General

Interesting to me how anticipation and fear are essentially the same emotion; terror. Notably artist Andy Warhol of Campbell’s  Tomato Soup painting fame was considered a “holy terror” by his contemporaries. He outraged, everybody was on pins and needles to see what he might do next.

I digress because even writing about this hurts. For two weeks I have known about what is coming in the morning, a scant eleven hours from when I write this; someone important is coming into town; my four up boss. Explaining – I have a supervisor, who gets the final word about what I do. Her supervisor directs the entire […]

Where’s everyone gone? Anyone know of other sites like this one?

i knew it was coming
i felt the urge to cut again
and i tried so hard to keep it in
to distract myself
but i couldn’t
and as i sit here with blood gushing out my leg
i feel like im where i belong
that this is what i deserve
what they all want from me
are you happy now?

i spent a few hours on this site looking at posts as much as 10 years old. if someone posted something optimistic, especially if they said they found help and things were looking good, then i would look at their follow up posts. in every case, they come back sometimes years later saying they’re back at rock bottom. this site is an interesting time machine and bullshit detector. im sure they meant it at the time but IN EVERY CASE they always come back saying life gets worse. the only sucess stories seem to be the ones who say theyre gonna kill themselves and then […]

You guys ever have good days?

I went to the hospital to see if my thoughts for not existing are true and one thing i remember is a theripist there told us we are the ceo of ourselves so that means we can close up and shutdown when we want to and then i was helping someone to pay for rent and he got mad because i wasnt right in the head at the time and i kept fantasizing about putting my neck in the saw blade so i stopped to try to fix my head space (the stuff being cut wasnt needed for another month and it would only take […]

Not suicide related

I really really really really want to be gone. You know you’ve got no purpose and no point in life when you feed your money into a poker machine over and over again.
Or play keno all day.
Sorry don’t mean to boast about money here. At this rate I’ll soon have none anyway.
Can’t help but think that the people working where I gamble think I’m the biggest idiot ever (here is a fact though: workers in such places are not allowed to comment on individual gamblers. Workers have been sacked for telling gamblers that they are addicted, another was sacked for […]

Does anyone have any advice or tips for hiding cuts. I really dont want anyone to see them and get any more worried. All I do now is wear long sleeved shirts. I shaved my wrists and its pretty obvious so sometimes people pull it down to see how much i shaved i guess? or whatever other reason they have. Maybe there is no advice for this and Im just awaiting the inevitable. this sucks. hope whoever reads this is doing ok.

Finals are comming. Like everything its a lose lose scenario. If i fail the finals Im just a piece of shit and a total burden to anyone, parasyte sucking off my parents at 21 years of age with no results. If I pass nothing changes and my shitlife continues and Im gonna spend another minimum 3 years in this house till I finish college IF IT GOES WELL. Fking bright future!

I had nightmares last night after long time (I smoke pounds of weed daily so no dreams anymore usually). I was very depressed today. Cried at one point. I would like a girl […]

to be happy, healthy and productive? And not depressed af, a non-productive mess, and well…us?

I use to post on here way back, when I was going through the deepest of my depressions. I’ve since then had many many more breakdowns similar and it has recently come to light that I have a high functioning personality disorder. And for once in my life I don’t feel crazy anymore. I feel sane knowing everything I was feeling has just been validated.
I hope the rest of you out there find some type of closure for the way you feel.

Absolutely horrible things happened to me. I don’t know what I did to deserve such a life, every time I think life can’t get any worse, life proves me wrong. I don’t know how much more I can take. There is no way to fix some of the damage that was done to me and everything seems kind of pointless. The whole world seems to be against me, it basically wants me to die and go to hell. I make enemies everywhere, I have no idea why. I even asked some acquaintances if they thought if I was a bad person or something and they […]

I passed the tests my employer set, thus I get to continue doing the job I was hired for…. I’m empty.. had a long talk with the suicide lifeline people, and it fundamentally comes down to believing this or not;

people have innate value.
I think that’s the big joke, that we even pretend that’s true. In my state this month alone hundreds of preventable deaths, my governor says thoughts and prayers. So why are they asking me to stick around on this planet? I’d just be one more of thousands who covid finished off.

I had to drive an hour out, and an hour back to […]

i want to die.

I’m so unsatisfied with life and who i am. I can’t stand myself. I want nothing more than to die. Nothing makes me happy. I’m always angry and long for death. Life has just been disappointment and anger. And I have the urge to end it all. I hate waking up every day. I have nothing and no one to look forward to. I don’t give a fuck about anyone or anything. The fact that I’m still alive pisses me the fuck off. 24 years is too fucking long. I can’t take it anymore. I went from cutting myself to stabbing myself with needles. I […]

Long time no see, but not really. Don’t have friends or anyone on here or anywhere else really. Just going down memory lane finding old accounts and stuff online before ********* on my birthday.

*Waves*