My wish is this one day I have it all ended. Where Do I began? Im 16, Just faking everything. I attempted Sucicde countless times from anything from Suffocation, Overdose, Cutting, Strangling and have tried hanging. All of them have failed and caused pain for me. I have a girlfriend I hate my life and my family. I wish I could run away and not be affected by anything. I got into trouble at school for Depression thoughts, Self-Harm. I was sent to the hospital twice for a week. Put me on meds and never really helped. The Hospitial is out and I will run […]
Every opportunity I had I wasted, every decision I made was the wrong one. Every time I ask myself how I wound up where I am, the answer is always the same: Step by step. It was my own choices that brought me here, and my next choices, whatever they are, will get me out of here. That’s the killer… what I do next is decisive. I either choose not to wait, and abandon hope, or choose to wait, and maintain it. Then I ask… why? Why suffer? Just so I can make money that goes out as quickly as it comes in? To pay […]
Theory about what happens when you die. I came across this theory. I am not saying I believe this is what happens, just that it is an interesting concept.
Imagine what it’s like to never wake up from a dream, something none of us have experienced. You’re having your NDE (Near Death Experience). Effectively, you’re in heaven. But then you die, and so you never become consciously aware that you’re not in heaven, i.e., that your dream ends. It’s not like the dream screen displays “The End” or even goes blank! Thus, as far as you know, you’re in heaven forever.
The concept of time here is like […]
Hello everyone , I am what you would call a first time poster… I visit this site often but like I said before this is my first post. I didnt believe posting here would mean anything.I still dont but like many of you here when I read the stories it does two things for me
First thing is helps me feel like im not alone in this fight
Second thing is makes me see how helpless we all are to what we suffer from. from the most potent level of depression to the less.
I personally just want my pain of existing to just end. I have lost […]
Isn’t in funny how a lot of people on this site will ignore any post that even mentions drugs. Even though depression and addiction often go hand. Well here it goes, you’ve been warned!!
Cokecokecokecoke
Was that so bad huh? Well it’s been maybe 1-2 weeks of nonstop daily use, and honestly when that powder hits my nose I feel calm. You imagine a cokehead jumping up and down, meanwhile I’m nodding on it. I feel calm and for once that constant voice saying suicidesuicidesuicide is shut out by the voice saying cokecokecoke.
I guess recovery’s not going so well. Sorry for taking my anger out […]
To harm any innocent life is only to harm the love of the world.This is what i have always lived by.Im in the bathroom at this very second pondering my way out of life.i know im sick,every small decision and trouble i face in the road leads to the ultimate solution. Im suppose to be getting married in 9 days,and im only 19.i wish i had made a diffrent career choice so that i could give this perfecr girl everything that she deserves. The army isnt for me,and every day that goes by i regret joining.i live in constant fear of the world around me.getting […]
I mentioned in an earlier post that I wanted to try sketching some things.
I couldn’t find an app that did what I needed, so I just drew on a sheet of paper and took a picture of it.
.
.
I haven’t taken any art classes, and I realize this is nothing compared to the amazing things some of you have posted.
Still I’d like to keep working on some projects, and maybe I will get better as time goes on.
If nothing else, maybe this (plus my […]
So it’s almost 5 am where I live and I can’t sleep. I feel like a failure. I tried to make things better. I went to the psychiatrist and got meds, been to therapy every week, I am even trying to get insurance approval for TMS… I went to work every day like I’m supposed to. But nothing seems to be improving. If anything, the depakote makes me feel so numb, like everything is grey. I feel like I’m just jumping through hoops, going through the motions.
But I am hopeful about the TMS. It’s the only thing left I haven’t tried besides ECT. I wonder […]
I’ve been living like I’m dying for awhile now. Ready to take the plunge any day. It’s depressing but so relaxing. No fuss, no planning for the future, no caring what people think. Temporary.
I’ve been offered a nursing job. Going to be staying alive and seeing how it goes. No use in ruining everyone else’s lives right now.
It’s stupid, but I had just gotten used to being a walking corpse. A sick part of me is a little disappointed.
But I feel like I keep finding myself drinking more and more as time passes. And that’d be fine if there wasn’t this ever increasing desire to just keep drinking. I mean I had a few drinks about a week ago and as the week’s gone on I feel like all this jerking me around my life does has me just aching for it. Something’s gotta give here… either the bullshit life throws at me, or perhaps I’m subliminally asking for it or something, I don’t know, or my will to not become like the rest of my family members is going to break. And […]
Damn it’s hard to try live like normal people I feel myself slowly slipping back into that dark place been trying to fight it and I still will but time will tell how things will go how is everyone doing today u know when u got so much on your mind that your mind goes blank and your body is on autopilot that’s how I feel
So over the past few months I think about suicide daily, this was not me a year ago.
I’m alone most of the time, besides work, I’m 30 years, I have a lot of debt… But most of all its the loneliness.
I have a nervous breakdown Friday and Saturday night regularly. I go out toto try and meet people but as the sun goes down I can feel the panic and my mood start heading down hill so I quickly head for my car and rush home.
So my work only scheduled me 9 hours next week. I don’t even know what the fuck I’m supposed to do, I can’t live on that, that’s not even 70$ worth of pay for me. And usually when they start doing this to people then they keep doing it every week. I have to find a different job probably and I’m so stressed because finding a job here is so hard, our states economy is in the shitter and there’s almost no jobs and no one hiring. Like how am I even supposed to survive? No idea what I’m going to do, it seems like […]
Is it better that we have the choice to say goodbye, very possibly for the last time?, Or is it better not to have a goodbye?
Really I’m sure it’s the first one. At least than you can accept when someone goes that it’s true, …maybe
I guess it’s hard either way most of the time,
“No sir, I don’t like it”
Thoughts?
I used to think that funerals were for the dead, to let them depart and celebrate their life but now I know they are just for the living, for the people to say goodbye and help mourn the loss. Thats why when I take my life I’m gonna have in the letter that I wanna be cremated because I dont want my body to be left here in the ground I want it burned away as my soul goes on.
Also whats your guys thoughts on burials/cremation??
HI all,
I have been totally broke down for four years now. I really don’t have any idea what will bring me back to life. I’ve tried, but I have not been able to do it. I don’t want to be this way for the rest of my life, but it is very well possible that I will be.
When I say I am broken, I mean that I do not feel alive. I don’t feel depressed either, and that’s not to say in any way that I am therefore happy. Broken is the best word. I don’t know what is sustaining me and that fact that […]
I feel that friendship is more fragile and more important compared to a relationship. I don’t know, but it’s like whenever my friends suddenly act cold, it hurts so fucking bad I just add a few more cuts just to be able to feel. Fucking hell it makes no sense.
Honestly, it really fucking terrifies my how much of a hold this person has over me. All she has to do is say a word, and I think I’ll just fucking crumble. She’s not even the person I’m in a relationship with. But I’d rather lose him than her. It’s really difficult and just tiring to […]
I’ve struggled with depression, insecurity, and severe anxiety disorder for as long as I can remember. My first appointment with a therapist occurred when I was 10 years old, I’m currently a sophomore in college. My depression comes and goes but I feel like it’s just been around for a while this time and it’s worse than ever before. I’ve never really struggled with suicidal thoughts, until just recently. The thing about it is: I do not want to die, I just have no desire to live. I don’t truly believe I could go through with killing myself, but I can’t stop thinking about it. […]
she’s all wrapped up tight
unwrapped she shines in the light
i hesitate at first for moment everything goes quiet
Iv found a new friend she’s so shiny and light
she knows my pain without me saying a word
she knows how to change mental pain into physical
without any words
she knows how to release tension all built up inside
She makes me bleed but she makes me feel alive at the same time
i don’t feel so numb this is kind of fun watching the blood run
but she dose leave scars that much is true
but in dark nights she really dose looks like the moon
– Ray
So my boyfriend and his friends are talking about strip clubs in front of me while we are playing cards. And I threw out there that I am not ok with him going to one. He said that’s ok. Then I told him to expect me to be mad if you go. He has the nerve to tell me ok, I’ll stll gobto one anyways. Fuck you. If he goes to one knowing im not ok with it I’m done with him. That is not ok with me at all. You can tell me what I can and cannot do, but I can’t? Fuck you.
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