I am Me. Thats all I have ever wanted to be. But me being me has never been enough for anyone, ever. Silence calms me, the dark sings lullabies til I finally go to sleep. Sometimes, which is most of the time….I truly have nothing to say to you or anyone and it never bothered me until it bothers everyone else. I have been apologetic, bothered, disturbed, mute, sad, angry, hurt because of your own feeling of being unnerved by silence. I welcome it and want to go to it.
Tag:
Silence
Lyrics:
So many feelings
Pent up in here
Left all alone, I’m with
The one I most fear
I’m sick and I’m tired
Of reasoning
Just want to break out
Shake off this skin
–
I can’t escape myself
–
All my problems
Loom larger than life
I can’t swallow
Another slice
Seems like my shadow
Mocks every stride
Can I learn to live with
What’s trapped inside?
–
I can’t escape myself
–
So many feelings
Pent up in here
Left all alone, I’m with
The one I most fear
I’m sick and I’m tired
Of reasoning
Just wanna break out
Shake off this skin
–
I can’t escape myself
I can’t escape […]
If each cut could speak. If each scar could scream. They’d tell you the reason their there. Upon my arms, legs, stomach hips…every part. They’d tell you it’s for many reasons. Memories of the abuse, the rape replays in my mind. Voices shout say it was my fault…that I should abuse myself. Maybe I’m so use to it, that it’s the one thing I know well. My reasons..are one to many. Abused, pain. anger, hate….some even a suicide attempt or two. But there are a million reasons, if only they could speak…they’d tell you
I’m in a fairly blissful mood atm. Its probably the chicken wings. The game is about to start. Im semi rooting for Carolina because im in South Carolina. I honestly could care less though. I just hope the Comercials aren’t annoying. I’m in a pretty zen mood. I usually post when im suicidal. I figured I’d post when I’m not. Ive been through to much not to enjoy the peaceful moments.
Hi.. I am MrSilent. There is not much to know of me so I won’t bother with the details. I will give a very broad background of why I have chosen this name..
For years and counting, I have been silent. Silent of my emotion, silent of my thoughts and silent of my life and it’s duration. Recently, I’ve stumbled upon this community. I thought it would be quite interesting to be able to speak through text.. I have much to say but I will save most for later if I am still living. There is not a doubt that I am slowly collapsing, so, […]
I’m beginning to lose my voice; not through a health condition or illness but because everything I say is meaningless…no one listens and I know deep down I’m not worth the time. I’m not funny and I say idiotic things, you’re suppose ignore stupidity right? I guess it makes sense now. I’ve been feeling like this hole in my chest getting deeper and deeper and I know it’ll eventually eat right through me till I’m completely erased. And to be honest, it relieves me. Maybe someday soon I’ll actually work up the courage to finally do it. It just gets so lonely.
It hasn’t […]
They’re so loud…the whispers of demons.
I can’t hear my own thoughts at times, and they think I’m just spacing out..going insane.
But when I cut, there’s just silence. It stops. As long as the pain is there, the demons stop. They hide in the corners of my mind, eyeless creatures, hypnotized by the taste of pain. But I can hear..I can hear my friends, my boyfriend, and I can put my mask back on and pretend to be happy again.
But when I’m sober, they’re so loud….the whispers of demons.
Silence is my insanity,
Mother, Mother, stop beating me.
Silence is my laughter,
Father, Father, don’t slaughter her.
We all make mistakes, We all make mistakes,
Stop all this madness and remove all the breaks.
Silence is my sanity,
So why won’t it help me?
Silence is the keystone in my life. It is the builder, the modifier, and the end result. It is the constant. It is a bit like Zero. Anything multiplied by It becomes It. It is undefined in division. It is the representation of Nothing, but It has more meaning than almost any other thing.
Everything returns to Silence. How can Nothing be so prevalent? How can Nothing be so important? Humanity chases the Silence of past generations and declares It history. Humanity chases the secrets hidden in the Silence of space. We always end up in Silence, one way or another. Perhaps It is the proper […]
I have been in a lot of abusive relationships, and until now, I’ve always been able to fight my way to freedom.
But now…
I’ve developed Conversion Aphonia… meaning, because of the trauma I’ve suffered, the emotional, physical and sexual abuse, my voice… will no longer be there…
I can’t speak. I can’t laugh. I can’t even try. No matter how much I try, my body will not let me make a sound.
What am I supposed to do now?
I’m sorry, mom
I’m sorry, dad
I’m sorry, friends
I’m sorry, Family
I’m sorry, body
I’m sorry, mind
I’m sorry, teachers
I’m sorry, voice
I have failed all of you at one point… or every day.
Mom: I’m sorry I am not like my brother, I’m not made of gold and jewels. I am not skinny, smart, good looking, or good at anything. I am sorry I am failing school, I am sorry you are embarrassed to call me your daughter. I am sorry that you are ashamed to be in public with me because I am not thin like all the other girls. I am sorry I don’t do make-up and my hair, […]
is satisfaction.
“I swear I hear your voice, it’s driving me insane”
Some days are better than others. My bad days though, they shatter me. On my bad days it feels like somebody has opened up my chest, taken a handful of my heart, and ripped it out. Some days I don’t miss him, but when I do, my entire being misses him. He wasn’t just my boyfriend, he was my best friend. I know.. how cliche right? Well it’s the truth. He knew how to handle me at my worst, he loved me unconditionally and wiped away all of my tears. He took it when I screamed […]
Numb. Tears. Fear. Loss. Alone. Him. Gone. Stupid. Black&White. Sound. Betrayal. Silence. Eyes. Looks. Words. Judgements. Ache. Need. Dreams. Darkness. Where. Why. Please. Him. Him. Him, him, him, him, him, him, him…
Every night I lie down in bed and resolve that tonight I am not gonna sleep until i sort it all and find a way out. but within 15 minutes i fall asleep, and wake up next morning only to find that nothing is sorted and i will have to live another day in confusion and restlessness. I don’t know why I can’t accept the fact that there is no answer and all these are just excuses.
P.S. – I know there are people here who can’t get easy sleep. but as it is said – one doesn’t know the value of thing until its gone. […]
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety issues, as well as PTSD a few months ago now. I’ve had a doctor, a counsellor, a psychologist and a psychiatrist all working really hard with me to try and straighten some stuff out, and we were doing really well for a while there. I took all the meds, I answered all the questions, I attended every appointment, I talked, I listened, I did everything they all said. But I am so tired and so worn down, that I think I’ve finally had enough.
I cancelled my psychologist appointment this week. She is an incredibly talented woman, so good […]
(I) IS THE EGO MAKER the false self (i am just is) to write what 1 thinks dont matter anymore bcuz 1 knows it is in the being the silence of nothing that i find myself as free immortal love primordial energy although i have chosen to loose myself and be a trolling bstad to survive i get angry and frustrated from that bliss i used to be my heart broke this is what causes me to want to suicide and i am very capable as i have done it b4 and was saved i live for other 1s there attachment and love to me […]
Just waiting the sweet moment when a finaly get out of this place i just can remember or imagine i asked to be at.
Hoping that´s dont take to long.
Hoping that´s dont be with to much suffering, no because i´m afraid to suffer, in a fact is there something more painfull than be alive? This hope come from certainty all this is just a waist of time anyway.
When this feeling started? I just can´t remember and i dont even care about it.
Maybe in small things, small people, small everything…
Dead sweet dead, make no alarm, no sound, no signal… just come here and do your f…… ¨ […]
I thought I would be okay, but in three day’s time, I had another accident.
A few days ago, I slit my wrist up. Never deep enough to kill, but just enough sting to get the point across. I padded it up and wrapped an ace bandage around it, claiming I just sprained it. No one at work questioned it, my boyfriend didn’t say anything outright about it. It’s hard to keep things from him though. So I told him. He grabbed my wrist and took a glance. He said my name, which sounded so… Off. It doesn’t feel right when he says it. It […]
My heart needs refuge, my mind needs silence and my hands, my hands always empty, wishing one day they can enjoy the taste of affection.
I watch their hands interlock and I wonder if my hands are too small or too ugly to be held. Always cold, always lonely are the knots in my fingers making it impossible for them to properly fit. Do the deep honest lines cut like razors too close to your skin. I wonder, I wonder about all the moments they’ve spent lifeless and confused.
I place my heart in a jar and my mind just needs medication but […]
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