General

Nothing brings me happiness. Only my ex did, when I was with him in real life.
Going to sleep nowadays scares me because I keep having nightmares about my dad (again), even though it’s been nearly 2 years since I left him.
I’m super unproductive now. I don’t really do anything except eat, drink, shower, sleep, and fumble with my phone and laptop, mostly doing random google searches and playing a certain video game.
I feel like I’m whinging. I probably am whinging. The coronavirus stuff isn’t helping either.

I got guns in my head and they won’t go, spirit in my head and they won’t go.

For the past 2 weeks, my anxiety doubled, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat well.
And I’ve been thinking a lot lately.
It keeps coming to my head, I just wanna cry and let it out most of the time.
But I can’t, I don’t know why.

I’m at the edge.
I always ask myself, “Is it okay for me to give up?”
“Is it okay to just rest?”

I’m tired.
My body is and my mind is.
Talk to me?
’cause these thoughts are killing me.

I always think that I’m hard to love but they said it’s not true
When I think about it deeper, yes, it’s not true
But the truth is, it’s hard to stay — in love, or to stay in general — with me.

Do you know the song of Lorde, Liability?
I feels like that most of the time
I’m a little too much for everyone/anyone to handle.
I tend to push them away and shut myself out from the world.

I want to disappear but at the same time I want to lift myself up from this darkness.
Can you help me?

Suppose for whatever reason you decide that you’re not ready to end it yet. But you’re still filled with an overwhelming sense of the futility of living. You’re still in pain, and that seems likely to only get worse. You’re still completely alone, and unable to see any possibility of meaningful connection. It still feels clear that you would be better off not existing.

Are there better ways to manage that feeling? So that it consumes you and tortures you as little as possible? I’ve been trying/failing for the best part of 12 years now.

Some random responses that come to my mind:

Mindfulness/meditation – to try to […]

Why? Well because I won’t be around very long for me to even bother creating a connection with anyone. All you are is a coworker….nothing more. It’s not that you’re a bad person or that I find you annoying. I don’t think I’m better than you or anything like that. I just know myself too well. I know I’m too broken inside to allow myself to partake in companionship. I truly believe this and so you won’t see me making an effort to sneak a joke in or start a conversation. It honestly feels foreign to me. You see I’ve been broken for a while […]

Im 18 now, and that’s a big thing. Its big boy time, and im not ready. Get a car, pay for insurance move out, fix the energy crisis, have a family, be supportive, go to college, pay taxes. You know, big things. The issue is, how is a small thing like me supposed to deal with problems so big I cannot see them up close? What the hell do I have to do in order to continue as I am, rather than what my environment and my situation demands me to be?

i dont validate my mental state. i dont believe i deserve it. my life wasnt that bad. it could have been so much worse. why am i so bad off right now? i want to let him rape me. i want to let them beat me. i want to deserve where i currently am. things should be even. i dont deserve my current problems, they outweigh the cause. im weak. i cant handle life.

I’ve always wanted a tattoo. I like the art and design behind it. The fact that a person commits a part of themselves to a specific design is really cool to me. I have a few ideas already. I like geometric shapes. Weird illusion designs are neat, but I don’t really like them when they are plain black ink. I want it to be more colorful, to make it pop. I saved a tattoo that looked really cool, but it made it seem like the skin was kind of rolling back through blocky shapes. Like you were […]

I just want to kill myself… It’s all that’s ever on my mind, but my mind is too lucid right now. It makes me realize how selfish of me that would be.

After everyone’s helped me through so much. Now it’s my turn to help them… but, I still feel like I need help, too.

So much responsibility has fallen to me. I guess in a way it always has. But in the past, I always felt easily replaceable. If I didn’t get her from point A to point B, then surely someone else would. Or maybe it would prompt her to get her license. Back then, […]

I took like a duck to water to the work of the film Director Ingmar Bergman some years ago. Everything I ever felt about life, particularly the way I see things was there in his movies. Suicide was mentioned, in both his work and life, this drew me closer. He recounted a terrible tale in his autobiography which I think is very applicable to anyone on this site who might be holding hope in psychiatric help, it certainly would of helped me. In 1976 the Swedish authorities arrested Bergman on suspicion of tax evasion, Bergman had a breakdown as a result and was admitted to […]

Reading so many of the posts here one thing that seems to be a common thought process is that most of us realize that things will get better even if we can’t see it right now. We also realize that they won’t always be good.
I think that’s the issue. We know we have to go through pain over and over again in life and it’s unbearable to think about. I don’t know if the good is worth going through the bad.
Some have depression times longer or worse than others. Some last moments and moods switch, some last months or years with only small […]

Which is nice. I’ll leave this for folks who would just like some music.

Sand so hot on my feet.
You will never be mine.
I’ll meet you anyplace.

I’ll never find your garden.