i spent a few hours on this site looking at posts as much as 10 years old. if someone posted something optimistic, especially if they said they found help and things were looking good, then i would look at their follow up posts. in every case, they come back sometimes years later saying they’re back at rock bottom. this site is an interesting time machine and bullshit detector. im sure they meant it at the time but IN EVERY CASE they always come back saying life gets worse. the only sucess stories seem to be the ones who say theyre gonna kill themselves and then […]

You guys ever have good days?

I went to the hospital to see if my thoughts for not existing are true and one thing i remember is a theripist there told us we are the ceo of ourselves so that means we can close up and shutdown when we want to and then i was helping someone to pay for rent and he got mad because i wasnt right in the head at the time and i kept fantasizing about putting my neck in the saw blade so i stopped to try to fix my head space (the stuff being cut wasnt needed for another month and it would only take […]

Not suicide related

I really really really really want to be gone. You know you’ve got no purpose and no point in life when you feed your money into a poker machine over and over again.
Or play keno all day.
Sorry don’t mean to boast about money here. At this rate I’ll soon have none anyway.
Can’t help but think that the people working where I gamble think I’m the biggest idiot ever (here is a fact though: workers in such places are not allowed to comment on individual gamblers. Workers have been sacked for telling gamblers that they are addicted, another was sacked for […]

Does anyone have any advice or tips for hiding cuts. I really dont want anyone to see them and get any more worried. All I do now is wear long sleeved shirts. I shaved my wrists and its pretty obvious so sometimes people pull it down to see how much i shaved i guess? or whatever other reason they have. Maybe there is no advice for this and Im just awaiting the inevitable. this sucks. hope whoever reads this is doing ok.

Finals are comming. Like everything its a lose lose scenario. If i fail the finals Im just a piece of shit and a total burden to anyone, parasyte sucking off my parents at 21 years of age with no results. If I pass nothing changes and my shitlife continues and Im gonna spend another minimum 3 years in this house till I finish college IF IT GOES WELL. Fking bright future!

I had nightmares last night after long time (I smoke pounds of weed daily so no dreams anymore usually). I was very depressed today. Cried at one point. I would like a girl […]

to be happy, healthy and productive? And not depressed af, a non-productive mess, and well…us?

I use to post on here way back, when I was going through the deepest of my depressions. I’ve since then had many many more breakdowns similar and it has recently come to light that I have a high functioning personality disorder. And for once in my life I don’t feel crazy anymore. I feel sane knowing everything I was feeling has just been validated.
I hope the rest of you out there find some type of closure for the way you feel.

Absolutely horrible things happened to me. I don’t know what I did to deserve such a life, every time I think life can’t get any worse, life proves me wrong. I don’t know how much more I can take. There is no way to fix some of the damage that was done to me and everything seems kind of pointless. The whole world seems to be against me, it basically wants me to die and go to hell. I make enemies everywhere, I have no idea why. I even asked some acquaintances if they thought if I was a bad person or something and they […]

cw/ graphic suicidal ideation
Nothing in the society that I live in holds real value anymore. Most careers today are tasks that help make some CEO richer. Painting and music hold no sort of sacredness under Capitalism. So many people in my country have died alone from the pandemic, and it seems as though no one cares. There’s so many expectations for me at the age that I am now. I don’t have anything figured out.
The thought of dying doesn’t scare me. I don’t say this to seem like a hardass or anything, either. I view death as the ultimate peace from this abhorrent […]

I passed the tests my employer set, thus I get to continue doing the job I was hired for…. I’m empty.. had a long talk with the suicide lifeline people, and it fundamentally comes down to believing this or not;

people have innate value.
I think that’s the big joke, that we even pretend that’s true. In my state this month alone hundreds of preventable deaths, my governor says thoughts and prayers. So why are they asking me to stick around on this planet? I’d just be one more of thousands who covid finished off.

I had to drive an hour out, and an hour back to […]

i want to die.

I’m so unsatisfied with life and who i am. I can’t stand myself. I want nothing more than to die. Nothing makes me happy. I’m always angry and long for death. Life has just been disappointment and anger. And I have the urge to end it all. I hate waking up every day. I have nothing and no one to look forward to. I don’t give a fuck about anyone or anything. The fact that I’m still alive pisses me the fuck off. 24 years is too fucking long. I can’t take it anymore. I went from cutting myself to stabbing myself with needles. I […]

Long time no see, but not really. Don’t have friends or anyone on here or anywhere else really. Just going down memory lane finding old accounts and stuff online before ********* on my birthday.

*Waves*

What is the key to our depression? Is it that we just need the following:

-self-love
-self confidence
-self acceptance
-basic needs (housing, food, steady income, etc)
-someone who really knows us, and loves us, despite how fucked up we are

If that’s the case (for me), then HOW in the fuck do I get get back self love, self confidence, and self acceptance? I used to have confidence and didn’t hate myself in the past. But now it’s all gone to sh*t and I hate how I haven’t been able to do a damn thing due to my depression and lack of self […]

I wish I knew how to ever be proud of anything I’ve done. I woke up this morning thinking about every place I’ve missed the mark on my goals;

the kind of family I wanted to have

the person I wanted to marry

the degrees I wanted to get

the place I wanted to live

Now here’s the weird thing; I have other things to fill those slots. On paper, it should be lovely. Yet, my heart aches in the suspicion that I will never see satisfaction in this life.

It isn’t so much that not existing would be better, given that I wouldn’t experience it. The thing I wish I […]

When you are an average joe and you dont have a legit reason why you want to put a hole through your head…

my mom tells me that its just because of quarantine and that my emotions rise when im tired. shes right about one thing, im tired. i cant sleep until 3-5 am and i feel like roadkill that just recently got run over and is still alive, experienceing organ failure. i have two voices in my head now: the one that makes me count and tap things 5 times and the one that tells me to just grab some ibuprofen and fucking overdose because nobody wants me anymore. i know that the second voice (his name is steven) isnt true because my girlfriend loves me but […]

What kind of a person prides himself on never shedding a tear or really ever caring when their mother or father dies? This is the asshole I am married to.  His dad was a nice guy. He died yesterday and he just shrugged it off as if he deserved to die for believing in the wrong religion.  He suffered with COVID and then Pneumonia for three weeks and died struggling to take a breath.

My husband is a selfish person who believes he is smarter and better than everyone else.  He enjoys making everyone’s live just as miserable as possible.  He is one of many reasons […]