what my math teacher wrote on my math test, which I got back today with about a 70%. a couple days ago I got a 52% on an english quiz I didn’t know we were having for the reading I forgot was assigned. he’s right, of course, because I usually pay attention pretty well no matter how wrecked my mental state is. he is right because I can do so much better. I have had straight A’s all year, but this term I’m just hoping against hope to pass. it’s not even that I am doing that much worse than I have been, it’s just that […]
After a long time of planning and wishing for death,
after a long time of procrastination. I might be ready to go.
My conclusion of life right now is looking to be that, I had a chance.
I had a chance to be happy, successful, have lots of friends, and have a good life. I tried, I shouldnt feel bad if I failed at the end, because I at least expressed what was in me to the world. It just happened that what was in me was not good or compatible. So in a way I did my part.
1996: “Psst. Can you keep a secret? I’m never going to die. I’m going to live forever.”
2006: “Psst. Can you keep a secret? I’m going to die one day. But it’s going to be a long, good life.”
2016: “Psst. Can you keep a secret? I’m going to die soon. But I don’t want to.”
I am a waste of life. I am oh so tired. I’ve been away for a while but now I’m back. This weekend my flame will finally burn out for good.
To my father:
I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough. I love you.
To my mother:
I’m sorry I couldn’t your get acceptance.
To my sisters:
You are absolutely strong. Great mothers to your children. One day you will all make the man who chooses you very happy.
To my brother:
My closest friend. My confidante. The bond between us is something that can’t be broken. I will miss you brother.
To my daughter:
I love you. I wish more than anything that has ever been or ever will be how much you mean to me. You are my miracle. A promise to you that I would never stop being here for you. One […]
Life – 567,983,122……. Me – 0…. That’s how many times I’ve been kicked in the balls, it’s a rough estimate of course but I don’t think I’m off by much, just something else taken from me. Not another child or grandchild this time, another business, apparently I’m broke more than I figured and business partner and friend has been selling off equipment, and the rest is on it’s way. We never even got to get things up and running. $150,000. Worth of equipment has been sold for close to fuckin nothing, and all […]
I haven’t cried in years, I’ve lost count it’s been so many, it’s not that I don’t want to cry but whenever I’m in a situation where I would cry I just can’t. I got a cold recently though and it’s causing a slight irritation in my eye and I found out that under the right conditions, bright light bulbs and a breeze, it will make my eyes water. Obviously I’m not actually crying but the feeling of tears rolling down my face makes me feel good. Like somehow a weight has been lifted. The same kind of feeling you get after you finish crying. […]
I’ve been on SP for a few months now and one thing I’ve noticed is some people stick around for a while. …others just post once or twice and poof, they’re gone. Maybe things got better or they just got bored or dead. Who knows. I always have the hope that things got better but when I found this place I was not in a good space in my head. I guess I wanted to say thank you to anyone who’s spent the time to chat with me about anything. I appreciate all the words and music and art. We have a good group going […]
Couldn’t help myself tonight. That picture was so beautiful I had to paint it.
Thank you for the beauty. Hope work is good. Monday. Wow.
So I had a relapse last night. Ive struggled with heroin addiction for about ten or twelve years.
So I scored last night and the dealer accidentally gave me double what I asked for. His fuck up right…. good for me right…..
No. Not good for me. I had this messed up reaction. Ive od’ed a few times and just passed out. But this time I stayed awake. It felt like my heart was stopping. My breathing was getting shallower and shallower. Vision blurred and body was trembling all over. This is it I thought. Im going. Next comes eternal darkness. I was […]
I been cutting again I dont know why I thought I stoped but all of a sudden the razor blade was in my hand and I mad three small cuts no biggie. but becuase my body was acting before my brain I cut deep I was wearing a cardigan and I soaked the inside of it with blood . today I woke up to the devil yelling again Im shit Im lazy worthless I using her for money I am taking advantage her ……..I dont want me kids to be them wich I never said out of my mouth only on sp so What the […]
Ground zero. My optics aren’t good. Police looking for me. Now it’s do or die. Do to die. No backing out now. Only matter of time til there on city wide manhunt. Fuck. I needed one more reason.
20H41
I almost posted some metaphorical thought based shit. Decided nah, fuck that. I ramble too fucking much.
I almost posted some deep internal , dump my heart out shit. Ironic I’m not really comfortable with that. Besides so many new faces, filling in the back story… fuck it.
I almost posted a funny ass song, well, I think it’s funny. I kind of over did that though.
So, here’s Twiztid-Darkness. I like the song. I like the video. It’s not overly goofy, or too deep to me. Just posting up to post up. Thinking on getting blitzed wasted tonight. I haven’t tasted booze in 7-8 months. Haven’t been […]
Man oh man I surely miss those times before I was born, felling nothing, no hunger, no thirst, no emotions and times flew bye so fast don’t you think guys ?
So yeah I really want to go back to those good days, I don’t want a paradise or hell, I don’t want to be conscious, maybe because I fear to see my family from the otherworld.
But jeez it is so tempting, the good old days, jokes on me if we live again the same life.
so yeah, loosing it soon as time goes bye and as the gun locker laughs at me.
If anyone wants to know […]
Every night as I lay my mind and body to rest, I pray the angel of death to greet me. Every morning I am stricken with the remembrance of life. The pain and torture of my misery. Good riddance to those who hate me. Hello to those that have left. Goodbye to all the rest.
Hey guys,
My names MyDestiny but you can also call me Rob if you want as it doesn’t matter to me. I found this forum just the other day and thought it was quite an interesting place with nice people sharing their stories so i’ve decided to put mine out there.
I gotta say it feels really weird to tell anyone about how i feel since in reality nobody suspects a thing is wrong and i never speak much of how i really feel to anybody. However i do feel that my friends (The only two that i have) may be catching on a bit […]
I have a good bottle of whiskey next to me. A glass to pour into. A pack of Marlboro reds. Listening to the sound of silence creep behind me. I remember calmly, the sidearm I was issued. I remember the one I purchased.
The chair is a blatant discomfort to my body. The air around me is becoming harder to feel in my lungs. The decadent ways of the reaper appeal to me. Swift. Sure. Calculated. An indifference rises in my mind, but I am quick to cast it. I can’t live like this anymore.
So familiar and overwhelmingly warm.
Spiral out
Lately I can’t stop feeling like this world is such a difficult place to be in. Obviously, it is, for like 90% of people. But, when I say it, I think so deeply about it. The overpopulation, unemployment, homelessness- so many good and intelligent people with no place to sleep, let alone work. And then I am here. Not necessarily privileged, but certainly more than many, having had a good education, enough money, and a place to live. Is that fair? Do I deserve what so many people could only dream to have.
I complain about this life, my life, and I can’t stop the misery I get […]
Still desperate to die.
Why won’t they take pity on me? Oh god please do one good thing for me and kill me.
I’m pulling the plug in 9 days and to be honest, not entirely regretting it. This is the first time I’ve had control over anything and it’s nice. I mean, it sucks, but in the end, maybe this is for the best. For me. For everyone . Because this is not a disease. This is a result of just not feeling anything but pain. Pain that no one should have to endure.
I searched for 6 years for someone who cared. It took me maybe a month to drive her away. If I could just have one thing before I die, I just want to hear […]