2 days ago at 8am I asked my 2nd subject teacher to excused me in his class for me to visit our guidance counselor. Well… it’s no longer hard for me to talk about what happened and about me being depressed and all. So we talked for an hour about my problems and she gave her input. And like all conversation to soothe or attempt to comfort me didn’t reach me.

After class, I went to see my first ever visit to a psychiatrist. I’ll just call him Mr. X and I don’t have any reason to why. Anyway, I discussed the things that happened and […]

I’m in a near constant state of internal conflict and uncertainty. I should be dead. If anyone should, I should. I must be among the most wretched people on this planet. There’s so much wrongness in me.

But ending my life seems likely to devastate my parents and sister. When they’ve done so much to try to help me. I don’t want to do that to them. To infect their lives with my despair and hopelessness, when they worked so hard to give me hope and happiness when I was young.

Perhaps that’s just a rationalization, and all that’s really keeping me going is blind survival instinct. […]

So, it took me around 6 or 7 years for me to realize that all I want in life is to be taken into account. To be someone that people think about. To not just be a complete no one blended in the crowd. But I wouldn’t call myself an attention seeker, all I’ve ever wanted was a purpose, a place in this world.

I’m pretty sure this all started back when I was in junior high school. I was your typical shy and not talkative (outcast) kid. I never was a person of many friends (and I’m not to this day), but I longed […]

So, my mental health has been turbulent since I was about 10, and I’ve had many attempts at ending my own life, none in the past two years.
however, today I’ve started to put my affairs in order, planning who gets my belongings, my funeral arrangements, how they’ll find me (or how they’ll at least know I’m gone). And of course how I’m going to do it. I have the date planned, the arrangements, and I’m actually excited- my previous attempts have had a lot of room for error, but this method, it’s foolproof.
they won’t be able to stop me

itll be my last hoorah, […]

Is it amoral to smack someone upside the head with a baseball bat if it’s for a good reason? Asking for a friend.

So, this is going to sound like a stupid question, but I know I’m not going to get a straight answer if I go to a message board. So here goes.

Is it culturally insensitive for a foreigner to kill themselves in the Aokigahara forest? (I warned you it was stupid.)

So, I’ve always been eerily fascinated in the place. It’s not just because it’s considered “the suicide forest”, but its also just how gorgeous the place is. Apparently, once you enter the forest, the trees and ground are formed in such a way that you can’t even hear anything going on outside. In that sense, you’re […]

I hesitate to write here because there isn’t really anything new.  People are awful, I try to be kind and get taken advantage of and keep thinking that “this time things will be different.”  The thoughts of wanting to die stay with me as much as I shake them off. I’m not worried that I’m going to try to kill myself because life is pretty much the same shit it has been and it’s been about 10 years since I’ve attempted anything.  Things aren’t really that bad but today feels heavy and hard.  I’m not in the mood to excuse everyone’s shit.  I don’t want […]

It’s been about 10 years since I last posted here. A lot can happen in that length of time, and a lot did happen. Little of it was any good, but there you go.

My dad, for whom I was a full-time live-in caregiver, died about 2-1/2 years ago, from cancer. Last year, both my cat and dog died. I’ve still got a mum around, but her health is sketchy. I’m finally employed, but in a very part-time capacity, and tenuously so. Turns out I missed a deadline (completely my fault) and that will play a significant role in determining whether I am rehired when the […]

It’s so hard for me to sleep without you. I am exhausted but I just can’t do it. I keep thinking about us. And how we should’ve failed months ago. And I just feel like something is wrong. But I can’t put my finger on it. I just want to know the truth. I can’t sleep without you. You’re my best friend and it’s so hard. I wish I could just read your mind.

There are many people in my life who have immense belief in my capabilities. Yet every day is a struggle. Some days far less than others.

Yet, with so much belief in me, and so much love and respect given. I still sit at the end of my bed. Staring down the barrel of my . 308

I need help. Tomorrow is my fist appt with a therapist since March of last year. Back then they told me I have bipolar depression and anxiety. What did I do? Try to take it on by myself.

I need help. But why? Why can’t I just fix myself?

i made a post about some of my worse problems and didnt exactly get the response i was hoping for although i thank rainwatch for answering and talking to me. but now i have something else.
am i the only one that feels hatred?

you all talk about oh they have done this to me that and the other thing but it seems im the only one that feels anger towards the ones that made me like this. overall im an extremely nice person. unless im wronged. and my enemies should be scared. they have wronged me. they have left me alone and broken to […]

i dont know what this site is about, but i saw a bunch of suicide related posts and maybe thats its purpose. if not, im sorry. i can delete this.

my family is very poor and my parents yell at eachother a lot. my mom spoke to me secretly about how they might get a divorce after im 16 or 18. im 16 in a couple months.

my dad abuses my dog. he also verbally is rude to me. he is also transphobic, homophobic, and racist. being transphobic doesnt help when i want to be trans. im like a little slave to this house and they make […]

but i can’t.

the fear of failing again will make my parents yell at me and then they’ll be extremely angry and disappointed (instead of understanding) and they’l just go back to the same old shit they always do. No one ever understands (my therapist and my psych do but it’s been a long time since I last saw them). Teachers don’t really understand. No one ever does.

Why are we still forced to study useless crap we’ll never use in the future — if there EVEN is one. There shouldn’t be school anymore because the world is turning to shit and we’ll be dead sooner […]

So, I have always had problems finding myself in life. I just don’t know what to do anymore… I am running out of options.

I have literally tried everything and I realize how badly I suck at something and just leave and give up. I can never commit to something because I’m so self-conscious and I just want to find my footing.

Right now, I’m stuck at my job, constantly being berated by my boss that may end. I don’t feel like I have enough confidence to try and find another job. I feel like I’m trapped. I just turned 26. I could have been married and […]

This has been a rough month for me. It seems from the outside that I should be proud of what I’m doing, but I feel nothing but shame. I’m applying to graduate school and I was able to get my application into four different school. As of right now one has declined to interview me, and a second has outright rejected me. If I don’t get in there isn’t really work for me to do with my bachelors degree, which means that I’ve wasted the last three years of my life. For the last three years I’ve performed research and attained a GPA of 3.9. […]

I give my all every day, but it’s getting to be too much. It feels like I’m being driven into a corner, and it just keep getting worse and worse. Still, I have no choice but to struggle on and fulfill one more promise. The only other option… is to admit defeat.

to want to suicide, but giving the praying no information.

since ever in life, I wanted to Love in Hegemonia, Peace and Alongside. it was in my earliest.

10 days without feeling upset, or not feeling anything at all. i’ve been keeping my mouth shut. no part of me is on social media yet i’ve put up what other people see as “everything”, no part of me is true, not in reality, not online. when i used to feel things, i would post them on a close friends list, or write them down on my notes, just to remind myself i’m feeling that way, really stupid of me but that was how i coped for a while. the happiness, for half a night i would be almost high on happiness and drown in […]