement in it for me anymore. I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately. I just feel lost. I’m not happy or sad. I just feel emotionless and I think that’s worse. Although from a former perspective I should feel sad but I can’t even shed a tear some days because even that’s too much work. Just one tear today and it was from looking at a beautiful picture someone had taken and posted online. Maybe it was a reminder of what […]
I finally found the power within myself to kill myself soon.
“I was broken from the inside.
The depression slowly chipped me away, finally devouring me.
I could not beat the negativity.
I hated myself. Even though I tried so hard demanding my memories that kept getting cut off to ‘wake up,’ all I got in return was silence.
I‘d rather stop if I cannot breathe.
I asked who could be responsible for me.
You’re the only one.
I felt utterly alone.
It is easy to say “I‘m going to end it.”
It is very difficult to actually go through with it.
I’ve been struggling through the difficulty.
I told myself that it‘s just me wanting to run away from everything.
It’s true. I really did want to […]
That pain you’re feeling is real and valid. It doesn’t mean you’re weak. No one has to earn any sort of “right” to feel how they feel. And, no one has the right to tell you what you feel is wrong, or that you should hide your tears. Every day, is a fight to live. It takes a great deal of strength to feel. I won’t be shamed into behaving as if everything is okay, as if I am not breaking.
What kind of person criticizes you for finding it difficult to ask for help, emotes anger and frustration with you for not coming to them, then rejects you when you finally work up the courage to ask?
And, if you have the nerve to remind them they said you should ask, are offended that you would bring up something like that and throw it in their face to make them feel bad.
What kind of person accuses you of expressing genuine pain as a means of hurting them, instead of asking you what’s wrong?
People don’t ask for help for the same reason they don’t seek love and […]
I thought heartache is just a song
I thought heartache is just an illusion
But now I understand
It exist..
There is this pain and tingling sensation
In the center of your chest
It feels funny and hurt
At the same time
I know the problem is myself
Its in me inside me
I want to be loved so bad
Thats why Im giving my love purely
But im ended wounded
I do often wonder if I’d want to live if they would go away, impossible to tell I suppose.
I so sincerely regret not dying six years ago. No matter how I’ve felt or what I’ve done in the past six years, there’s not a single day where if I was offered a pill to instantly and painlessly do the deed, I wouldn’t have accepted it.
My only question is if I’ll still be saying this six years from now. I surely hope not.
its 1am and im just. really fucking struggling. i have two weeks left until my first semester of college is over and i want it to be done now. i was home for thanksgiving and have to get up in 5 hours to catch a train back to school but id literally rather die. i feel like i have nothing and no one to live for; my future feels bleak and everyone around me would surely be better off eventually if i were gone. im so fucking miserable all i wanna do is lay in bed and cry and self harm and listen to music, […]
I am sorry.
I am sorry that I am a burden.
I am sorry for all the problems I cause.
I am sorry for not being what everyone thinks I am.
I am sorry that I can’t be happy.
I am sorry for everything I did.
I am sorry for everyone that I hurted.
I am sorry for everyone that I will hurt.
And I am sorry that I will not be present when you‘ll need me.
I can only hope there’s some version of me out there who wasn’t taken from her dad when she was 2. Didn’t grow up always wanting to go home even when she was there. Wasn’t raped in 5th grade and been praying for death since 8th. She didn’t go on to destroy every relationship she’s ever been in. She’s still married now with a daughter named Belle, because she actually met her prince charming young and healthy. God listens to her prayers but she doesn’t go to church much because her life is happy.
I’ll just sit here crying endlessly hoping there’s at least one happy […]
I think my life had an expiry date. It was long ago. I’ve gone off, become sour; nothing is as it’s supposed to be. I’m the forgotten milk in the fridge, the leftovers left to mould in the oven, the forgotten tin in the back of the cupboard. I’m existing because I haven’t died yet.
I cannot see a future. Sometimes I imagine it, make it up in my head but it feels like a story. It has an edge to it, like it’s CGI in a fairytale film.
People would miss me if I die. If I was able to disappear, it would ruin people’s lives. […]
i want to take another walk to the bridge…..
Did you ever notice how there is never a right time to take your life? There’s always a family occasion, celebration or anniversary, and now with Christmas just around the corner the timing for my suicide couldn’t be worse. I don’t think I can hang on until January. Christmas brings out the worst in suicidal people, it highlights the abnormality of your life compared to the normality of everybody else. One thing I refuse to be is the guy who took his life without giving his family adequate warning. I’ve actually asked for my family’s permission to end my life so there will be no […]
Why wont he say im a problem. I know i am. Im not stupid. I tried to jump off a bridge to think im not a problem would be stupid. Please just say it and ill be gone.