My days keep getting darker as each one passes. At my job the only other person who worked alongside me has transferred and I am the only one truly working. I keep working like a dog and each day I sleep longer and have less time to enrich myself in educational things before I am shipped off to the hell commonly known as my job. My hard work has gone under the radar and isn’t acknowledged like it used to be. My job is no longer enjoyable for me as it sucks the very life out of me. Now there is nobody helping […]
For about six weeks, things were actually going pretty good. I found a job, after six months without full-time work. I started running again several days a week, which clears my mind and stabilizes my mood in a way that nothing else can (I can’t swim, for instance, and I hate lifting weights because of all the pauses where my thoughts can creep back in). I went two whole weeks without wishing I was dead, for probably the first time in a couple years.
And then a week ago I hurt my knee and had to stop running. A few days after that I got into […]
I don’t even know what to say. I told myself long ago that if I reached this point, I’d kill myself. I tried and it didn’t work, but now I have no way to do it, and since my mom is already apparently so crushed by just the tiny tidbit that I cut, I can’t make myself work up the strength to kill myself now anyway.
I’m not getting anything done, I barely show up to anything anymore, I don’t know how I’m getting away with all this. I’ve not been cutting even though I really deserve it now more than I have before because at […]
I’m working on a series of paintings of the gulf. I have a friend who has been supplying me with a steady diet of gulf pics. He is down there for a fresh start, having made so many fresh starts in his life.
He sends me birds, water. Night, day. Sun, clouds. Amazing stuff really.
This is typically where I come up with some colloquial witticism. I’m fresh out of platitudes tonight, be them empty or full. Time for bed. Enjoy the night friends.
So a few months ago I left university for the day, half way through, because I couldn’t take the overwhelming nervous feelings of being with my classmates, and lecturers, who are the type of people that make you feel on edge, never good enough. Leaving my coat, bag and items sprawled out across the desk to look as if I was just leaving for lunch, I escaped and walked home as fast as I could, heavily breathing because of the stress of the day.
I don’t know what it was, maybe the fact that my lecturer is quite harsh and makes me feel my work is […]
Thank you for the beautiful drawing from D.A. Feel free to share this on the artist page if you like. A homage to beauty. I see a sunrise where the artist sees shades of grey. Either is beauty.
I have been up until now working in realism, but really fantasy is my comfort zone some nights.
This is “the blush of dawn”.
Love yourself, be kind.
HDS
I know that this is probably a stupid thing to ask but can anybody give me any tips and tricks on sleeping? My mom doesn’t want me to get sleeping pills because she thinks that I’ll get addicted to them even though I’ve never had a previous drug addiction, but anyways.. she keeps telling me to search up natural remedies but none of them are working. I go to bed at either 1 or 2 in the morning everyday which lets me get about 3 to 4 hours of sleep on weekdays so if you couldn’t already tell, that’s a big issue.. especially when I’m […]
I mentioned in an earlier post that I wanted to try sketching some things.
I couldn’t find an app that did what I needed, so I just drew on a sheet of paper and took a picture of it.
.
.
I haven’t taken any art classes, and I realize this is nothing compared to the amazing things some of you have posted.
Still I’d like to keep working on some projects, and maybe I will get better as time goes on.
If nothing else, maybe this (plus my […]
I live in a truly depressing dump, I don’t have the will to do anything and I spend hours awake in bed staring at the ceiling. I think I am sliding into insanity. I’ve got no friends – only aging parents to lean on. I’ve been on new medication for almost a month and it’s not working so far – only given me Insomnia. Laughably, I’m in the doctors every few days fighting to live a life that is truly awful – and to top it all I truly look like I’ve been dragged through hell. Why wouldn’t I? I’ve been a loner for thirty […]
So I’m new on here and just found the site today but I think this could be beneficial for me. I am 27 years of age, I’ve been married over a year (almost 6 years with the guy), our house and car are paid off, and I have two wonderful dogs. I don’t know why I’m feeling this way. I’ve struggled with depression off and on for awhile and it’s getting bad now. I am so sorry in advance this is going to be long…
My husband is loving but not understanding at all, he is homemaker (I think that’s what it’s […]
I breathe, I cry, I disappear,
breathless, stoic, forever here,
heart echoing, thundering,
cold and scared
I swear it’s living
I swear it’s beating
I swear it’s working
I swear, I swear, I swear,
if it hurts, it’s there
it is and has to be
an ache isn’t where it used to be
just give me time
and why and where
I’ll be good
I’ll be better
I’ll be fine
I swear, I swear, I swear,
I hope this to be my last post ever on this website. For me, things did not get better. I know now that they will not get better. Anytime something good ever happens to me, it gets taken away from me. It is always a matter of time before something knocks my happiness off course. I hope tomorrow I can end my life. I pray for it. My parents will be working and it my perfect chance to end it all. Maybe sometime this week. Even though things did not get better for me, it may get better for whomever is reading this. Stay strong. […]
Losing yet another good acquaintance…
Let’s call him Roger. I just got an email from him saying goodbye. He’s moving to Seaside, OR
I didn’t know. WE didn’t know (one of the groups I volunteer at) he’d been planning ‘his trip’ since last year.
Roger is a two-time cancer survivor.
Always the fighter, he went to own the business he started working at years ago.
His youngest ‘child’ will be heading for college this summer.
Roger’s wife’s already waiting for him having passed a few years ago after a tragic accident.
Roger has a thriving business, family and has his entire affairs in order.
He also has ALS. An aggressive case of it.
It’s […]
ive been working my ass off day and night, 7 days a week non stop. It has lead me to a place of isolation from my friends and family. So i get up today and go to this school thing for a project and I came home at 5pm- and at this time i hvent ate anything and was feeling sick from exhaustion . so im in the kitchen and theres nothing to eat. i ask my dad for 5 bucks to got get a sandwich or something and this is where i get confused.
-He tells me, why the fuck would i give you […]
A vent drawing inspired by the man that hurt me! Thank you for doing that to me boy! :/
Not finished with it yet, still working out details. Might post the finished product later.
(It’s a tiger and a red panda if it’s to hard to tell, tiger obviously represents the one I once loved and the red panda at the bottom represents me.)
Hello. I didn’t post yesterday. I just forgot was all. Nothing to worry about just in case a few of you were. Today my school had the annual senior presentations. At my school there is a heavy focus on engineering, and every year, starting since I was a freshman, the seniors show the school and a couple of local engineers who act as judges what they worked on. I used to be so excited for the event, since I want to be an engineer, but lately I didn’t really care. Then there was the keynote speaker. He was some German dude who has been working […]
Hello everyone. For many years now, I’ve been interested in cutting. I was initially attracted to the concept of cutting, that is, self-inflicted mutilation as a means to relieve stress, but was unable to give it a shot because I participated in activities that usually involved me getting undressed (working out at the gym, martial arts, etc) and I understood that if I started cutting, these markings would be easy to detect and suspicions would be raised.
However, since my situation has changed considerably and I do virtually none of those things now, I was wondering if someone would be so kind as to share with […]
I was going to write a long, motivational post but i just dont have it in me right now, its mid week and im already sick of it. If only there was a way to live without conforming to societies demands that leave you broken and soulless, since when doe living a life require us to trade our souls for enough money to live. I thought there was more to life but we spend the majority of it working, doing things that dont matter for bits of paper that we give away straight away so we can have a place to live, lights to see […]
So if you follow my posts then you know that I have very severe self harm scars on my arm and that they are a great source of stress in my life. I’ve been working on covering them with makeup and even though they are still visible they don’t look quite so bad. I’ve been doing my best to heal them and help their appearance. It’s been almost a year since I last cut.
I’ve always been terrified of friends or boys I like seeing them. I decided tomorrow I’m going to go out without covered for the first time in a year.I will probably wear […]
I’ve seriously had to think about jumping or hanging myself at work or jumping in front of a train because this is such bullshit and I’m getting abused on top of it. My job’s become unbearable because of the coworker who’s decided to have a problem with me and trying to get rid of me. Well yeah it’s fucking working. She’s been lying and complaining about me to the boss saying I stink, that I’ve filled the coffee pot with my coffee mug that I drank out of, that I fart and burp the whole day at work, and that I don’t shower and smell […]
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