I know a lot of people on here have the kik messaging app. If not, it is free. Just instant messaging.
I feel like it would be nice for a group of us to join a chat room on it though. It would be fun. Let me know if anyone wants to 🙂 I already have 3 peoples kik on here, so it’s a start
my kik is devinx7
The same problems from my family are the same , problems with my in laws are the same . I want to cut but I want to cut so deep I bleed out I know my wrist won’t work I want to slit my throat. my phone is a jinx and broke again so my husband went to get me a new one he asked me if I want to go I can’t my in laws are coming back in town so I have to clean . while he walked out my head said no don’t go if you do I will kill my self […]
There are a number of tasks I need to do today, but I lack the emotional drive for any of them. An exam. Work. What does any of it matter? What’s to stop me from ending it all? What are the moments I live for? Most of the moments in my life are all pretty boring since I spend them by myself anyway. I claim to have aspirations like traveling, maybe agriculture later on, and going to Japan (if only to visit Aokigahara), but when I think about it, none of these things really seem like they’d be that fun since I ‘d have no […]
everyone’s sleeping. no one would be able to stop me. even if i do it wrong, what’s 5 more minutes of pain in this life. in the end, i’ll still be dead. i want to do it. i want to die. let me die.
Find love.
Find faith.
Find truth.
Find acceptance.
As for me, I’ve found mine.
In the warmth of my reaper.
Her hand is gently grasping mine at the gates.
I’ve waited and wanted a true unconditionally accepting love.
Not once have I thought it would be her loving heart that would welcome me home.
She greets me warm. Her smile is intoxicating.
Her grip is strong, enough to break my will and see her true beauty.
Now I will just say good bye.
This year i will die. That is my resolve and it will not change anymore.
However i got myself into a responsibility mess by adopting two kitties and that is why i cannot or rather do not want to make it an obvious suicide. Ideally i want terminal cancer, and i’ve done some research on how to get it despite being as healthy as i am, but i’d like more input.
Do you think radiation from exposure to 2 or so americum 241 would be enough to give me cancer? I’m thinking of putting it in my water every time i drink, basically.
If not then what would […]
For about six weeks, things were actually going pretty good. I found a job, after six months without full-time work. I started running again several days a week, which clears my mind and stabilizes my mood in a way that nothing else can (I can’t swim, for instance, and I hate lifting weights because of all the pauses where my thoughts can creep back in). I went two whole weeks without wishing I was dead, for probably the first time in a couple years.
And then a week ago I hurt my knee and had to stop running. A few days after that I got into […]
So my husband comes home from work (he got a job with his parents) and apparently he had a bad day. I spent the day learning how to make Onigiri (Japanese rice balls) granted it didn’t take me long but still. I made some for him because I know manual labor is hard and I wanted him to know he’s loved. He comes in and starts throwing off his clothes angrily (he was going to take a shower) and I made the mistake of asking what’s wrong. He yelled at me that he had a bad day and not to start in on him. I […]
I’m sorry for the demon I’ve become.
You should be sorry for the angel you are not.
I wonder how its gonna be when I don’t wake up.
Some words when spoken can’t be taken back.
I’m becoming more and more comfortable with the idea.
Everything is ready. Except for my family. I don’t want any one to miss me. Not like they will anyway. If I was still jumping, this would be so much easier. Blame it on a chute failure. Pour me from my boots and into a grave.
Now the biggest enemy I face is myself. I’ve got a fairly reliable method for self-disposal. […]
Lately, I’ve noticed that my ability to rationalize has been strained, especially when it comes to decisions related to expanding my relationships with others.
On the one hand, there is the side of me that’s been institutionalized by cultural norms–the person that wants to get a girlfriend, wants to have lots of friends, and just wants people to like me in general.
But running counter to the institutionalized side of me, is the altruistic me, who believes that having any of those things would be selfish of me and that those relationships would be detrimental to those other entities.
And then there’s the third side that says, none of it really […]
So it’s almost 5 am where I live and I can’t sleep. I feel like a failure. I tried to make things better. I went to the psychiatrist and got meds, been to therapy every week, I am even trying to get insurance approval for TMS… I went to work every day like I’m supposed to. But nothing seems to be improving. If anything, the depakote makes me feel so numb, like everything is grey. I feel like I’m just jumping through hoops, going through the motions.
But I am hopeful about the TMS. It’s the only thing left I haven’t tried besides ECT. I wonder […]
Bree hasn’t left me alone all day. Neither have the voices. They’ve all been taunting me, knowing what was happening today. My Nan had a hospital appointment. She’d been getting pains in her back. Turns out, her terminal cancer has spread to her spine now. And it’s all my fault.
They warned me. The voices warned me, the Angels warned me. Bree warned me. They said they would make my family suffer if I didn’t do what they said. Now they’ve done this. This is all my fault. And everything will only get worse if I don’t listen to them.
I told everyone it would be bad […]
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I need to do something.
What can I even do, I didn’t expect the consequences of my past to catch up so quickly.
The logical decision (through my perspective) would be to end my self by end of the year, but that isn’t possible due to my ridiculously high preserved morality.
OK so now that’s off the table, what the fuck am I supposed to do. GED then college?? OK where are the funds coming from? GED + Job then? I’m a fucking recluse how am I going to hold a job, history has shown I can not.
Try a new therapist? The last one I tried […]
Please, can somebody help, even if it is just to talk? I’m at my wit’s end.
I’m no kid, I’m well old enough to remember the 80s. So, couple of years ago, I was getting on for that age when life begins (you know when I mean?) and thinking about being lonely. I’ve never dated anybody…hell, I’ve never done anything even most 13 year olds have done. Total level 1 noob at my age, ha.
Sure, I’d had offers but I was a robot who couldn’t feel romantic love. I felt nothing for those who had offered, so I turned ’em down (in a nice way, I aint […]
I’m a deep thinker, as well as an overactive thinker, so almost every second of everyday there are numerous thoughts, worries, and questions running throughout my brain. Here’s one for anyone who wants to answer. What do you think you would be like and your life would be like if you didn’t know you were going to die? You had no awareness about what death is, or that it even happened. For me it would be pretty terrifying, mainly because I see death as my escape, something I will always be able to look forward to and count on because it is inevitable and is […]
can someone help me? if you come across this post, please read the whole thing. i feel really stuck.
theres a lot of reasons why i finally accepted I’m suicidal. I’ve tried to kill myself before but i was too weak to do it. i was scared and i couldn’t stop thinking about my mom finding me. i feel like it would be the easiest way to deal with life, i honestly feel like if i was dead everything would be so much better and specially i wouldn’t have to worry about anything. if i died i don’t care what happens i just hope that i […]
Depression is like a war you either win or lose at battling. Depression is like a cage you cannot get out of. Depression is like suffocating but in reality you’re not. Depression is something most people battle with. It absolutely sucks and I don’t know why people want it. You always want to be alone, not to be bothered with. It’s like being trapped in your own mind you cannot esacpe yourself. I always wonder how different my life would be without Depression. I wonder about how many wonderful things I would do. Hang out with friends. Open my mouth to assholes. Say what I […]
This is my first ever post. But I was desperate for some help because I don’t know how much longer I can go on. For many years I have off and on considered giving up and ending my life. And lately the need and want for giving up is growing stronger. Some mornings it is just hard to get up and out of bed. I live with my boyfriend, who does not take suicide very seriously and only thinks it is stupid and what weak people do. I have a hard time talking to him about it. He asked me to be stronger. I don’t […]
I’m wide awake. I’d rather be asleep but I’m having horrible allergies today. Spent a lot of time outside and the trees are greening up and flowering and I’m getting crazy spring allergies. Even with medication. I spent my outside time working on one of my gardens, this year I want to have two, one just for flowers and plants, the other for vegetables, fruits and herbs. I planted two hydrangeas and moved a bunch of plants to a different area. I don’t really have that much garden space so I have to be creative. I am so alive when I work outside in the […]
Uncertainty is probably the thing I hate most about life. Or maybe it’s feelings. If I had no feelings, or if I could regulate them like a normal person, uncertainty wouldn’t bother me. I often beat myself up or behave self-destructively because even though it makes me feel miserable, I’m in control of that misery. Which often seems infinitely preferable to taking a risk and making myself vulnerable to acute uncontrollable emotional pain.
I have to make a big decision by tomorrow about my next job. A lot of people would probably want to be in my situation, but I can’t stop dwelling on the downside […]
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