Blah.
Being in a relationship hasnt brought me any pleasure. It allways brings me grief and anger. My longest relationship is a year. My bipolarness gets in the way of me being one person. People dont like dating more than one person. I had a boyfriend once that told me that it was like being with 5 different girls.
I have tried being myself with these people but how am i supose to know witch one is me? I once was so off my rocker I married an abuse man who wieghed 200 more pounds than me and was 2 feet tall than […]
Hi. I am only 14, and people keep telling me that it’s just part of being a teenager, and being in high school. Sometimes though I don’t think so. This is only some of the stuff that has happened.
I moved to a small town year before last during the summer (so I had no friends for a summer and the majority of my 8th grade year), and let’s just say all the people around here have known each other since they were little, and most of them look inbreeded. But then I met people and  I (thought) met the most amazing guy ever…until his ex […]
My palms sweat while I stare at my wounds. I kind of hope that i won t be marked with a scar. But somehow I am marked inside, right?
It can t be changed. I guess this summer was full of regrets.
I cant stop thinking about those moments, those important moments when things could go on a different way. There isn t a night when i didn t think of them. Sometimes i just go through our old pictures, and I cant cry…I just feel a cold breeze somewhere inside me, a black hole that is spreading around. It chokes me day by day.
I use […]
It’s been a while, a few weeks or so i think.
i kinda slipped out of the depressed state, but i’m kinda falling back into it i guess, if i do fall back into it like before, i’m thinking of leaving september 18th ’cause that’s when jimi hendrix died.
so yeah, anyway, some updates.
i had a job for about 5 days, then i got fired or some shit, idk why, i was late once but i did my job properly. i’ma take a piss test this week too i think, hope i pass so i’ll be prescribed with anti anxiety pills.
i guess that’s it
i havent written on here lately because i was purely focusing on just talking to my bestfriend who has now moved to dubai and we dont get to talk much. i cant stand not being able to see and speak to my bestfriend anymore, its heartbreaking. he has said many times that anytime i want i can come out to stay with him in dubai but its just too much hassle.
but i dont wanna be here anymore, i cant handle the constant pressure and criticism thrown at me. the main source is from my mum. nothing i do is ever good enough. i clean the […]
have I finally found a name for my problem? I thought it was schizophrenia but I was wrong. Nothings wrong, I just.. I hesitate to say can’t because it’s obvious I can,.. I won’t speak. I started reading about selective mutism and it made me cry for the first time in a year. I’ve always thought that my issues with anxiety were small to begin with and only grew because of my abusive upbringing, and later on, drug abuse. It seems I was born with the seed of depression and I was in the correct environment for it to grow and blossom.
But, I wasn’t depressed […]
I think of you everyday.
I think of you, I think of you and I try to measure how much it hurts to not be able to talk to you. It has been too long that it has become hard to remember the feeling of being your friend. And when I do catch that feeling, I can feel a sense of peace, then it leaves me just as soon as I begin to remember. I have sunken and drifted too apart from you, and it was only when you abandoned me that I realized that I couldn’t get myself to be carefree and deeply happy, no matter […]
I feel empty. I feel like I’m in a dark room with no windows or doors. All thats here is my mind and a mirror. I hear no noise. I dont feel sad. I dont seem to feel anything. where am I? Am I asleep? Am I just dreaming? Does anyone know Im here? I feel lost. I feel alone. I feel something pooring down my arm. Its too dark to know what it is but I feel it. I feel heavy. I feel like crying. I feel…. or am I just hulusinating?
Hi, I live in the UK, and my birthday was yesterday; for most people this is a sign of freedom and independance, but definitely not for me. Currently (and I’m not proud of this, believe me), I leech off my parents to survive (and they know this, and are getting fed up FAST) and have just gone back to college to start my second year of A-Levels. But my brain literally can’t take in information any more, it can barely process it. I’ve gone from a healthy, fit and active girl to this…..thing in the mirror that looks like a blob. I don’t even look […]
This is shit
I have the torch of my ancestors
A torch of scarlett light
Meant to help me, guide me through this journey
A being so noble in thought,
But so weak in action.
The figure of the bright happy child is gone
All that remains is a shadow of him
Inside of a thick dark fog
That is me.
Was it always me?
Maybe, maybe not.
We are so wrapped around our arrogance we have problems facing the reality
Which is us, the punny, weakling, dumb and ugly
It’s so hard to see past everyone’s problems and into our ones
We started to […]
I’ve felt this way before. A raw ache in the pit of my stomach. A crushing need to rip myself open and destroy what’s inside. I want to burn until even the ashes are gone. The pain is so urgent. The need to end it is so great. I try to ignore it. Push it away. Bury it. Pretend it’s all okay. Be the person I’m supposed to be.
Get up, take a shower, get dressed, go to work. Do my job with a smile. Be friendly. Be outgoing.
(But never let anyone get too close. Don’t let them see the pain. Don’t let them see the […]
I’ve been following this site for about a month now, but this is my first post on here. I don’t want to get into my backstory and bore everyone, but I’ll probably end up doing that anyways. I don’t even really know what I want to accomplish by writing this. Alleviate some pressure I guess.
I feel like I have nothing left in this life. And then when I find myself thinking that, I tell myself that I’m being an ungrateful little prick, because I have so much. I think there’s something seriously wrong with my brain. If I have nothing worthwhile left, then it should […]
I miss u, but u cant see tht.. u wer always there for me but i pushed u away.. this is my deat sentace talking for da last time.. i miss u and theres nothing i can do right now.. i need u right now more than anything.. ur the only one tht would no wat to do at this point :'( i miss and love u and i hope one day in the futer well come back to me and well be friends just like we use to be.. just me u and asia.. ill be married to my girl.. and ull be married […]
Sorry but I have to ask this here:
I’ve just emailed you yesterday,
just wondering if you’ve received the email or not?
let me know okay
thanks.
Kill Me
Kill me
Fucking kill me
I cant go on
Like this much longer
whatever you say
wont change my mind
no matter what you do.
I am weak
and full of fear.
I dont deserve
family, friends, and a loving guy
I cant have that
all they see is a different person
hiding from everyone.
Fake smiles
fake laughs
and fake everything else
I am living in misery and pain
Every time i cry i always get ask why
Not everything needs a reason
Just kill me
i can live another day
and face another tomorrow
All i am good for
is to […]
I have tried very hard, for a very long time to find a way to be content in life- I gave up on happy quite some time ago. I am so tired of struggling so hard- I have spent my entire adult life being HIV positive thanks to an a**hole ex-boyfriend- and even tho they say I would die within a few years, I not only lived, I have never been sick more than 25 years later. Being female with HIV, even in good health, has been anything but a picnic. I can’t express the psychological toll it has taken on me. Yes, I can […]
apparently i am on god’s do not call list. for years i’ve battled depression, to no avail. i’m done. i’m almost 40, physically beautiful to many people (except myself), smart to the point where it’s tormenting (it’s a curse), depression is my cancer. i hate my life. it never improves despite numerous attempts at geting “help” — therapy, pills, yoga, you name it, i’ve done it. i’ve talked countless people off the ledge but as far as my pain nobody can ever give me the help i need. tonight, i’ve taken phentermine, alcohol, several red bulls, and 10 hydrocodone. my heart is doing crazy shit. […]
Honestly… I’m not really sure what to write here.
I think the main thing is, is that I want to get over this fucking mind block that I’ve developed. Yes, I know I have depression, and it’s pretty bad. But I seem to chalk everything up to it.
It’s kind of pathetic.
Not a day goes by when I don’t think about killing myself or how much of a phony I am. Nothing ‘bad’ has ever happened in my life. I have many interests and skills, people who respect me, supportive friends and a loving family. So what right do […]
My life is complicated. My world is crumbling. I need help but where should I go. I feel weird calling a hotline. My problems are not anyone else’s but mine right? I’m not sure but maybe writing this will help me and someone else, all you can do is hope right?
I guess feeling horrible about myself started about 5th grade as soon as I moved to VA. Being the new geeky kid, with no friends that didn’t help. I mean I had my first “love” in 6th grade. (What a loser right?) Loving him was like my need to breathe, we ended up getting […]