Category:

Family & Friends Effects

The effects of suicide on family and friends.

Daily Life Of A Ghost

by Virus.Found 3/13/2021

written by Virus.Found

When I was in the russian supermarket today, the happy disco music which my mother said, was from her youth, didn’t sound so happy to me. Frankly I wasn’t hearing it at all. I was spaced out. I couldn’t believe I was so deeply unhappy with my life and for how unkind people had been all my life towards me. I didn’t even know what I wanted. Cookies, coffee, cinnamon.? I want nothing. I just want these thoughts to stop.

For every friend talking to their important friends or posting something on instagram instead of talking to me. I’m just f*cking done. I was a long […]

3/13/2021 10 comments

i love you, i want you dead

by system 3/3/2021

written by system

“I will xoxo. I hope someday you’ll truly realize how much I love you, how much I care for you & how I’ll never do anything to bring you harm ever again. your body is just so perfect to me, I adore your personality & the way you feel for me & love me makes me wanna break down. please don’t confuse me wanting your body, as the only reason I talk to you.”

oh, trust me, I fucking know that’s not the only reason you talked to me. you spoke to me because you wanted to keep me wrapped around your finger. you spoke to […]

3/3/2021 2 comments

My family can’t relate.

by deathberry 3/1/2021

written by deathberry

I have reach an stalemate in my fight against depression. My family doesn’t believe in mental health and I don’t have any close friend willing to share my troubles.

I feel so lonely. I don’t know what to do.

3/1/2021 5 comments

Playing Therapist

by chinadoll4 2/27/2021

written by chinadoll4

Today, I played the role of my mother’s therapist. It’s not a new concept – me and somebody else, talking through their issues for a few hours until they feel better. But today, it took everything out of me, and I didn’t realize it until just now.

Up until, like, two minutes ago, I was wondering where the hell this came from. I’m normally depressed, but this is way worse than the usual. This is like my worst couple of years came racing back out of nowhere all at once.

The only thing that usually sucks about playing therapist for someone is that nobody really asks about […]

2/27/2021 3 comments

Absence makes the heart remember.

by Once 2/24/2021

written by Once

I’ve been in contact with my oldest sister quite a bit recently. She’s done a LOT over the years to help me out, but since I left our hometown, we’ve grown distant. The conversations she and I have had recently and the way she has responded to me have brought back memories of why I couldn’t wait to leave home and distance myself from my family. My sister is a kind person, as I said she has done a lot for me, her little brother, but it’s all coming back to me these past two months as she and I have been in contact with […]

2/24/2021 4 comments

Successful or mistaken?

by The riddler 2/24/2021

written by The riddler

I’m having a hard time lately. Dropped a bomb on my best friend of 7 years that I had feelings for her. We talked extensively every night afterwards for a couple months. Broke up with her boyfriend, gave me JUST ENOUGH to stay optimistic and now she’s with my friend because she feels that he is the one. I only want what’s best for her and so I brought up my friend (E) to my best friend (D) and they went on their first date yesterday. I don’t know what I was thinking but I did it to myself. I bought a genesis coupe before […]

2/24/2021 5 comments

I want to gather people here, to Discuss : Suicide BECAUSE they’re being a Burden

by Azzam 2/23/2021

written by Azzam

I want to make this thread, to gather people like me, who probably considering suicide because “i’m being a burden to others”. Other people that want to talk about the topic but don’t actually have that personal experience are also welcome.

For me? I felt that i have been a huge burden for my family, I’m the first kid in my family (male), i have a little sister in highschool, i’m still in college, but i have somewhat realized that i’m incompetent at times, can’t make any money, and just generally being a burden and a nuisance for my parent. I’m not “The Perfect Kid” That’s […]

2/23/2021 5 comments

grieving for things i hardly remember

by system 2/22/2021

written by system

my early childhood. back then, when my sadness was not my default emotion. back then, when i had everything. when the world was beautiful. when i wasn’t running on empty. when things were ok. when i was ok. when my household was happy and perfect. everything was perfect. before my disorders started to show up.

yet, that feeling of happiness has become so fleeting, so foreign. i have yet to re-experience the bliss and carelessness i had as a young child. so many things that i cannot remember. but i think back, and i remember how i used to smile. i had a best friend. i […]

2/22/2021 1 comment

a walk and a breakdown

by system 2/21/2021

written by system

i took another walk with my ex tonight. i struggled to maintain a conversation because my mind was so empty. we continued to walk for 30 minutes and when we returned to my house, i sat on the pavement and started crying. i don’t know why i was crying. i don’t know why i feel like this. i feel numb to the point where i cry in pain when i am unable to understand the pain. everything feels wrong. for some reason i have a gut feeling that my ex is struggling or suffering and not telling me about it, but i think that i […]

2/21/2021 0 comment

who am i really living for?

by system 2/17/2021

written by system

the only reason i haven’t offed myself is because the people around me keep pleading me not to. why? why do they care? my ex came to my house last night around 1 am because he was worried about me. He rang the doorbell and woke my parents, but luckily they went back to sleep. He walked to my house. At midnight. In the cold. why do they care? I was on the phone with him for 2 hours telling him to go home but he was refusing to do so until he was convinced that I was safe. I just want to be gone. let […]

2/17/2021 10 comments

the anger that i didn’t know was there

by system 2/11/2021

written by system

i spoke to my therapist today. i read to her my recent journals to help me evoke emotions so i could actually talk about something. i spoke about how bad the nightmares have been getting, how the paranoia is affecting me, et cetera… and i don’t quite remember how, but we ended up on the topic of the recent violently abusive situation i was in (in august). there was something there that i hadn’t unearthed before? the anger towards my parents. allow me to provide some context: in the situation i was in, i was being blackmailed. my abuser was forcing me to do horrible […]

2/11/2021 4 comments

it wasn’t the uncanny this time

by system 2/10/2021

written by system

i’m in a place where i am mentally unable to handle anything. schoolwork feels like trying to roll a boulder up a mountain. functioning in general, actually. i feel so isolated. my friends aren’t as responsive as they used to be when we were all in treatment together… i just feel like shit. i haven’t been able to even work up the motivation to finish my paintings (which are way past due). i have a reading response due tomorrow (600 words) and i haven’t even been able to figure out what the fuck i’m going to say about this passage from Walden. he contradicts himself […]

2/10/2021 3 comments

What I want from life is something it can’t offer.

by ThrowItAway 2/4/2021

written by ThrowItAway

A decade ago I entered high school. My middle school friends and I ended up not having any shared courses with each other throughout all of high school. So it’s no surprised that we ended up drifting apart. I didn’t really end up making any new friends either. After high-school the acquaintances I did make went out to different parts of my country to go the university. At this time I ended up in University and was truly alone. Outside of group projects I can’t say I interacted with anyone much; no parties, no trips, nothing. Attend lectures, do projects, waste my life, go to […]

2/4/2021 3 comments

vent

by plasticflower 2/4/2021

written by plasticflower

generally, people always give the advice of putting yourself and your needs first. why is it that when i do it, i’m being selfish and purposely making like harder for everyone?

honestly i’ve been thinking so immaturely lately, i don’t know why.

i’m upset right now, actually. this whole week has been kind of hard, between balancing school assignments, some home finances, house work, doing just about anything that my mom doesn’t want to do and spending my mornings in waiting rooms while she does some exercises has been a bit much. finally, today i decided i’d work all afternoon on my own work i need […]

2/4/2021 2 comments

idk

by maryjain1e 1/25/2021

written by maryjain1e

honestly i want to focus on myself and focus on my mental health so i just dropped all my friends one by one in the kindest way possible. i dont know if this was a good decision or not since i mean alot to some of them but honestly sometimes i hate them and sometimes i dont. they do shitty things and make me want to not talk to them but unless i actually ghost them i cant hold a grunge and completely stop talking to them. most of them didnt care anyways so its fine but idk if i did the right thing

1/25/2021 4 comments

Digging Up Memories

by Virus.Found 1/23/2021

written by Virus.Found

Loneliness is killing me, if it didn’t already. So I’m trying to contact some old friends, because why not.? New people are assholes. All of them. Seriously. All. Of. Them. I’ve gained no new friends or even acquaintances. They’re unsocial, or at least towards me.

Maybe my depression is spooking everyone, even though I’m constantly laughing. My heart hurts so much with this heaviness, while being completely hollow. Anatomically impossible. I can’t take this any longer.

Some nights I lay awake and have an argument with my inner demons, whether I should just simply get up and kill myself. I should’ve responded with: Yes. Because it would’ve […]

1/23/2021 6 comments

That’s Just The Ground

by Virus.Found 1/17/2021

written by Virus.Found

So. Fucking. Useless. Yeah, I’m talking about myself. I try my best to help people but in the end, I think I never did. So if I can’t help myself and not even help others, then what else is there to do.? Why do I even bother with things like that… It just hit midnight and I feel unwell, as if someone had walked right through me. I don’t want this life. May I have a different one..?

1/17/2021 0 comment

it’s 2021

by applepie2929 1/6/2021

written by applepie2929

it’s been so long since I posted here

Im 19 now, I dropped out- listen, university ISNT for everyone. Especially if you’re rushing things.

my dad is back in Honduras again, I mean I’m happy about that at least. I’m afraid he’ll come back.. I know he will.

to hurt us.

im doing.. okay? I guess, I don’t know how to put it, i role play as ponies, My Little Pony OCS, they’re fun actually. I used to role play before, but I drifted away after I turned 15… then im back in it again. Oh how the world goes in a circle.

i get paid with unemployment […]

1/6/2021 1 comment

Nothingness

by Virus.Found 1/4/2021

written by Virus.Found

This feels like a joke… My whole life has been a joke… My mother was to go away on a trip and it was cancelled over and over thanks to Corona. She was going in a few days and I had already planned my death.. Even if it wouldn’t have worked, I was at least going to try to end this misery. My mind is deadly, it’s making everything seem like it’s out to get me.

I had backed up our family photos on a cloud, which took me hours. Only so that my family won’t forget to do it after I’m gone. I take any […]

1/4/2021 13 comments

Pathetic Start Of 2021

by Virus.Found 1/2/2021

written by Virus.Found

I’m so very empty… For 4 years you had been my best friend. But I didn’t feel important to you for a long while. I’ve cried out, for more time with you, more affection, but no matter how often I did, you didn’t care.. you didn’t care enough.

I’m not a happy person and I need more than other people do. I’m sorry, I’m like this.. I really am. Telling you goodbye, was one of the most painful things I did this year already. Great start of 2021.. Now I see you removing everything around me, that had anything to do with you. It hurts. But […]

1/2/2021 0 comment

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