It’s been maybe one year and 6 months since the last time I functioned normally. I cut myself on the wrist for the first time yesterday, I enjoyed it very much. I wanted to watch the blood flow but my dad saw that I was bleeding and got mad at me. I’m not allowed to use a razor anymore. It makes me angry. Cutting myself isn’t something I do because I want to die, it’s something I do to stop myself from dying. Sure, I cut a really shallow wound right on top of a bunch of blood vessels that are right below my skin. […]
what if he finds me? what if he hunts me down again? what if he’s still watching me?
i can’t shake the feeling. i haven’t been able to ever since the abuse started.
i can still feel it. on the back of my neck. i never feel safe. he continues to have a suffocating grip on me even after i mustered up the courage to get as far away from him as possible. listen to the fbi. lock everything down. deactivate all my social media accounts, lock my phone number, get my school e-mail changed.
but he’s still here. he’s left an impression of himself, it’s seared into […]
Its been a while since I last posted. I visit the site once or twice a week lately, but don’t stay very long…unsure why. Many of you have shown concern for me…I am surprised by this, I would’ve never guessed people would do this. I don’t see myself as the type others would think about. Anyhow. Thank you for this, it makes me feel…human? Better? Alive? Please know I’m grateful, Idfk Anymore.
A lot has happened since my last post March 28th. I wrote that post as I was sitting in the emergency room, having been remanded into custody by a counselor I’d been seeing weekly […]
I’m a Republican, pile on liberals help me work up the nerve to destroy this vessel god gave me. Be unrelenting.
by ismedyl
by ismedyl
I’m too broke to afford a gun so here I am. I’ve lost my well paying job working on the pipeline and there’s no work to be had in my field, my girlfriend has left me because I can’t take care of her with no job I’ve lost my house my car is next down the line every 4-8 years I get a glimmer of hope that I’ll have a well paying job again and it’s unceremoniously ripped from underneath me by some politician that got rich in office over 30 years. There, that should give you the ammo you need. I’m calling […]
This petty pace, how slowly life seems to go when you have nothing to look forward to.
My best days are simply days when I don’t want to kill myself… but are they? At least on the other days I feel something. Maybe that is something to look forward to. When time finally stops and the pain is gone forever.
I’ve wasted my life and that’s okay, I did the best I could have done and it’s all I can ask of myself. I think I’ve made the most of what I was born with.
My therapist says that just surviving is a win but I am not […]
Figure I should be the one to ask, I feel people disregard me around here anyway so I’m not afraid to break the silence. I’m sure we’ve all noticed he’s gone, what happened? Just a shout out @Once
Hello.
I never thought I would find myself here, yet here I am. I’ve been struggling on and off with suicide since I was 12 or so. I am 38 now.
I’m at a low point and I don’t know what to do. I have no friends and no family and frankly don’t see a purpose in continuing to try.
I have tried just about every permutation and combination of treatments. Yet I can’t find a way to even like myself let alone find a way to feel happy.
Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow…
I’m kind of tired. I don’t want to do anything. I have two tests and one presentation left and that’s the semester. Even though I only have two things left, I don’t really care about any of it. I just feel like coasting. I’ve always coasted, so why should now be any different. I just ain’t feeling it. Any of it really. It’s all just a pain to deal with. I kind of just want to go to sleep and not have to worry about any of it. I often think about what’s supposed to […]
I’m falling apart, and I don’t know who to turn to or where to go. I feel like I’m drowning.
Trying to stay afloat, but no matter how much I try I just sink deeper and deeper.
Struggling to hold my breath any longer, struggling to catch air.
I’m failing everyone I love and care about, and they all think they’re doing something wrong, when It’s really just me.. Sinking deeper and deeper into the ocean of blackness.
I can’t fix myself and nobody else can fix me, I’m downing. And I don’t know how to breathe anymore. I want help, but I won’t ask […]
Man, I’m sorry for taking up space for this, but my incel roommate just won 20,000 dollars, lol. Maybe god felt bad for him not getting laid.
Always, ever since I was little kid, I knew that for me to survive in this world, I must change myself in order to make money.
Up to a certain point, the more money you have, the more of your own problems you can get rid of (I know that money doesn’t buy happiness, but as a poor college student that is stuck with one of my parents in a house that is falling apart, I know that poverty sure does bring misery)
And for that same reason, to avoid misery, you have to turn to things that are ‘practical’.
I always loved ‘unpractical’ things, at least it’s […]
i have a friend overseas who i’ve known for around 4 years now.
he’s really important to me. but i’m scared.
i’m scared because he hasn’t betrayed me.
i’m scared because he hasn’t gotten rid of me.
i’m scared because he hasn’t dropped me.
i’m scared because he insists that he cares about me.
i’m terrified of all of it, it’s so foreign to me. to have someone who doesn’t want to break me down until i’m nothing.
whenever he says he cares about me
the only thing i can think of is “i don’t believe you.”
I probably have some type of trauma. Whenever I get confronted, I always try to escape somehow.
Because, in the end, I’m still that same kid running away from his bullies, hiding and crying. Skipping class for hours just because he’s scared of being beaten. So scared. So lonely. But he can’t talk to anyone, because even his parents hit him, scream at him. Teachers too. And his classmates avoid him because he’s weird. That’s the way I was, and still am. So scared, so lonely, so confused and sad and angry and unable to do anything about it because of how scared I am.
Maybe […]
A little bit of background.
So I’ve always been very lonely but spent my time on suicide sites. At first SP, then SS. All my friends are on SS. Do I miss them. Some killed themselves, some left to recover. But now, because of f$xters, I cant stay on SS, its being monitored. And I’m fucking lonely! I want to spend my time bitching on the chat like I used to, but I just cant. Well, thats what I do during the painful wait to get my method (which takes forever!). So, I’m stuck, alive and lonely.
I want to talk to people who are open to […]
uhhh i am feeling echoes right now like the emotion of buzzing like tv static being projected onto an old classroom projector
here is the events i just can’t process them right now but i need to put them somewhere just to put them outside of my head
so my little brother decided to drop in for a surprise visit and i’m playing host
my partner decides to postpone the usual shit he does to have a conversation/hang out with my brother
i am sort of joining in on the conversation mostly listening but the three of us are chatting.
this is the most conversation i’ve had with […]
1. who is ***?
2. who is ***?
3. who is ***?
4. who is ***?
5. who is ***?
6. who is ***?
7. who is ***?
8. who is ***?
9. who is ***?
10. who is ***?
11. who is ***?
12. who is ***?
13. who is ***?
Not me, not you, not anyone, but still someone.
14. who is ***?
15. who am I?
16. why don’t I remember
17. why don’t I remember
18. why?
19. Do I have to remember?
20. Where is ** ****?
21. Why do I ask questions without answers?
22. I don’t even want […]
I’ve fought so hard for this. My whole life, I’ve never been able to feel positive emotions . I can remember some memories from when I truly felt joy, when I used to hang out with some friends but nothing more than that. I’ve spent hours days trying to dig up some happy memories but nothing. I’m nothing more than an abused child, nothing more than my past. I wanna be able to feel something, anything. All I can think about nonstop is how to hurt myself. I’ve thought about burning myself to death, cutting a finger, breaking a leg. Some very violent ideas are […]
Hi. I am Jupiter-7, and this is my first post here.
In my life it’s been hard to make long-term connections socially that are authentic and involve the other person/people understanding me. It also seems difficult for others to be open with me. I can be a very open and intimate person, but often don’t get much of a chance.
I know a lot of us would like to believe that we are fine and that other people mess things up, that we don’t make mistakes, but it is true that I try really, really hard to make others understand who I am. I guess they don’t […]
I’ve been very depressed lately, trying to find a reason to pull it together. Such reasons don’t exist. It’s not worth the price I pay for less money and benefits than I need to pay my debts. I frankly don’t care if those debts EVER get repaid. I worked 16 years to get to where I stand today; destitute, hopeless, and fed up.
Today I had a number of people telling me to toughen up, take it on the chin, because that’s what I’m paid to do. Fuck that noise. If you want me to get tough, watch as I walk away from EVERYTHING this broken […]
I’ve hurt lots of people, albeit unintentionally. At school. During activities. On the internet. I didn’t think I was doing anything bad. I didn’t realize. I never do. It’s so difficult for me to understand how others feel and are affected by things, at least not until it’s too late. Even when I’m told that something that I said or did was wrong, I often either can’t understand why it was unacceptable or why it was so to such a great extent. I’ve been called a bully, and I didn’t understand why. I was angry and upset at the label. Even though I went out […]