Category:

Chronic Pain

Nothingness

by Virus.Found 1/4/2021

written by Virus.Found

This feels like a joke… My whole life has been a joke… My mother was to go away on a trip and it was cancelled over and over thanks to Corona. She was going in a few days and I had already planned my death.. Even if it wouldn’t have worked, I was at least going to try to end this misery. My mind is deadly, it’s making everything seem like it’s out to get me.

I had backed up our family photos on a cloud, which took me hours. Only so that my family won’t forget to do it after I’m gone. I take any […]

1/4/2021 13 comments

Pathetic Start Of 2021

by Virus.Found 1/2/2021

written by Virus.Found

I’m so very empty… For 4 years you had been my best friend. But I didn’t feel important to you for a long while. I’ve cried out, for more time with you, more affection, but no matter how often I did, you didn’t care.. you didn’t care enough.

I’m not a happy person and I need more than other people do. I’m sorry, I’m like this.. I really am. Telling you goodbye, was one of the most painful things I did this year already. Great start of 2021.. Now I see you removing everything around me, that had anything to do with you. It hurts. But […]

1/2/2021 0 comment

Happy new… Anything

by Virus.Found 12/31/2020

written by Virus.Found

I’m so tired of holding in 80% of my pain. Somehow others don’t notice the 20% I do show. And if I show more, no one wants anything to do with me. I mean, I get it. Nobody wants to hang out with a sourpuss, who ruins their happy mood. I’ve really tried my best. I did, lovelies. I can’t keep upsetting everyone for being too busy to give a fly.

So the solution is simple. I have to go away. I have to leave everything behind. Everything I’ve ever owned, been gifted or bought myself. And most importantly, the people I’ve constantly upset with my […]

12/31/2020 3 comments

Tired

by LostintheWreckage 12/27/2020

written by LostintheWreckage

I am so tired of

Doctors
Medication
Blood tests
Needles
Pain
Waking up in hospitals being told I’m “lucky to be alive”
Doctors telling me they don’t know why
Hospital food
The sound of the medication timer
My body surprising me with new symptoms and dangerous complications.
My mind turning into mush
Spending holidays in the hospital
Being poked and prodded by ppl in scrubs, talking in hushed tones, while the moniter beeps
Iv poles
Fighting to get thru work
Calling in sick to work
Having to fake it for the camera
Telling men on first dates
Telling friends I’m too sick
Telling family I don’t […]

12/27/2020 2 comments

I should feel happy

by biggestEnemy 12/20/2020

written by biggestEnemy

I should be happy, I know I should.

I feel lonely and tired. I have all the symptoms of serious depression I deal with daily for almost two years now. I fear that I will never be able to enjoy my life and to feel happy. I have all the things i ever wanted. I have beautiful and amazing wife, wellpaid job where everybody, including my bosses tell me how important I am and two amazing cats plus all the books I ever wanted to read. I have a great passion – my own music but still I cannot enjoy it because my feelings of anxiety […]

12/20/2020 0 comment

Northern Lights

by Once 12/16/2020

written by Once

She was saying something about something being “straight out of the dryer”, to noone in general. She was in the front door alcove of the hardware store, the one with the neon “Open” sign in the front window, right above the note that perpetually hangs there, reading “Had to leave, customer needed door fixed.” The neon sign is always on, even when they’re closed. Nothing she had just came out of a dryer. She was wrestling a large sleeping bag into a shopping cart, full of her belongings. Her hair, not quite shoulder length, stood straight out on the left side of her head. She […]

12/16/2020 5 comments

Mountains Be My Resting Place

by Space-Cadet 12/13/2020

written by Space-Cadet

I’m not sure what to do, I just want to die.

I’m being kicked out from the last family I have left. I escaped a four year, extremely abusive relationship, and begged to the last blood relatives I have for shelter. It’s been nearly a year since February, and they’ve decided I don’t “fit in with the family” and am “not getting better,” so they want me out. I have no health insurance, I’m on disability for major depression, BPD, and a myriad of physical health problems. I’m not able to navigate Medicare or anything, I honestly just have panic attacks when trying to do anything […]

12/13/2020 2 comments

Why I attempted suicide

by Thorium 232 12/12/2020

written by Thorium 232

This is my story about why I almost killed myself back in late November of 2019. Most of the time when we hear suicide we get this idea of someone doing it because they want “the pain to stop” or they feel that suicide is the only way out. Well, that’s not why I almost killed myself. I did it out of sheer guilt. A little backstory as to what lead to this was that I had a friend that I unintentionally made feel uncomfortable multiple times throughout the fall semester of my junior year at college. Nothing that I did was sexual in any […]

12/12/2020 1 comment

I feel so alone that nobody cares even if I die

by niki 12/9/2020

written by niki

My name is Niki Wonoto. I am from Jakarta, Indonesia.
I am severely depressed & suicidal. I feel so alone, nobody cares, even if I die.
I’m 38 years old loser & failure. Maybe better to just die.

12/9/2020 6 comments

Honey, I’m home.

by Once 12/9/2020

written by Once

It’s so incredibly relaxing to sit in the comfort of oblivion. So peaceful to adopt a who cares attitude. I am absolved of all responsibility.

I was searching the webernet for tips on trimming cat claws a few years back, and came across a video by an animal behavioralist named Dr. Sophia Yin. The video was good, her personality engaging and attractive. Intrigued by what she had to say, I searched for more of her work, and found an article detailing her suicide. In it, a co-worker and friend of hers spoke of her insecurity concerning her career. Even as her business grew by […]

12/9/2020 6 comments

(re posted) my attempted suicide story

by Thorium 232 12/1/2020

written by Thorium 232

12/1/2020 1 comment

Back again, seems it never stops…

by comfortably numb 11/19/2020

written by comfortably numb

I’ve been around the site for a long time now, but never really posted anything… Guess I never thought the point of it. (Reaching out) or sharing my feelings hasn’t been a strong suit being an introvert and all but right now I’m on the verge again… I’ve been struggling since a long time, first with autoimmune diseases and how I coped with it just so I can keep working since 4 years by abusing benzo’s .. trying to quit and ween off slowly now, but it’s hell. I haven’t been to work in a week(I hate it) plus the withdrawals are bad… I skip […]

11/19/2020 1 comment

its ironic i deserve to die

by icant8209 11/18/2020

written by icant8209

i am so afraid of death not really whats after it but the process of it and kinda whats after but my brain is just terrified of dying i think about it every fucking day and i wish i didnt. the funny part is that its the one thing in this world i deserve and i know it, i regret alot of things ive done and i know i deserve to die because of it. im so fucking paranoid all the time i cant remember the last time i havent felt like shit and everyone tells me its in my head and that this feeling […]

11/18/2020 1 comment

Show your care

by Virus.Found 11/5/2020

written by Virus.Found

Who else is actually not cruel at all, but wants somebody to feel the pain, that you’re feeling yourself.? Yeah. Me. I bet if people would know, they wouldn’t be so f@cking disgusting towards each other.

My posts here are most often about how hurt I am by the actions of others. Can somebody tell me, how I can start being more ignorant like them and be less affectionate.? I can’t see anything but cruelty. What have I said wrong AGAIN.? Most often, I don’t get an answer. I’ve stopped asking this a while ago and turns out people are fine with that.

Also when […]

11/5/2020 4 comments

Tortured… I know it well , Terry A Davis.

by TorturedAndExiled 11/5/2020

written by TorturedAndExiled

Ive been betrayed, abused, mentally fucked, cheated, lied to , spied on, stolen from, robbed of happyness and all my belongings, caged in psych wards, my entire life… But it occured to me, a few years ago… That I too, live in some kind of floating box CIA prison , the same as Terry A Davis claimed he did, and explained… For over 20 years. Even in my youth, people shit on me, talk down to me, betray me. .. fuck me over… The suicide attempts, the depression, the pain i went through, the betrayals…. I never knew I lived in some kind of prison […]

11/5/2020 0 comment

Emotional pain is destroying my heart

by uglynbroke 11/5/2020

written by uglynbroke

My past is full of horrible memories. I am mentally disabled and many people took advantage of that. Many people did absolutely horrible things to me, such as sexual abuse and bullying and got away with it. I wasn’t even aware what was being done to me. Now I am older and understand how things work, I just can’t let go of the things that happened to me. I deeply hate the people who did this to me. There is no way get back at them and that’s why I have cptsd. I am in deep emotional pain and stress.

This stress is fucking up […]

11/5/2020 5 comments

I said a lot, they said nothing

by Virus.Found 11/3/2020

written by Virus.Found

Fact: Nobody likes a downer.

There’s just so much I don’t share with people. I could do way worse, than budging every once in a while and sound like a total pessimist, especially badmouthing myself. And if I ever do, people probably think, I’m being dramatic. Well, if only you could look into my head, you’d know that it’s just an inch of what I’m feeling daily.

I can’t pull these ridiculous jokes anymore and act, like everything is alright. I just can’t. Do you ever send something depressing to your ‘friends’ and go to bed and think: Shit, I’ll probably regret this tomorrow. And […]

11/3/2020 3 comments

People always tell me that I’m privileged, spoiled, and have a good life, that I should be grateful. But what if that is still not enough? What if I want so much more in life?

by niki 11/3/2020

written by niki

I’m an idealist. I have big dreams, and even visions to change the world. But sadly, in reality, there are still so many factors that limit me from achieving all my dreams. Instead, here I am just being another normal, ordinary, average Joe on the street that just only do mundane, boring, & meaningless job everyday. Even worse now, this all has led me to experience an existential crisis (or existential depression), that honestly, now I don’t even have any motivation, or basically zero energy to wake up every morning, because what’s the point? What is the point of living, and what is the purpose […]

11/3/2020 6 comments

I’m tired

by fadedobscurity2 10/30/2020

written by fadedobscurity2

It seems to go in a bitter, vicious cycle. I take meds. I get better. I run out of meds. I don’t have financial resources to pay for the meds. I find the resources but not before I’ve “detoxed” off of paxil, buspar and doxepin. Not pleasant. Then the cycle starts over. During the time I am “detoxing”, I usually try to call it quits. I push my family further away. I retreat into myself. I haven’t worked outside my house in 3 years. The cycle starts over. I’m tired of this cycle. I want out, I want it to end. I am […]

10/30/2020 0 comment

i haven’t been present in my life

by lostcase 10/26/2020

written by lostcase

-tw ed- it’s been a long while since ive been even aware of my life, i literally just seem to be floating around.. my eating problems have gone through the roof and body dysmorphia is eating me up.. i cant seem to think beyond my reflection and even when i do other things im just suffocating. i cannot walk without feeling every inch of my body its killing me.. i go from days without food to multiple binging and purging sessions and god i feel so disgusting to purge in public bathrooms. im literally a mess but i go out of my way to hide […]

10/26/2020 0 comment

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