i dont validate my mental state. i dont believe i deserve it. my life wasnt that bad. it could have been so much worse. why am i so bad off right now? i want to let him rape me. i want to let them beat me. i want to deserve where i currently am. things should be even. i dont deserve my current problems, they outweigh the cause. im weak. i cant handle life.
I’ve always wanted a tattoo. I like the art and design behind it. The fact that a person commits a part of themselves to a specific design is really cool to me. I have a few ideas already. I like geometric shapes. Weird illusion designs are neat, but I don’t really like them when they are plain black ink. I want it to be more colorful, to make it pop. I saved a tattoo that looked really cool, but it made it seem like the skin was kind of rolling back through blocky shapes. Like you were […]
I love what my life has come to. It’s been a couple months since I tried to kill myself. Even though things are getting better, it also feels like they are getting worse. I have been through a lot but not a lot at the same time. I completely understand people how have no reason to feel they way they do because that’s me. I had no reason for feeling so sad. I live an okay life. My parents can afford to pay for necessities, I’ve never been bullied, I have nice friends but I still felt that way. Anyway that’s enough about that, the […]
I just want to kill myself… It’s all that’s ever on my mind, but my mind is too lucid right now. It makes me realize how selfish of me that would be.
After everyone’s helped me through so much. Now it’s my turn to help them… but, I still feel like I need help, too.
So much responsibility has fallen to me. I guess in a way it always has. But in the past, I always felt easily replaceable. If I didn’t get her from point A to point B, then surely someone else would. Or maybe it would prompt her to get her license. Back then, […]
I took like a duck to water to the work of the film Director Ingmar Bergman some years ago. Everything I ever felt about life, particularly the way I see things was there in his movies. Suicide was mentioned, in both his work and life, this drew me closer. He recounted a terrible tale in his autobiography which I think is very applicable to anyone on this site who might be holding hope in psychiatric help, it certainly would of helped me. In 1976 the Swedish authorities arrested Bergman on suspicion of tax evasion, Bergman had a breakdown as a result and was admitted to […]
Reading so many of the posts here one thing that seems to be a common thought process is that most of us realize that things will get better even if we can’t see it right now. We also realize that they won’t always be good.
I think that’s the issue. We know we have to go through pain over and over again in life and it’s unbearable to think about. I don’t know if the good is worth going through the bad.
Some have depression times longer or worse than others. Some last moments and moods switch, some last months or years with only small […]
I suffer from chronic pain with the carina virus out break I’m unable to get medication. I have 2 weeks to decide. I can’t find anything that’s sure an painless. I was thinking of trying to o.d but I’m in too much pain to move. Im desperate an suffering intensliy with physical pain. flnfrmabove7@ yahoo.com
is it sad, that i always find myself back here? whats sad anymore.. i feel numb, no feeling lasts more than 5 seconds. and i have gotten used to it. i bared with that empty feeling for so long, so hard. even my tries to die weren’t so genuine.. i am too tired to even die. if the world collapsed this very second i would just blink and probably feel nothing still, maybe a glimpse of relief but thats all. i just really wish i never existed. i didn’t want to exist i never asked for it, and i feel like im ungrateful because of […]
Which is nice. I’ll leave this for folks who would just like some music.
Sand so hot on my feet.
You will never be mine.
I’ll meet you anyplace.
I’ll never find your garden.
Fuck the law for making those who suffer unbearably commit suicide alone. It’s really unjust…fuck society for either calling us cowards for not being able to commit suicide or selfish when we do.. how dare society hold this bullshit double standard over us..if there’s one thing in my death I believe it’s essential for euthanasia to be legalised in every country for those who wish to die for whatever reason, whether it’s because of personality disorders (Like me NPD) or for physical illness or any other reason.
I don’t get why physical illness is treated different to mental…fuck the law and society..I’ll forever be a coward […]
always get out of the hole to get sucked right back in. i mean nothing to anyone and im lying to myself if i think anyone will give a fuck when im dead.
A couple of years ago I had many attempts of suicide, since then I’ve been trying to get help. Everything gets in the way, stopping me from helping myself. I try and find reasons to start over new or someone for that matter. Now I feel numb and without a single care.
In our household music is everything. I push myself every night to add more and more hours onto my piano practice, until my hands cramp and I can’t play any longer. I sometimes get really angry where I pull at my hair and make my skin bleed, usually screaming my head off, there is […]
Some people are lucky; Some people are not.
The more you learn about this world and society, the more you will realize that Life is random (chances), and yes, Life is not fair. Reality is depressing.
Most people who still always keep saying that “if you work hard, you will be successful!” are naive, ignorant, and simple-minded typical “optimistic/positive/happy-go-lucky” people you always see everywhere. And even for those people who realized it and therefore said that what’s important is to “work smart”, it also usually often means to be sly, cunning, opportunistic bastards who are too often selfish, pricks, ruthless, cold, heartless, and only care about […]
Hello all.
It’s been a long time since I have postedon here. If you’re a longtime goer of this site, you may remember me.
Just wanted to pop in and say hello again and that I’m still around.
crying wouldn’t get the things out.
If you ever had those Asian meat and veggie stews, there’s a layer of oil floating on top of the sauce and liquid, and at the bottom of the sauce there are grains and clumps of food. When you drain the oil out, the clumps are still in the bowl, more compact, nothing changes. Tearing up is only draining the oil out.
I hate this, I hate how I’m in a constant conflict with myself, and I’m always the one at fault, since I’m fighting myself, I can’t win. Something really trivial happened and just triggered everything back. at least im not […]
i am sinful. i drink until i pass out. i smoke up until i cant think. i cheat and lie. i selfharm until i feel the pain for days. i dont deserve to live.
yes, this shit is a soul cancer, depression is even worse than body cancer, it kills your soul , and once ur soul is dead, u are dead even if ur body keeps moving. and thats where we start thinking of commiting suicide cuz thats the only option we see, we are dead, so we want to kill the only thing left which is the body.
that bing said , i hope i dont reach that stage , am getting worse evveryday but am trying to fight back even tho i lose most of my battles vs depression, anxiety, overthinking and negativity . i am having […]
I’m sorry if there is any North Koreans are reading this, but I think this is the best way to describe my life. 3 years ago, me and my family moved to New Zealand and since then I was severely abused. My parents won’t let me out of the house, and the only 2 places I could go is home and school. I have limited internet access so I’m writing this very quickly (before my parents found out). It got worse last September, when my parents slapped me in the face 4 times in a row because they forced me to do a LOT of […]
Ive been on this site a while reading everyone else’s thoughts, I would have said so much to all of you but I didn’t want to register.
I’ve been struggling with thoughts of suicide since I was 14, I am now about to turn 30 so it’s been more than half my life. I attempted at 16, as much as one can attempt to shoot oneself without pulling the trigger before getting caught. The good news is that the past 7 years were an easy fight, I felt purposeful and had a job I loved, but now that job feels like a cage and I […]