General

It’s over now and it seems like a nightmare I lost myself the first time and now I am losing hope. I have no interest in dating anymore.. I give up on the dream this time for good, I am tired of starting over and trying to do everything right and still having the same result. I spent 6 years working on loving myself and seeing myself as an amazing person who is worthy. And here I am newly single feeling crazy like I invented that I deserved love and was worthy. If these men who claimed to love me and care for me don’t […]

It quite funny how empty i feel for these past few years. I don’t even understand why did i feel this way. I have a nice family, a roof to stay, foods to eat, money to spend, friends to hang out. No matter what i did to distract myself, only works for few minutes. i have never tried to suicide but i have the urge to attempt. I think the only reason that make me not doing it for real is because i am a muslim. yes, that is the only reason. The endless thoughts about everything got me screaming inside my soul every single […]

half an hour and some hundred clicks later:

Citizens, we learn, have the option of installing packages of ideological assumptions and philosophical inclinations, called “outlooks,” on top of their programming. These pre-packaged value systems have effects ranging from subtle tweaks in attitude and aesthetic sensibility to massive perceptual reconfiguration and drastic personality changes. Inoshiro reacts to the trauma ve has suffered by installing a particularly extreme and rigid outlook that makes ver placidly indifferent to everything, an outlook that cannot be uninstalled. In other words, […]

It’s been a long while since I’ve been around here.
A lot has changed, and yet here I am back again.
I remember writing stories here, and I read some of them and I thought about some of the people I met here all those years ago.
I guess I’m just checking in.
I’m doing better, and I hope you guys are doing better too.
I was 19 going on 20 when I started here 5-6 years ago, it’s just odd to think about.
Being here, surrounded by others who got my struggles really did help me out. Having this outlet has definitely helped me […]

I ended up telling my guy friend of like 5yrs now, that i love him, last night via txt. Its not uncommon for me to tell him the L word cuz he knows i do and usually he laughs it off or changes the subject. But this time was different. Still didnt get a response. I only felt like it was right to say it. Because the last 2 times we talked on the phone there was awkwardness n some dead air towards the end of our conversation nd it felt like 1 of us was tempted to say the l word before sayin bye. […]

Hi. Googling what I feel and suddenly found this blog. This is good. Perhaps it can be my safe place. Been searching for that for a while. I’m 26 y/o this year. In November 2018, I get into a huge fight with my parents and decide to run away from my house. At first, I stay at my friend’s house. But after considering too many things since I’m a female and my friend has a brother, I found a house to rent. So until Aildilfitri 2019, I finally came home. One of the reasons because my father has been calling me since my cousin dies […]

I’ve been away from home for going on a month now. I left my wife and children to come to missouri to help my mother care for my terminally ill father.
Since I’ve been here I have not taken any medications. Nothing for depression, anxiety, Borderline personality disorder, PTSD, high blood pressure, gout, arthritis, you get the idea. I’ve also been doing door dash to make money on the side, which makes my arthritis hurt even more(it’s in my knees and my feet, which have been deformed since birth).
So I’ve been off the psychiatric meds for going on a month. I’ve been doing ok, […]

My friend was showing me places they’d like us to go to in Japan last night. They were beautiful, sounded lovely. Nearly cried though realizing those dreams and plans won’t come to fruition. I’ll likely end it before then, still having those dreams as husks of aspirations as I randomize my grey matter.

I am beyond annoyed right now. Ever since we have been here the people who work at this shelter have treated us like we deserve to be punished for bein homeless. I spoke with the director here about my autistic son and his dietary needs n how he was starving here. So he put on our file that its okay if i supply my kids with their own food/drink. Well the 2nd shift women are now angry at this and are holding my kids food n drinks hostage because theyre like he cant have it unless u share it with every1. Like 1. I dont […]

I just moved out of my apt a few months back because several neighbors in the past were asses (had to endure 4 different asses over a span of 1.5 years). As if THAT pain wasn’t enough, I recently moved into a house (it’s not a rental so I can’t just leave and go elsewhere), and the neighbor to my left makes SO much noise. Which pisses not only me off, but pisses the neighbor on my right.

When the asshats on my left make noise, the ppl on the right retaliate and make noise. And then the asshats make more […]