Only those people who are lucky & fortunate in life who can loudly say that life is a gift. The reality is, not everyone is fortunate. In fact, most people on this planet live in pain & sufferings just barely enough to survive. And then, even if people live in the first-world developed countries like in U.S or Europe for example, there are ironically still people who are depressed, and even suicidal/commit suicide. If life is a gift, like most people nowadays keep saying, then why all those reality exist? The only answer I can think of is: it is human’s nature perhaps for (most) […]
Category:
My Suicide Note
I keep thinking back to that night 28 November at 03:58, when i wrote my goodbye note on my computer just minutes before the attempt.
Why did it have to fail again, it does not gets better like everyone promise it will.
I have never succeed anything in my life not even my last attempt, why I’m such failure in anything I try to do in my life. Everyday, every night I dream back to that moment. I’m going to try again and hope this time I get some good sleep from it.
This constant hate for myself has been getting overwhelming. Honestly suicide has started to become a huge option. I try to think positively of myself and about my life but I can’t and it’s really hard. I know there are peoples life’s worse than mine but I just don’t like myself and I always feel like I don’t deserve to live. I’ve been crying everyday of my life for the past couple of months non stop about 2-5 times a day. My body has become so weak and I always feel exhausted for all this crying but get 4 hours or less sleep a day. […]
y’know, maybe i should be working on the assignments i said i would instead of letting one email get to me like this. But I can’t. I already put this up on a vent channel elsewhere but I deleted it because my friends were on there and I felt like such a bother. I mean, the person who got me here was me and me alone, why should I involve others like this? Then again, I just really wanted to get something out there other than keeping it in my mind and have it tear me down. I’ve always felt better after getting it out […]
6 Years ago, I found this website, while i was in my lowest ebb, and decided to post in here. I thought that when it was over, it would be over, however, it kept coming back. These horrific depressive episodes keep coming back. Right now, I am in my final year of uni, my life is a complete mess, I have undiagnosed ocd (magical/ superstitious thinking) I feel that every horrible feeling I had before is coming back because I didn’t do something correctly. My relationships are a mess, I fall under fearful avoidant, I jump from hot or cold, I get perpetually heartbroken, and […]
tell someone = burden someone, make them frustrated with me, I become vulnerable and unlikable = wrong
don’t tell someone = bottle it up until I kill myself = wrong
talk about it anonymously = no relief + vulnerability = wrong
kill myself = no more of this endless cycle of mistakes = maybe right, but slightly inconvenient for certain living people
fix myself = impossible, make no reasonable progress, hurt so many people on the way = wrong
run away = coward, escape all the people I’ve hurt, start over and fuck it up again or just kill myself = solid outcome
Fuck the law for making those who suffer unbearably commit suicide alone. It’s really unjust…fuck society for either calling us cowards for not being able to commit suicide or selfish when we do.. how dare society hold this bullshit double standard over us..if there’s one thing in my death I believe it’s essential for euthanasia to be legalised in every country for those who wish to die for whatever reason, whether it’s because of personality disorders (Like me NPD) or for physical illness or any other reason.
I don’t get why physical illness is treated different to mental…fuck the law and society..I’ll forever be a coward […]
always get out of the hole to get sucked right back in. i mean nothing to anyone and im lying to myself if i think anyone will give a fuck when im dead.
Some people are lucky; Some people are not.
The more you learn about this world and society, the more you will realize that Life is random (chances), and yes, Life is not fair. Reality is depressing.
Most people who still always keep saying that “if you work hard, you will be successful!” are naive, ignorant, and simple-minded typical “optimistic/positive/happy-go-lucky” people you always see everywhere. And even for those people who realized it and therefore said that what’s important is to “work smart”, it also usually often means to be sly, cunning, opportunistic bastards who are too often selfish, pricks, ruthless, cold, heartless, and only care about […]
yes, this shit is a soul cancer, depression is even worse than body cancer, it kills your soul , and once ur soul is dead, u are dead even if ur body keeps moving. and thats where we start thinking of commiting suicide cuz thats the only option we see, we are dead, so we want to kill the only thing left which is the body.
that bing said , i hope i dont reach that stage , am getting worse evveryday but am trying to fight back even tho i lose most of my battles vs depression, anxiety, overthinking and negativity . i am having […]
I’m sorry if there is any North Koreans are reading this, but I think this is the best way to describe my life. 3 years ago, me and my family moved to New Zealand and since then I was severely abused. My parents won’t let me out of the house, and the only 2 places I could go is home and school. I have limited internet access so I’m writing this very quickly (before my parents found out). It got worse last September, when my parents slapped me in the face 4 times in a row because they forced me to do a LOT of […]
Ive been on this site a while reading everyone else’s thoughts, I would have said so much to all of you but I didn’t want to register.
I’ve been struggling with thoughts of suicide since I was 14, I am now about to turn 30 so it’s been more than half my life. I attempted at 16, as much as one can attempt to shoot oneself without pulling the trigger before getting caught. The good news is that the past 7 years were an easy fight, I felt purposeful and had a job I loved, but now that job feels like a cage and I […]
Once again I’m here to read ppl’s agony. It grounds me whenever I have suicidal thoughts. It’s tragic to know that people are there for you but eventually they’ll get tired of your shit and toxcitity then leave you knowing that it would make you misery. Makes me want to kill myself more. I know that I don’t have to depend on people and get their validation but it’s hard not to when you rlly love those ppl around you. I feel like a burden. Always have been. I blame myself for everything and for the existence I found no purpose and not thankful for. […]
Been feeling suicidal for the past few months.i have a long history of depression and anxiety. I truly just wish I could end my life. But there is no easy way. I am afraid. Not particularly of death. I feel like I have no control of my life. It just been dictated by those around me. It had made me sick and I just want to escape. I cant live with them anymore. I dont wanna be around them anymore. But I have no job, no social services. The last time i tried leaving. I was forced to go back
.no one understands. I want my […]
hi everyone! it’s been so long! things have changed…for a while, only for a while. I’ve never thought of this moment. i just want someone to talk to. if only there’s someone i could tell how i feel right now. they say I’m a strong woman. that i will never lose a fight. because I’m a competitive type of person. but the truth is…i am weak…I’ve given every bit of energy i have…and I’m tired.
little by little, I’m forgetting the reasons why i should be living. i felt alone, in this dark hole.
– RAF
Thrice, now, I’ve tied a knot and tried to use it to end things, and thrice, its never pulled tight enough. I don’t understand why my body is so durable, when it should be frail and weak. I have no doubts about wanting to die, so its not a lack of conviction that stops me, but either a lack of energy, or a lack of knowledge. I want to know how to get rid of myself once and for all- a painless way that inflicts minimal trauma on others. A suicide that affects no-one is impossible, but I can try.
I’ve been thinking about suicide for […]
Life is not fair
Some people are lucky,
Some people are not
Some people live a successful & happy life,
Some people fail miserably & even commit suicide
Everything is just only a random chance
The universe doesn’t care
We are just only a tiny little speck of dust in this vast universe
Nothing matters.
When we grow up into being an adult, often we are pressured to be “realistic”. But at what cost? Too often, especially when you’re not ‘lucky/fortunate’ enough, all this whole “adulthood” and “grow up” things just turned us into a jaded, weary, bitter, cynical, apathy, limited, empty, cold, sad, & depressed person/individual..
The young, youthful, carefree, freespirit, creative, lively, happy, & dreamy/dreamer “child” / “childhood” in us often times slowly have died.. as we grow up into being an adult..
And for many people, it also usually means that we have to “let go”, or to be more honest & real, I would say that we are […]
Would it be considered giving up to accept that I cannot fly? Or, that I cannot breathe underwater?
We have this crazy idea that, if we just try a little harder, we can push through anything. That it will always pass. That things inevitably must get better. Because, surely, it can’t always be this bad, right?
I know someone who uses the threat of suicide to blackmail people into complying with their wishes.
“You can’t leave me, I’ll kill myself.”
“How dare you disagree with me! Your mean behavior makes me want to die.”
On and on. Every other day. I’m not saying that person doesn’t need […]