when the feeling comes back on me the world turns into a grey meaningless place. but when i feel well the world is truly beautiful, flawed but beautiful, bright and filled with colors. do i deserve to be in a place like this? absolutely not, but i’ll try to stay to observe the beauty, before i feel like shit again and the colors fade away.
i pretty much have had enough with life. about a month ago i got discharged from the psych ward, which was complete hell. and now i think i have move on and put an end to this madness. for the last 10 plus yrs. i have been waiting for a change and here i am, and nothing has changed. me ending my life is the only way out of this madness. thats the message i keep on receiving.
long story short, this ends sometime between now & December 2019. im not holding out to see if things gets better (cause i know it wont) […]
Young lady finds her husband and get her passport for a higher class lifestyle. I must be just another useless, lunatic person that has appeared in her life, and since my lifestyle isn’t that interesting, so why keep me in her social circuit, right? Oh, I hope that little wifey is very happy living in her mediocre marital servitude, cleaning the house all day long, making dinner for the hubby, 21st housewife, what a bore! I think we’re definitely too much different to be even just friends.
This is Raisin. She’s somewhere around three or four months old, and was abandoned at a park.
She’s helping me heal. She’s a goofball.
I’ve been feeling pretty good for a few months now, but I feel like my happiness isn’t justified enough for me to be glad that I’m happy. I personally feel like I’m a shit person and that I don’t deserve happiness. And I don’t feel “right” being happy. I feel like when I’m sad and depressed that’s the truest version of me. So starting today, I’m going to stop taking my medications.
You know that feeling you get when you just want to walk and walk until your feet ache and you feel like you’re home? It’s like a feeling that nags at you constantly, it makes you feel helpless and it makes you just want to lay on the floor and listen to sad music. It’s like a… constant feeling of shame and self-loathing; for no reason. I feel like I’m crumbling; spiraling down into pure apathy.
I just want to feel at peace, I want to feel good. Though, my mum is getting a shit ton of alcohol before school starts because I insisted on having “one last […]
I’ve been sober now for 18 months. I’m 30. This last year and a half has only confirmed why I used to drink so much. My eyes have only been opened more to all the damage going on in the world, both in the environment and within ourselves. What a horrible fucking species we are as a whole. So many egotistical, careless, selfish, over-consuming, seemingly know-it-all, good-willed talkers but will never make real change, pricks. I’m not saying I’m perfect, nowhere near, but holy fuck how can so many people not know that their day to day choices are damaging and killing our own species, […]
I finally confessed to my family about my depression and suicidal attempts. I always try to pretend to be okay around them and for five years I did my best trying to strengthen our bonds. I always did my best to keep planning activities together, slending more time, helping them with their troubles. I expected to have built up a little bit of good will. But they expresed apathy towards my depresion. They could no believe nor understand what I was talking about. Is like everything until now was a lie. Is painful. My confesion just destroyed my connection to them. I will never be […]
Hey guys! This… might not really be the best place to ask for relationship advice, but I don’t really know anywhere else to turn.
My boyfriend stopped texting me two days ago (this is REALLY off for us) and came back today. He is “sad” that I didn’t call him, even though he was ignoring me, and I honestly assumed his phone must have been dead. His only explanation was that he is “just bummed.” So I’m assuming he was kinda depressed. He took forever to even say that, he didn’t call me on his work break like usual, yet when I asked him about […]
Dont you know?
Since that day.. since you come…
I try to see the bright side of this world again
I can see the bright side of this world again
I can smile a little bit right from my heart
I can tell that my life is not the end of this world
I can give love to those around me
I can express myself a little bit more
I joke and laugh a little bit more
I see hope in front of me
But you are gone now
When I hear this song “Family of the year – HERO”
It reminds me of you
Here […]
I’ve finally accepted that I’m meant to be alone and that I wasn’t made to be around people. They are really complicated creatures that have tendencies to be awfully cruel sometimes for no good reason. They will pretend they’re your family, your friends, they will exploit you and when you’re not useful to them anymore or when they’re bored with you, they will stab you in the back multiple times. They will bring you down and break your spirit and in the end you will be the one who’s called evil. Isolation seems like the best option. Sure, it gets super lonely and sooner or […]
What should I do?
I miss you too much
I want to see you right now
Im waiting for you to come today
Again..
I want to hold your hand
I want to see your face
I want to hear your voice
I want to see your smile
I want to hear your laugh for me
I shouldnt be like this
What should I do
There is this pain in my heart
I keep thinking about you all day
You said you like me who doesnt care about you
You said you like me who always gone and didnt say anything
I said I like you who […]
So, i know that it doesnt make sense, but im writing this in english so if i dont find any brazilians here, maybe, just maybe someone else can help me, i need actually information, cause im planning my suicide and i want to cut my wrists you know, but here in Brazil i have literally no idea in how i buy those Razor Blades to do it, cause the better next option would be pencil sharpeners, but i guess it would be too hard to do it, so, any help really would be good, i just need this, so if anyone knows how i can […]
If I choose to leave, it will be my choice.
The pain is too much & getting
difficult to cure.
We are like glass vases,
once we’re broken, we can
never place the pieces back together
in the same way again.
My entire
being is shattered, torn up, and
mounds of hurt & pain flooding into
my system with each and every second
that goes by.
goodbye,
and whenever I choose to
leave, may I leave in peace, with no
regrets, worries, or promises to fulfill.
I’m just looking for love. I hate being in this world alone i just wish i had someone
HI . I am new to this site and from Canada. I am over 50 , have bone cancer and all I want is to leave this earth on my terms. I bought the balloon time helium but like others I dont know what regulator or tubing to use in order to set it at 15 psi according to betty lol
If anyone wants to share this information with me please do….I feel so desperate I cannot walk very far and get tired so fast now. But you know Canada we will fill up every hospital bed and lose any dignity we have just to die, […]
I really was doing better, or at least better at pushing those dread feelings deep down so far I thought I had actually become happy. I know we all have issues. It’s why we’re on the internet sharing our feelings instead of telling those we are close to about it. I have friends, I know they care, but they don’t understand what I mean when I say I’m getting bad again. They know I suffer from depression but they don’t grasp how deeply it actually goes and how it makes me just want to not be here anymore. I want nothing more than to just […]
to die surrounded by people who I love. either in the past, or in the present. but I am at the house of my parents, with my family. I did not thought of them, are not a replacement for me.
a mixture of drugs and medicine. maybe accompanied by the people around me who like to help me, feel me and have together separately the ability to rely. but I took 56mg of buphrenorphin patches from my dad.
I told dad about a Party on Friday. This Parent expected, said to me blatantly that I will end up at the hospital that night. I felt hurted. I […]
Im a horrible wife. I was stupid to think i had changed. And it feels like it is only getting worse.
Stupid stupid stupid. It seems to be all I think about and now dream. nightmare? idk but I wish it would just stop. I’m trying so hard to change.
I watched some clip someone posted about a person who jumped off the Golden Gate bridge and lived to regret it.
I’m unmoved.
When I’ve made my mind up about something, it’s very hard to change it, because I spend a very long time thinking about something before making a determination.
I don’t want to be alive.
There are some things that do not change.
I can hope, but I don’t see the pain letting up.
Another thing, I hate to hear of this assumption that people who want to die hate themselves.
I’ve never hated myself.
I reached a point where I hated what people […]