Every single day, a thought of me committing suicide or me simply not being here.. crosses my mind.
I want to obtain happiness within, but the darkness/sadness wins every time. It’s hard to walk up a very steep hill with 20tons on your back.
My thoughts are always with me, I cannot escape them.
my thoughts hurt me. actions hurt me. everything hurts.
I must apologize in advance, because I’m going to put a lot of videos and articles in this post and it will probably occupy a lot of space on the starting page of this site (needless to say, feel free to write your opinions about euthanasia in the comment section).
https://theconversation.com/separating-fact-from-fiction-about-euthanasia-in-belgium-58203
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3748787/Euthanasia-tourists-rush-Belgium-free-lethal-injections-staggering-2-023-medically-killed-year.html
https://newsmavens.com/news/aha-moments/2088/belgium-fears-euthanasia-tourism
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2018/12/24/brussels-denies-eu-rules-encourage-euthanasia-tourism/
And a PDF about euthanasia in Belgium:
Have you ever f*cked up a situation or friendship that you honestly believed was unf*ckable? That you believed was foolproof, with no f*ckabilty ratio?
I did that yesterday..and it sucks.
I just thought I could open up more, to someone I have been trying to open up to for a few years now. It is not a relationship, but it was helping me get through some things. I considered him to be a friend. And now he sees me as a crazy, depressed, hopeless loon; so I lost another friend.
Here’s to another birthday knowing that I should just keep my f*cking mouth shut when it comes […]
I’ve been feeling very badly lately, and it has been amplified by how others treat me, what they do and don’t do is affecting me deeply.
Lately, I’ve been in so much pain that I can’t seem to be able to verbalize my thoughts. I’ve spent too long being closed. I feel I haven’t had anything positive to say about myself, so I stay away from people. I also feel very bad about myself, so I avoid seeing anyone. I’ve been a recluse for the last few years, and because of my circumstances, I will never change back.
The only person who truly has […]
This is only my second post on here, my first post I wrote exactly how I feel and while doing this just desperately wishing I’d be blessed with a child and start a family with my boyfriend. But after one persons comment, I realised im not the only person whos feeling the way I am, upset about the things im upset about and feel helpless. Ive spoken to friends an they all have their own problems too, but what kept me down about myself is im the only person I knew of with my sort of issues and feelings. I hated it, but knowing someone […]
so today I woke up and wondered why should I …nothing for me to do I’m not making any money today I’m gonna cook and clean and get fuck so, I’m upset.. so when my great husband *sarcastically said * ask why I’m so upset I said do I have any reason to be happy… he said * now this was fucking rich * “try harder I’m not happy either i have no car no money you need to WORK HARDER so wipe that look off your face” I can’t even be upset when I want to how can I not be fake with […]
I feel like shit. I went out on a date with a man 13 years older than me and all he wanted to do was touch me and kiss me. I didnt let him, as a matter of fact I walked away from him and went home. He treated me like an object. Anyway, I come home and my sister tells me “please dont get upset but our sister in law was flirting with your ex fiance”. I didnt say much i just brushed it off. but my ex fiance was my first love, and i have always loved him till this day and its […]
so last night I posted that nights have been hard and days were fine with me. This morning I woke up feeling just as bad as I did last night and I’m upset that a good sleep didn’t help 🙁 also wondering how someone can cry for nearly 2 hours straight without running out of tears. Couldn’t manage to get myself out of bed for class so this sucks.
Do I remember everything from that night?
It scares me to think I don’t
What if more had happened?
It’s all just a blur
I lied about where he had his hand
It wasn’t on my hip…
But what if it went lower?
What if I don’t remember?
I was upset
I made a mistake
He offered me alcohol
And I got drunk
He was in his thirties
I was fifteen
And I don’t remember
All he did
C.K.
They say it gets better and I want to believe that. I have fought with depression for so many years I hardly remember before I had it anymore. Yes there are times when I dont feel like blowing my head off. But time after time the feeling comes back. It seems to be my brains “go to” thought whenever Im even the slightest bit upset. I have tried depression medication…. Many kinds…. But they dont seem to do anything for me but make me a tired zombie. I stopped trying to find one that works about 8 years ago.
My husband cant grasp why I feel […]
I’m just physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted almost 24/7. I barely have any motivation to do anything, not even to move around. It’s getting worse and worse, and I’m falling so fast it’s scary. It’s a struggle to get through each day. I don’t know what to do. I’m in therapy, I have resources, I have support, but…? I don’t know, it doesn’t help. Even now, typing this, my eyes hurt so much and I know I need to sleep but I’m too sad to move. There’s also the problem where I’m paranoid that there’s something watching me when I’m in my room at night […]
Why?
Why am I so unhappy?
Why can’t I appreciate what I have right now?
My dad still gambles. My brother still has a “don’t care” attitude. My mom is still always stressed. But my family isn’t what upsets me anymore. I’ve given up on getting better with my family. My school is the issue. I have friends and they’re amazing people, but for some odd reason I feel like crap. Is it because I can’t trust them? Is it just me that’s being bratty? The school I go to is a good school. Nice people, good education, pretty decent teachers. But I hate it. […]
So I was considering uploading a picture of some severe scarring I have. It’s not to show off or glorify cutting. I actually wanted to ask if anyone knew how to heal them (or if they could be healed) because like I said they are very severe and ask if people think it will majorly interfere with my life. I haven’t cut for four months but the scars still look fresh. I just didn’t want to upset anyone or encourage or give people the idea of cutting. Would this be acceptable? I’m not interested in causing problems, they are just a major source of stress […]
The latest in a series of shitty things that are happening to me is that my best friend has decided that she hates me. I had never shared with her anything about my depression until I learned that she had tried to kill herself and was put into a mental hospital, that was six months ago. Yesterday night me and her had been drinking, I told her I didn’t want to drink because I don’t like how she gets when she’s drunk. She didn’t listen and got very angry and upset. She wanted me to move in with her, but I don’t have the money […]
From the moment we met I knew I wanted to be with you
There was no one else but you
No one could make me smile but you
No one could take the pain away but you
These 4 years have been amazing because of you
But we have had some rocky paths due to me and you
Lately I have been feeling very low because of you
We have good and bad times because of you
When I have urges they are taken away because of you
I want to live because of you
All I do is for you
I try to be brave because of you
I don’t know if I would still be […]
I haven’t really gotten a chance to vent to others. Most of the time I’m too afraid to actually spill what’s on my mind to those closest to me, or my thoughts are too jumbled that I can’t really describe what I’m feeling very well so I have to brush it off and say ‘oh it’s nothing, don’t worry about it’ or ‘it’s a long story’. So when I saw this site I was pretty happy because not only can I actually say what I’m actually thinking without the fear of being stigmatized, but I can actually help myself cope by sharing everything that’s been […]
when i was here last it was my birthday and i was quite certain that it was my last day . a lot has happened since then that i think you all may find at least interesting if not useful. i was quite determined to kill myself-had the means, a location(not going to mess up my own home), wrote instructions as to what i wanted for a funeral, gotten my affairs in order etc. i wrote here, told everyone what i was going to do, then left the house. got to my location, sat down and wrote in my journal, called my (then) therapist leaving […]
So I need advice, to start off, I do cut. My mom says its because I cant cope and I think she’s right. When I get upset about something I go numb it seems like. I don’t talk to anyone, sleep, or eat. I tried crying, don’t do a damn thing. I cant cry to cope, so that leads to cutting. I’ve never cut to kill just to feel physical pain. I’d rather have physical then emotional pain. I’m addicted to cutting, like some people are to smoking. The thing that’s making me upset is a recent breakup, and my mom. My mom and I don’t […]
Been kinda upset recently. I have a friend who actually asked me on a date about 6 months ago, but never been in a relationship before I declined because I was scared and just don’t date people. I’ve kinda realized how good of a person he is and that I definitely do have a ‘crush’ on him, though I don’t know if I’m ready for a relationship considering how my last one ended. He’s literally a guy version of me but with better qualities personality-wise. But now he’s completely uninterested and moved onto better people, I guess. Like he definitely had a thing for my […]
I don’t even know what’s wrong with me. I get so upset over everything these days, when I’m at school I nearly start crying, I’ve been going home from school and haven’t been staying the whole day because I don’t feel like I belong. my best friend has just became my friend now because she’s started hanging out with a new girl and it doesn’t feel right. I just feel so alone and like I have no one.
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