General

Don’t know why I’m back here. Couldn’t tell you. Haven’t used this place in a long ass time. Haven’t even looked at this place in a long time. I know I will find no satisfaction from coming back. I probably won’t be using this place consistently. I remember I’d come here to vent and check to see if I get any sympathetic comments or advice. It took me a while that it makes no real sense to try to look for sympathy from people who hate themselves as much or more than I hate myself. It’s just […]

Fuck expectations, man. Don’t expect me to fucking be happy, don’t expect me to fucking look forward to things, don’t expect me to fucking be motivated, and don’t expect me to want to live. You criticize me and wonder why I am the way I am, but you also choose not to understand why I am who I fucking am and how it got to be this way. And if I want to go as far away as possible, don’t fucking worry about me. I am my own fucking burden, don’t try to be there when it is too fucking late.

I’m trying to find an empathetic group / place that empathetically supports suicide. Maybe that’s here? I know, I’m ready … I’d like maybe a couple tips or feedback on method. But I don’t want anything else. Does that happen here?

Seeing them all waiving at me cheerfully as I stood there to receive my tax consultant license. I have passed the exam and gotten my license. They were all clapping and joyful. The only thoughts in my mind is that I have failed. I am a failure.

You should have told me from early on that I’m a have-not. Perhaps then I wouldn’t have lost so much. Perhaps then I wouldn’t have even tried so hard to get cum laude on my undergraduate degree, pass my certification exams, obtain my license. What is the point of all if in the end I am and will always […]

how were you guys diagnosed? all the signs are there. my parents don’t give a fuck they just think im crazy. I also don’t wanna take crazy amounts of pills. I thought i could handle it all by myself, but im going  fucking insane.

What made you self harm?
Have you stopped? Why did you or why didn’t you?
Ive been looking at my scars a lot lately and i just questioned myself on how this all got started. I’ve been thinking about harming again mostly because everything feels a little different.

Really struggling to not take drugs or drink. Often when I’m sober it feels like I’m dying inside. I’m recovering from trauma from narcassistic abuse, sexual abuse etc…I often feel so close to giving up but I don’t want to. I want to find my strength and to become my own person. Have my own personal boundaries and to actually have love in my soul. I’m broken.

I broke my 20 days no fap streak which was the longest I ever managed to go without jerking off. I did it because I was trying to solve this math problem for school and I could not fking focus at all I was so restless I was standing up from my chair and walking in circles more then actually doing math… Fuck. I feel no energy and no confidence now.

Its just fked up. Either I jack off and then Im like a walking zombie tired and depressed all the time and also I cant look girls in the eyes or talk to them confidently […]

I have people wanting to know why i want to die and why my mind is a mess. i already explained why i am depressed. i gave you my somewhat background. I don’t want people to know who i am either. So this is my situation…

My summer was great not going to lie, i had everything. Yeah i still struggled because i still struggled with self-harm and depression, but i was proud of myself and happy in June and July. i had my boyfriend, best friend, and i even had a job. My junior year i was in the mindset of not having on because […]

Since it seems I’m not going to be ending my life (at least for the time being), that leaves me trying to improve my current experience. I’m just not sure how. I’m so tired, afraid, isolated, despairing, full of self-hatred etc. Then there’s all the physical discomfort I’m in. I just want to zone out and totally disconnect from reality. But I can’t. If I’m going to try and survive, I need to find some way to function.

But I don’t know how to do that without making myself feel worse. There always seems to be some reminder of my inferiority, my worthlessness, how hopeless it […]

Hey. its been a while. not really.. but whatever. I uh.. am going to end it. im sorry. my name is not j****n. its k*i I uh..Im not a girl. im in the wroung body. i love you guys. Hey um.. Connor? I love you. Please dont end it like i did. Ill see you soon enough.
I love all of you, my Irl friends, my discord or insta friends, the despair discourse cult on insta. I love you.
heh. on the news, they will say something like. “11 year old killed herself” or whatever. i dont care anymore.

love you all,
cry.

I know it is time. My best friend’s elderly parents moved in and there is one too few rooms. He would have a better time if I left. At least easier. My other closest friend doesn’t strike me as the type that will be too shook by my departure. My degree program requires constant use of stimulants just to barely get by and I can’t fight my depression so hard anymore. It is becoming Adderoll resistant. I’ve had migraines for years and the worst recently lasted weeks. I just need to get my affairs in order, make sure trash is cleared out and my things […]

I am 16 years old. To you i will most likely seem like a typical depressed teenager. Maybe that is in fact the case. All i can tell you is that i feel like i am different. And i like being different.

I am not searching for somebody to tell me it gets better, to go see a psychiatrist or take medication. I don’t want that and i’m sick of reading it. I just want to feel like my world is bigger than it usually is. I want to feel insignificant, that anything I do wrong is not a catastrophe and that anything i want to […]