Sometimes its best for them if they dont know. They dont need to know im suicidal again. He doesnt need to know i tried to jump out of a moving vehical. He doesnt need to know failing that i tried to cause an accident to make him let me go.

No one NEEDS to know.

When you reach your last day on earth and you look back at your life, does it seem strange that this is all there was? Working every day, feeling exhausted all weekend, going back to work every day, paying bills, doing all that god-forsaken math to balance your budget, with brief moments of spontaneous enjoyment like little rays of sunshine piercing through an otherwise stifling room? Well, at least you got to stack some boxes every day at work for 25, 30 years, and at least you got a change of scenery every time you changed jobs or got laid off. At least you got […]

I had suicide ideation now for a good year now. All I see is darkness and nothing else. It feels like I am alone and that no one is ever there for me. Ever since my EX broke up with me I felt my whole world becoming filled with more and more darkness. It’s now gotten to the point i cut my wrists on a daily basis to try and get rid of my emotional pain but it doesn’t seem to work. I also tried to take up alcoholism to drink away the pain but that didn’t seem to work either. Now all I see […]

I cant say much because I dont want to label and pinpoint people I went out shopping grocery shopping with mother and had a horrible day I want to get a New PTSD diagnosis from doctor for heavier meds Ptsd and just plain peace of mind Just so much rage and Hate towards my father and his side of the Family their super super Mexicany Here in Cali we call em “Paisas” Well im more of a Alternative chick with ties to gangster guys then theres the mainstream crowd the Young Mexican crowd doesnt like me, And I dont like them………………    Not at all […]

My life is a mess. My father is an end stage renal failure patient, detected in the month of August 2016. Since then i don’t know where my life’s heading. My mother is old and we all are living together in a place away from my hometown due to my job posting. My aunt stays with us too. I am nearing 40 yrs, not married and I have decided not to. My father has to undergo home dialysis four times each day. During my stay at office in the day, my aunt helps him, who is completely bed ridden,  to perform the dialysis. I return […]

I lost my youth.
I’m older now, while time eats away my energy soon it will consume my fate.
Life doesn’t teach anything. Only death speaks truth. Brings emotion that’s beyond life itself. I envy the dead. There is no righteousness or reason to abide by morals in this common Society.

Dont do this/dont say that, right and wrong, good and bad.
Let’s not censor the barbaric nature of humanity for it is, who we are. Always have always will. The only way to get you’re point across is to be violent.
Yet words can be just as dangerous, sadly it cant defend you […]

My heart was broken again today. I can’t believe I’m back to this shit again. Why do people play sick love games and lie to each other. We all complain about being so lonely all the time and try to find these connections and acceptance, but we don’t. Why the fuck is that? Our world has never been full of so many people; Technology has made it so simple to communicate across the fucking globe if we so wished. Yet still, we can’t find not one person that accepts us? Why not!?

We are too busy judging one another and setting these ridiculously high standards; hating […]

My life has gotten so fucking terrible lately, it’s funny just because of how ridiculously horrible it is. I’m finally ready to die, and have figured out a way to kill myself. I don’t think I’m gonna make it to the year 2020, and everyone else would be better off without me.

I know people would miss me and cry over me and shit, but I hold everyone back, and that’s just a fact you can’t avoid. I have suffered almost every mental illness that exists, and I feel like I’m in a point in life right before death: I know I’m about to die, so […]

you say you do, but you put my step and half siblings first. i was gone for 18 years. you say you love me. you say you thought of me everyday and yet i havent heard from you in over a year. not a hi or how are you. NOTHING! oh well. in the meantime i got married and bought a place. but you dont know anything about that. some dad you are. so excited to message me when i turned 18 you couldnt even wait 1 more day. you messaged me a day early….well…where are you now? sending your girlfriend to do it? really? […]

If I went back to who I was, what is the worst that could happen. The old me was so happy just living. Yet for some reason i’m scared of being normal again. It’s been years since I was happy just being alive and going through the motions of life. Then it took one girl to unravel my life, that’s bullshit and I know it. Still there’s something holding me back…

For a while, I was becoming something. I was becoming somebody that my Mother could be proud of.

For a while.

Now I am working towards nothing. I have become a fucking loser, a waste of fucking space, a fucking burden. And I have nothing to fucking live for, yet I have convinced myself that I do not want to kill myself. I spend all fucking day at home shooting the shit, pitying myself for what I have fucking become. I have become fucking worthless.

I want to just go. I want to go as far away as possible and keep fucking going until I find the farthest […]

Yes EVERYONE. Including YOU. I don’t wanna hear “I don’t hate you” or “I don’t even know you” cause it’s all bs. I know you enjoy watching me suffer on the TV. Don’t think I haven’t caught on that my life is a TV show where whoever is running my show pushes to make me as miserable as possible, sometimes beyond the point of suicide. But of course I survive because if I died, you’d have nothing to watch.

Are you enjoying watching me suffer? Does the mere thought of everything that’s happened in my life turn you on? Obviously it does cause I’m still suffering. […]

I’m just bored. You know?

I knows it sounds stupid, “I want to kill myself because I am bored.”

I also know it is always more to it than that. I have a 4 year degree in psychology.

I want to get my masters, but I have to pay off the state from my previous failed attempt at a Master’s before they will release my transcript and allow me to try again.  One of thousands of dollars I owe people.

That’s the thing. I fail at everything. Well, not really. I don’t fail…I quit. I am a quitter.

I just can’t do things. I can’t stick with things. Either chronic […]

I came back to this site saying I just needed to talk. I wasn’t going to do anything, but I that I did feel like dying again. I have a plan to revisit the issue when I am 50. I don’t want to leave my daughter or my husband. But…

There is always a but…

I’ve been planning again. I’ve been wanting to get my stuff together. Wanting to have everything ready – just in case.

simply fed up of my life dont know why im living this life its meaningless no one there to care for me…no one to share feelings….no positivity in my life

The thing is, my whole family’s depressed, and has always been depressed, for as long as I can remember. It’s just that I can force myself to function more or less to the standards of the outside world, where they don’t. I can drag myself to work, I can take a shower if it’s a weekday (and I have to go to work). I can slap on a smile and strike up a conversation. Sure, I can’t do anything else–can’t buy food for myself, eat, cut my hair, clean, read, pursue a hobby, buy a phone, or do anything other than shut down and become […]

Rivets smash. Most things break if you smash them hard enough. I smashed 280lbs of glass today. I will do it again tonight. That’s the best part of the day – the smashing hour. Tempered glass goes “BOOSH” when it smashes. It’s the greatest sound in the world. If I could find a job where all I had to do all day was smash glass, I’d take it in a heartbeat, even if it paid minimum wage.

I feel so tired. I have little desire to get up in the morning. I have little want to go to campus. I have little desire to do anything. I used to enjoy weekends. Free time was nice. Now all I do is lay in bed. I do nothing. I feel nothing. I’m so alone. So bitterly alone. It hurts. I don’t know what I want. I feel like my luck has run out. There is a cathartic feeling to it. I’ve always been waiting for it to happen, and […]

I really thought I was finished with these feelings. I thought I was finally doing good. People say I now have the dreamjob. I thought it was myself. But now I’m realizing how it’s locking me into a position with no ability to escape when I feel like shit.

Not sure what I wanna do with this life. It’s so pointless… Now I’m gonna start making money, but instead I have no time to spend that money on the things I like. The things that require time…

And on top of lack of time. I also miss a girl. This is gonna be a long winter…

I know that they are getting tired.

Tired of me.

Eventually, everyone will get tired of me.

The time is coming.

This is all for the best.

It will hurt, but it is better this way.

They don’t need me.

When everyone will get tired of me.

I will finally be free.

I feel it.

It’s coming near.