i might have hypersomnia
How… how am I supposed to continue? How am I supposed to continue when all of the sources of life that I had have all dried out? Point? What point? We live and then return to the grave. I’ve given a soul when no one else has rather than going along with it like everyone else, and now I see there was no point to a single thing we did. It was just a grade. A class. A diploma. A job. And now? Now it is a grave. I’m six feet under, but apparently I’m buried in glass because no one notices. Not a single […]
And right now im in the perfect position to just watch myself fall……..i wonder if ill jump this time.
(To future me when i read my old posts) im currently in the position to convince my husband to leave me because of the “abuse” and my friend seems to barely notice me anymore. “I swear i still care” then stop playing your fucking video game and prove it.
A bit of background on the video game thing. All of my exs ignored me. They were either ignoring me to talk to their friend or play video games and HE knows this. In fact when i was with […]
Not suicide related
I volunteer at a shop (unpaid) and it tends to get quiet and I have nothing to do, same with the other 2 women who work there, they mostly just stand there chatting. I guess according to the manager woman I’m meant to stare at a wall and do nothing instead of being on my phone. Oh I guess it might be because she senses that I’m not rich like her and can’t afford to go away every week end interstate. Lol that’s absolutely great for you if you can do that every weekend, I’m happy for you. Want me to help out? […]
idk whats wrong with me. no matter what i do nothing is good enough. I have a d in calc and im questioning gender again and march 15 is coming up. i planned to die two years ago on that day and fuck. everything hurts and i wanna relapse and i’ve lost all motivation to stay clean or do anything and fuck. i just want everything to be over.
Ever have these (VERY) rare days, where you’re actually all cheerful and think, today is gonna be a good day? Well, fuck that.
These days seem to always go wrong for me and people never believe me, when I tell them, that being positive just fucks up my life even more…
This day was unbearably chaotic and it’s not even lunchtime. I tried smiling and being social and brave but each step that went wrong, my smile just grew weary. I don’t know where to even put that negativity that brushed over this little happy day. I don’t know how to feel..
Mad, that my […]
I posted last week and mentioned that my true feelings are I do not want to die, but I do want to disappear from everything and taking/losing my life is a means to that end….
I’m wimpy (for lack of a better word) to do anything that will cause me undue pain, and I do not want to try anything that will put another person in danger. I also don’t want this to feel like “drama to everyone around me. To that end I am only talking with my therapist. My wife knows I’m depressed but does not know I truly want […]
Creating helps. I can only get some sort of good feeling when drawing. Today I felt really awful so I drew something strange.
I am not suicidal anymore, I think. Yes sometimes I think of dying, I wonder what would have happened if I just died or if any of my previous attempts worked. But I don’t want to die anymore. I’ve found a reason to live. I’m slowly trying to take care of myself, to love myself, to pay better attention to myself. I want to tell myself that I did well. That I really did a good job. I did outrun my mind. Not completely, the idea of just dying is not yet gone from my memory or thoughts whatever. But I am still proud of […]
that’s it, i guess. my first suicide attempt was when i was 15 and i’m turning 30 in four months. i ‘ve been wanting to be dead for AT LEAST HALF MY LIFE. fifteen years. that’s kinda a lot.
So the title is pretty self explanatory. I’ll be brutally honest here….I’m a piece of shit! I am selfish loser who will have to do his time in jail. A couple of days ago I got arrested for a DUI that involved two other innocent people. They’re cars were messed up and especially the one that was directly in front of me when I crashed. Thankfully no one was hurt despite how crowded it was however that could of very easily turned deadly. In Arizona it is law that you go to jail at least for 10 days (which is nothing) and can expect time […]
Thrice, now, I’ve tied a knot and tried to use it to end things, and thrice, its never pulled tight enough. I don’t understand why my body is so durable, when it should be frail and weak. I have no doubts about wanting to die, so its not a lack of conviction that stops me, but either a lack of energy, or a lack of knowledge. I want to know how to get rid of myself once and for all- a painless way that inflicts minimal trauma on others. A suicide that affects no-one is impossible, but I can try.
I’ve been thinking about suicide for […]
If one mistake I made before we were even a thing was all it fucking took why am I even here. Why did I even try? Why did I let you be the reason I lived? I should’ve killed myself when I had the chance. Before you slithered in and “saved” me.
Life is so sad.
I drink a ton ofcoffee in the morning and try to draw, but life is so dull there is nothing interesting to create! Anything I create is plain empty to me.
Told myself to be numb, but thats bs, my life is sad. It’s sad like a can rusting on the ground, its not like anything truly dramatic has happened to me (apart from dead mum at 10? Idc, I shouldnt consider that as a loss, considering how boriiiiing my family is). I wish I could be like you guys and have lost something instead of not having anything to lose in […]
I can’t see how I’ll ever be able to overcome my fear and actually do it. Which is irrational. Presuming consciousness disintegrates with the body, what is there to fear?
Yes, it will completely devastate my parents and sister, and yes, that’s terrible. But do I really care enough to endure another 20 plus years of feeling like this (not to mention how much worse things are likely to get)? Surely not.
Given that we all have to face death naturally at some point, it makes sense to skip ahead and bring an end to my own wretchedness.
I’m just so instinctively averse to the idea. Even just […]
I really thing there should be a category for us. Our issues, concerns and obligations are different. Does anyone agree?
…. And after I survived the 16 year eating disorder
…… And after the heartbreak that brought me here in the first place
….. And after I pulled a life together, a good life, a wonderful one
…… And after I let him do it all to me again in 2016, but rallied faster and better than I had imagined possible
…. And after knowing I could survive him I kept just making my life better, doing that ‘living every day to the fullest’ thing like I always wanted to, but for real
…. And after thinking, ‘having someone to share all this with would […]
Explaining someone the Reason for Suicide Assistance and this beyond terminal Ill People leave them Voiceless.
But still, the next Day the Topic been tried to talked down to be ‘”philosophicating”, this is politising.
Hear me Out or you Hear the Weapons.
yet i’m still keeping myself alive for the abusers, for the ones unaware of their deed and the ones i love with every last piece of sanity left in me. i know the suicide note is going to include something like “please don’t blame anyone, it’s not your fault”
but it is.
but i can’t talk about it, but i can’t mention it a bit because i want them to be happy.
but to keep them happy i shouldn’t end my life at all.
but i think i also deserve to rest, no matter how selfish, how stupid i am, no matter how much i deserve this, i desperately […]